THE WIDOW WHO NEVER WAS

ALIRA'S POV

I gazed at the results in my hands over and over again in confusion.

My hands shook violently as I read through every line carefully to make sure I wasn't reading any part wrong.

“Wh..wh..what’s the mea…meaning of this doctor?? I..I.. don't…understand.” I said as I stuttered.

"I am so sorry Mrs Alira but your chances of carrying a child of your own are very slim and nearly impossible....but there are other options to look at..we have surrogacy, adoptions and…”

"No!!!!! No..no..no..no..this can't be, doctor…this test is wrong!! I am sure it is…I felt something move inside of my stomach…I know I am pregnant.”

“It could be gas or stress because sometimes stress can manifest physically including having abdominal sensations.” The doctor said as tears welled up in my eyes.

“But why?? Why can't I ever conceive??? Why!!!!" 

“Try to be calm Mrs Alira while I explain the reasons for you…remember the time you got pregnant and took some pills you mistook for vitamins that we later found out they weren't actually vitamins, the pills caused a major damage in your womb…after conducting further tests, we determined that the damage to your uterus is extensive, making it unlikely for you to carry a pregnancy to term….the scarring from the miscarriage you had have compromised the uterine lining and structure, increasing the risk of complications during pregnancy, such as miscarriage or even uterine rupture….Unfortunately, in your case, the damage is irreparable, and we cannot guarantee a safe and successful pregnancy."

At that moment, my brain wasn't processing whatever the doctor was explaining to me anymore.

I suddenly started reminiscing when I found out I was pregnant after two whole years of trying for a child.

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The happiness I felt when I rushed home to my husband to break the good news to him and the look of disappointment on his face when he said to me,

“We can't have children right now Alira, try to understand…my career is just starting to blossom…I don't want kids getting in the way of that.”

The career my husband was talking about was the same career I helped him build, the same career I sacrificed my inheritance for, the same career I had sleepless nights for…it was the same career my husband said he didn't want our kids getting in the way of.

“What are you saying to me Alec?? You know I've been trying so hard to get pregnant for the past two years and this is the excitement I get from you??” I asked in disbelief.

“No my love…it's not that I am not happy about this…I really am but try to understand…I am not ready to be a Father.”

"What exactly are you trying to say Alec?? I should get rid of my pregnancy?? Because if you aren't ready to be a Father, I am ready to be a Mother.” I bit out in anger.

“You don't understand where I am coming from Alira and that's the problem I always have with you!! You don't try to understand me!!" Alec yelled as he ran his hand through his hair repeatedly.

“Try to understand what exactly Alec!!! Okay, let's start with this career of yours...who helped you in building it to this extent??" I asked.

“Here we go again." He said as he rolled his eyes.

"No, I want answers…I helped you!! I sacrificed a lot for you but you can't do this for me?? For us?? This is our baby for heaven's sake Alec!!! I didn't get myself pregnant!!!" 

"But you wanted to get pregnant!! Did you ever deem it fit to ask me what I wanted??” Alec asked as I scoffed in disbelief.

"I should have asked you, my husband if you wanted to have kids??? After two years of marriage?? Is this making any sense to you Alec because it isn't to me!!”

"You know what, I am done having this conversation with you…congratulations on your pregnancy Mrs Alira.” Alec said as he stormed out of the room.

“My pregnancy?? Oh wow…just wow!! It's now my pregnancy.” I said to myself as I sat on the floor and burst into tears.

It was supposed to be a happy day for me and my husband, or so I thought but I ended up crying myself to bed that fateful day while Alec didn't come back home for two days.

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"Mrs Alira!!” The doctor called as I snapped out of my thoughts.

"Yes??” I asked as I looked at her in confusion.

"Are you okay?? You spaced out for a while.”

"I am fine..do you have any other information for me??" I asked.

“No but I was suggesting that you can opt for surrogacy or…”

"I am fine, doctor…thank you…I would like to take my leave now." I said as I stood up from the chair I was seated.

"Alright Mrs Alira…take care of you." The doctor said as I nodded my head in response and walked out of her office.

As I walked slowly to my car, I couldn't help the tears that welled up in my eyes from slipping out anymore.

I had already planned on how to deliver the good news to my husband..I already booked the next available plane ticket to go back home after the hospital visit…but at the moment, I just couldn't.

“Ma'am, are we heading to the airport??" My driver asked.

“No, take me back to my hotel…I'll book another flight for tomorrow.” I said as I entered the car.

The driver took me back to my hotel room as I paid for another night.

I came to the UK for an important business deal which I bagged in flying colors but when I realized I had missed my period and felt some movements in my stomach, I decided to go to the hospital for a checkup hoping to get another good news but ended up getting one that has shattered my heart. 

I threw my handbag on the couch as I fell face flat on the bed. 

As the tears in my eyes began to gather again, I suddenly got a phone call.

I checked the caller ID and saw that it was my younger sister calling.

“Alira!!!!" She screamed as I sat up abruptly.

“What the matter Betsy?? Why are you screaming?? What happened??” I asked in worry.

"Alira!! I am pregnant!!”