Prologue

My head is aching while I am trying to find my bag from the couch of that club house where me and my other co-workers currently drinking and enjoying.

After two shots of liquor that my friend gave to me earlier I immediately lost my balance. I really don't have a high alcohol tolerance. Well, maybe this will help so that I can temporarily forget that asshole just for this night.

These past few days I've been through a lot because of him and I can't bare with that anymore. I am physically and mentally tired about my situation. I just wanted to close my eyes and rest. I want to freaking forget all the problems that I have right now.

I am already dizzy when I left the club. I am not really into alcohol since it easily dominates my whole system and I know if I stay there I will be such a mess even more.

The alcohol is already trying to messed up with my system. I tried to lean in the wall outside the club.

The night were quite outside, I can't hear the music and beats inside that place anymore. I can also see the moon and the stars that is trying to brighten the street. You can barely see vehicles too since it was already super late and I regret coming here for the desire of forgetting everything for a while. Now, I feel like I just added a bunch of problems to myself even more.

It's late and I think I can't find a taxi anymore plus I am not in a good state right now and my head is aching.

''Arghh, too dumb Caroline!'' I murmured while trying to walk towards the waiting area for a taxi.

I heaved a sigh and tried to massage the bridge of my nose.

''So you really did attend their club celebration, huh?''

My eyes widened and I almost jump to my surprise when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

My jaw dropped when I realized who it is.

It's him. It's him again. And as I expected whenever he is there, my whole system weakens everytime he speaks, I feel like my body is going to give in due to nervousness every time I am facing him. My heart is beating very loud and fast and I want to freaking scold myself for acting that way just because he is in front of me.

I always have this feeling I always felt that in his eyes I could find peace and love. But no, his eyes are saying something different from what he's doing or it's just that fate decided differently for the two of us.

We are not meant for each other and that is what fate makes me see every day. We are in different states and I have to accept that. He is getting married, to a rich woman, to someone who suits him better, to someone he can be proud of more than me and we need to accept that as well.

''You look like you don't feel better. You need to rest.'' He uttered like nothing happened. He walked towards me but I immediately stepped backwards as well to avoid him.

''Don't go near me, Arthur. Please, I am telling you.'' I warned him as my voice slowly cracked. I swallowed hard but it was too late when he gently grabbed my hands and started pulling me somewhere.

But instead of recalling and remembering all the things that happened between us it feels like I am home again and it causes me to forget all the pain just because of his touch. It feels like the warm of his touch is giving me peace. I closed my eyes tightly and let him do all the things he wanted to do to me.

"Did you eat before you get yourself drunk, huh?" He ask while driving.

I don't even know why I am here now. I don't even know why I let him dragged me inside of his car without saying anything because even if how many times I will deny and distant myself from him, my heart couldn't stop wanting to see him and now that he is here, I just can't resist it.

"No." I answered coldly without looking at him since he is in the driver's seat while I am in the backseat.

He didn't speak again after hearing the tone of my voice.

After a few minutes he started letting a heavy sigh.

I don't know what to call our situation anymore but I just want to clear my mind too about all the things that is happening.

One of these days he will marrying someone and we are bound to forget each other and we can't change that fact anymore.

If I will go back in time I don't want to meet him. I don't want to feel all the pain that he gave to me. Yes, it's not his fault that I fell in love with him but I want to blame him for all the pain.

"You need to eat and rest. I'll bringing you home, Caroline." He uttered after a few minutes.

I can hear him but I didn't reply and move while leaning my head in the chair inside the car.

When his car stopped in front of his house he immediately go down to open the door for me as well but it was too late coz I can do it myself. He doesn't need to treat me like a princess like what he always used to do to me. It will just going to make everything hard for me to forget and accept our situation.

I saw how he scratch the back of his head and sigh. I stared at him and immediately looked away when I realized that he is waiting for me and I don't know how and what to react.

"Let's go inside. I will cook for you and you can also take a rest. But if you don't want to stay longer I can take you home after." He is hesitant and too careful about his words but I just nodded to him that made him shock for a while.

"Can we just go and stop talking at each other." I uttered because of annoyance and I saw how pain pass through his eyes that made me look away again.

Everything is hard for me but I am trying to do what's the best for us and most especially the very best for him.

He is too precious for me that hurting him scares me so much but that is the only way for me so that he won't push the things between us even more and besides, he lied to me and he ruined my trust. If ever we will continue I don't think I can give him all the things I gave him before again.

He is true to his words. He really did cook for me and we are so silent the whole time. I can see him from the kitchen super busy but keep glancing on me here while just sitting in the couch and holding the remote of his flat screen TV.

I keep glancing about what he is doing but he is doing the same thing to me too so I decided to just ignore him and wait for him to finish.

My brain is getting so tired from everything. I feel like this is draining me.

I came here in this place without anything and anyone for me and I am leaving with a consistent situation. Wow, just wow Caroline for being to unlucky for your life.

After Arthur and I finished eating he insisted again that I need to rest for a few minutes and he will take me home after because I told him that I wanted to leave already.

I followed him because maybe this is the last time that I will be seeing him and it's giving me a heavy feeling that I wanted to just stare at him, tell him that he is mine, and shout how I love him.

I swallowed hard as I decided to stand up from his couch.

"I will go now." I uttered that made him alert too.

He stood up and followed me.

"Okay, I'll take you home now." He said and immediately grab the key of his car from the center table.

"No, it's late and you need to rest too. I will find a taxi for myself and don't bother anymore." I answered with too much authority from my voice.

His brows furrowed like I said something very wrong.

"Caroline, it's late. It's dangerous outside, I will take you home." He insisted with so much worry on his face that I might decline his offer again.

"Arthur please, we've been together for about almost two hours now and I can't stay any longer with you anymore!" My voice is shaking and trying so hard not to show too much emotions to him.

I massaged the bridge of my nose as I also brushed my hair using my finger out of frustration.

Pain is all over Arthur's face. I stared at him and I can't stand it. What did I do? What did I do, God?

"Caroline, please. You are still mad at me but let me just-"

"Fuck that Arthur! Can you please just stop acting like everything happening between us is something so small that we can fix it right away, huh? We are not teens anymore and stop acting like we are!" I shouted at him and now I can fully see the confusion on his face as he looked away and nodded sarcastically.

"So you are thinking this really big, Caroline? Do you think we can't figure this out, huh? Do you think I will just let you slip away from me and not doing anything? Damn, woman, you are too hard to understand but I will never let you go."

His voice is getting gentler and gentler as he speaks. My knees shiver when he also slowly moved closer to me. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Arthur please," I begged when he is finally too close to me.

"Line, please. Let's fix this, let's leave and just escape, please?" His voice is all over my ears when he is finally giving me support through grabbing my waist and slowly pulling me closer to him.

I shake my head but it seems like he doesn't have any interest anymore to listen to me as his lips already kissing the side of my cheeks.

His kisses went to my ears until it reaches my neck.

"Please, let's figure these things out together." He whispered and tightened his grip from my waist.

I didn't respond to him and just let him do what he wants.

Oh God, I miss his touch so much. I miss his scent and warm. I miss everything about him that it made me think that staying with him without doubts and pain is possible, that choosing with him without fear is freaking possible.

I started encircling my arms around his nape as I tried to find his lips and started kissing him just like what he did earlier.

Our kisses became deeper and deeper. I can hear his heavy breathing while we are doing it.

He started moving his head aggressively while kissing me passionately.

His hands around my waist can't stay permanently when he started removing the black coat I am usually wearing when I am inside his office. It revealed the white sando inside of it and he is now slowly pulling me back in the couch.

He started kissing my neck again until he reached my collar bone. I closed my eyes tightly when I can already feel how I desperately wanted more from him tonight.

He started pulling the sleeveless sando down. The strap of my bra has been pulled too together with my sando. My right shoulder is already exposed from him.

Arthur is standing while I am kneeling in the couch looking up to his kisses.

Arthur finally finished removing my sando and my bra that is almost giving up from protecting my boobs is hanging from my shoulder.

He started kissing me again and I tried to remove his polo too. I regretted it right away when his broad shoulders and very toned body shamelessly shouting hotness in front of me.

That night I never thought about all the consequences that might happen between us. I was dominated by the desire of being touch by him, by our lust.

I forgot that I don't have anything from him. I forgot that I have assurance from him yet I don't want to ruined the life that he have. I forgot that choosing each other is a very bad decision to make for the both of us.

After that hot, passionate, and unstoppable night with the man I truly love, I woke up only to find out that he will leave. He is bound to forget me, he is destined to met and turn his back from me, from the road where his future was not secure. Arthur has a flight for that morning.

I saw his passport and his beautiful expensive name was written there. I am happy for him. I ham happy that he has future. I am happy yet the pain will forever stay inside of me.

If I didn't saw that passport from the couch, is he going to speak out and tell me that he is leaving? Or he intentionally spent that night with me because it's the last.

And it breaks me even more knowing that I am not part of it. I am not part of his plan. I am doubting and trying to trust him but it's too late when I also saw a text message stating that he already needs to come in the airport with his fiance.

That day I realized how cruel the world to me. I realized how nothing I am in this world. I am a loser trying to fit inside Arthur's world.

We are bound to forget each other. 

I am bound to burry the pain and anger inside of me.

I left him first that morning without saying a word nor wake him up to say goodbye because I can't take it if I saw him myself walking away from me while saying that everything doesn't last.