Chapter One: Why is he staring at me?

[Chapter Song: Whisper by RIO]

 

N A Y A 

 

 

The way the wind whistles all around me. The way the sun places itself behind the clouds with the soft shades of pink in the sky. The way everything turns into dark silence. The way I still see her face in those places. And the way I am only holding onto this ledge to prevent myself from falling.

 

 

 

I've always wanted to jump, to fall, to end everything, to end this empty feeling, but something is telling me that I can't yet. I am looking for reasons. It's not very important for me now if how many reasons there are. I just want one real reason to stay.

 

 

 

But I haven't found it yet.

 

 

 

 

Everyone must have gone home. Some other students would go to drinking places. Some would go to the Jongwon park to meet their dates. I see them every and end of the class. I could just look down and watch them walk hand in hand, alone, lonely, happy, even angry at one another.

 

 

 

 

 

Me? I usually end up here. On this rooftop. Alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nobody wants to be here. It stinks so bad with dead rats. I found two of the dead rats yesterday and threw them in the trash. I wouldn't bear it too long in that case.

 

 

 

 

 I am not sure why this place becomes a safe place for me. 

 

 

 

 

It is away from people. Away from the noise. It feels more like a home to me. I found words when I am alone here. Sometimes, I dont.

 

 

 

 

 Oftentimes, I imagine I am the only one left living on this planet. Just me. Because it often feels like that. 

 

 

 

 

So far nobody has found this place, except for me. And I don't want to share this with anyone. I want this to be a secret place for me. It's only mine. It's not like I ever own this place, but I found this first, so I think that should mean I am entitled to claim ownership somehow. 

 

 

 

 

 

My phone rings from my pocket. When I look who it is, the name of my mom is on the caller ID. I turn away and lower my head down to catch a breath before answering. 

 

 

 

 

 

“Mom?” I ask.

 

 

 

 

 

I hear her sobbing.“I can't do this anymore, Naya.” Her voice shakes from the other side. I can feel her sadness and suffering fills the atmosphere.

 

 

 

 

I close my eyes to refrain myself from crying. But hearing her this way crumples my heart so bad.

 

 

 

“Mom,” I say not knowing what to say. 

 

 

 

She crumbles into a helpless cry. “He doesn't love me the same. I can't live like this any longer.” She starts to cough and struggles to speak. 

 

 

 

 

I know my father doesn't love my mother since the day he caught her cheating on him with her coworker. He doesn't care about her the way he did before. He has changed. He comes home late every night after his work. My mother would wait until midnight. She would fall asleep in the living room and he would not bother to wake her up. 

 

 

 

It goes on and on.

 

 

 

I can't blame my father or my mother but it pains me every time I realize that I am losing both of them because of one major mistake. 

 

 

 

 

“I decided that starting next week, I will be staying with your aunt. It would be best if you stay with him. Nobody would cook for him.”

 

 

 

 

“What about you?” I say, still processing what she just said. 

 

 

 

 

“Don't mind me. I'll be fine.” She says in a calm tone. She's not crying anymore but she just keeps on sniffling. 

 

 

 

I nod even if she can't see me.  

 

 

 

 

My gaze hovers towards the sunset. I could see my mother like that, slowly fading away. 

 

 

 

 

I bring my knees close to my chest and hug it. “I'll be home soon. Be safe, mom.” That's all I say after. Then I hang up and put my phone inside my shorts pocket.

 

 

 

 

My eyes land on something below me. A dried flower.  Maybe it is my fault all this time. I blame myself a lot because I feel like I am supposed to do something to make them both fight for each other and also for me, but it feels like all that I ever do is give them permission to just fall apart that way.

 

 

 

 

I am such a useless mess.

 

 

 

 

The sun is gone. I should probably head home and sleep. I can just grab some coffee on the way and eat at least a burger for dinner.

 

 

 

 

I walk away from the ledge, swing open the rooftop entrance door and then let close itself from behind. 

 

 

 

When I reach the bottom of the stairs, I slow down when I notice a guy coming out of the abandoned room in the same building. The way he makes sure he does not make a sound closing the door is suspicious to me. He is tall but I can't tell who he is.  I can only see his silhouette from my distance. 

 

 

 

 

He walks straight toward the exit of the building and disappears. 

 

 

 

 

Who is he? And what is he still doing this time around the campus?

 

 

 

 

My curiosity vanishes when a text pings through my notification. A gasp leaves my mouth. I hope that guy didn't hear anything. 

 

 

 

 

I read the message from my best friend Chloe. She texted: There is a huge party tonight at Justine's place. Plus, a new student is coming. I heard he's cute and tall. Will you be there?? It's gonna be fun. Please. You missed out a lot so much these days. Show up, Aya. I missed you.

 

 

 

 

I leave out a sigh instead of a response. I turn my phone off, not minding her text. 

 

 

 

 

 

I roam around the darkness that covers the school campus. It's so quiet and peaceful even in the dark. Thankfully I have a few bars left to use my phone as a flashlight. 

 

 

 

 

 

I reach the gate of the school. Nobody is around. Not even that guy I saw earlier.

 

 

 

 What was he doing in that room by the way? 

 

 

 

 

I am still slightly curious. 

 

 

 

Wait is he a thief? Oh my-

 

 

 

This is a worst idea.

 

 

 

I shouldn't stay longer. 

 

 

 

I walk faster to reach the other side of the gate while taking glances over my shoulder as if he is going to come out soon and kill me, but he is nowhere to be found actually.

 

 

 

 

 So why am I overreacting?

 

 

 

When I turn my head away from looking behind, my feet are caught by a root of the tree that is bulging out of the surface, causing me to trip over it. 

 

 

 

 

I scream my way as I feel my body landing on the ground. But as I close my eyes to prepare myself to feel the pain, a hand slips into my waist, strong enough to catch me.

 

 

 

 

Everything stops except my heartbeat.

 

 

Thank God for this hand-

 

 

 

Wait. Is this hand...

 

 

 

 

My heart beats so loudly. I open my eyes hesitantly to see who it might be that just saved me from falling.

 

 

 

 

Our eyes meet in instant. His gaze is glued on me and on my lips. My arms are around his neck for support and I didn't know I had just done that. 

 

 

 

 

Why is he staring at me? 

 

 

 

 

He is a thief. He better run away to prevent himself from getting caught. 

 

 

 

 

Or maybe I should get away from him.

 

 

 

Oh my god. No.  I better escape from this thief before I get killed.

 

 

 

 

I immediately pull myself away from his hold and in quick movements, I grab my phone from the ground. My flash is still on, giving me an opportunity to recognize his face.

 

 

 

 

He has a firm jawline. Also, he has serious sharp eyes. It is giving me a nervous feeling. And his bangs on his forehead hang low above his eyes which gives him a mix of innocent and dangerous guy look. 

 

 

 

 Before I can fully memorize his face, he moves towards the darkness to hide himself, when he notices me examining him.

 

“Are you okay?” He asks in a low deep voice.

 

I look away. 

 

 

 

“Who are you? And what are you doing here in this hour?” I ask, ignoring his question. 

 

 

 

“I asked if you're okay.” He says. 

 

 

 

I really can't see him now because the darkness is wrapped around him. It's obvious he is only trying to not get recognized so I won't be able to report him.

 

 

 

 

I smirk, “Don't act as if you care about anything. You obviously only care about what you can steal from that room.” 

 

 

 

 

I hear him blows a chuckle. “Is that what you think of me?” I don't know if his voice is hurt or he's just being way too serious.

 

 

 

I step backward, “It doesn't matter what I think of you. What matters are the things you stole from that room.”

 

 

 

 

“So you really think I'm a thief and not someone who just saved you?” He asks, his voice firm. “You didn't even dare to say thank you.” 

 

 

“I didn't tell you to save me.”

 

 

 

 

“But it seemed like you needed it.” He sounds as if he is smirking secretly.

 

 

 

 

I can't believe this guy has the urge to slap me with that. I didn't even need his help in the first place. I rather feel the pain of the ground from falling than be saved in his hand.

 

 

 

“Well, I didn't need it. Good luck. Do your best to not get caught.” Then I walk away. 

 

 

 

He does not say anything back so I assume he's done talking to me too.

 

 

 

 

I feel guilty a little bit though. What if I am just too judgemental? What if he's not really a thief after all?

 

 

 

 

What if-

 

 

 

I sigh.

 

Whatever. I shake my head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don't care what he is. What he did in that room. Why he saved me. I don't care about him at all. Pretty much I don't want to care about anything or anyone.