Chapter 9 – Truth or Dare

The walk back to the academy was silent.

Nikolai didn't speak. Didn't look at me. Just walked beside me, naked and blood-streaked, his bare feet making no sound on the forest floor. I kept my eyes fixed straight ahead, trying very hard not to look at him, trying even harder to pretend my heart wasn't pounding.

He'd killed six wolves to save me.

Six wolves.

And then he'd shifted back into a human in front of me, naked and vulnerable, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

It is natural, a voice whispered in my head. For him. For them. For whatever you are.

I didn't know what I was.

But I was starting to believe I wasn't human.

---

The academy loomed ahead of us, dark and silent.

Most of the windows were dark. The students were asleep, or pretending to be, unaware that one of their alphas had just slaughtered a pack of wolves in the forest.

Nikolai stopped at the edge of the tree line.

"Go to your room," he said. "Lock the door. Don't open it for anyone."

"What about you?"

"I need to... clean up." He glanced down at his blood-covered body. "I'll come find you in the morning."

"Nikolai—"

"Ela." His voice was sharp. "Please. Just do what I ask."

I wanted to argue. Wanted to demand answers. Wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he told me everything—about the wolves, about the note, about why he'd risked his life for someone he claimed to hate.

But I was too tired. Too scared. Too something.

So I just nodded.

And walked back to my room alone.

---

I didn't sleep.

I sat on my bed, staring at the door, waiting for something to happen. A knock. A crash. A note sliding under the door.

Nothing.

Just silence.

And the memory of Nikolai's golden eyes in the darkness.

---

He came at dawn.

I heard his footsteps in the hallway—heavy, deliberate, unmistakable. Then a knock. Three quick raps.

"Ela. Open up."

I opened the door.

He was wearing clean clothes—black jeans, a dark gray sweater, his hair still damp from a shower. The blood was gone. The wolf was gone. He looked almost... normal.

Except for his eyes.

They were still ice-blue. But there was something new in them. Something softer. Something almost gentle.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

I stepped aside.

---

He stood in the middle of my room, looking around at the small space—the unmade bed, the cluttered desk, the purple suitcase still open on the floor where I'd dropped it after crawling back through the window.

"You were really going to leave," he said.

"Yes."

"Without saying goodbye."

"You locked me in your room and told me to go back to mine. You didn't exactly give me a reason to stay."

His jaw tightened. "I was trying to protect you."

"From what?"

He turned to face me.

"From the truth," he said. "But I can't protect you from it anymore. Not after last night."

My heart started pounding. "What truth?"

Nikolai took a deep breath. Let it out slowly. His hands were clenched at his sides, his knuckles white.

"You're not human, Ela."

I'd heard it before. From Lukas. From the headmaster. From the whispers in the dining hall.

But hearing it from Nikolai—Nikolai, who had looked at me like I was nothing, who had told me to stay out of his way, who had killed six wolves to save my life—

It hit differently.

"I'm human," I said. "I've always been human. I was born human. I grew up human. I—"

"Your mother was human." He stepped closer. "But your father wasn't."

"I don't even know who my father is."

"Yes, you do." His voice was quiet. Certain. "He's the headmaster, Ela. Aldric Vane. And he's not human either."

The room spun.

I grabbed the edge of my desk to steady myself.

"That's not—he can't be—"

"He's a wolf. One of the oldest. One of the most powerful." Nikolai's eyes searched my face. "And you carry his blood. Suppressed, dormant, hidden—but it's there. It's always been there."

I shook my head. "No. No, that's not possible. My mother would have told me. She would have—"

"Would she?" He tilted his head. "Would she have told you that she fell in love with a wolf? That she bore his child? That she ran away from this place to protect you from people who would have used you?"

I thought of my mother. Her silence. Her sadness. The way she looked at me sometimes like she was seeing a ghost.

You're hiding something, Ela. You've been hiding something since the day you were born.

"I don't believe you," I whispered.

Nikolai reached out and took my hand. His fingers were warm. Calloused. Gentle in a way I hadn't expected.

"Look at me," he said.

I looked up.

"When you're scared, you bite your lower lip," he said. "You've done it three times since I walked in. And every time you do—" He lifted his free hand and touched my face, his thumb brushing the corner of my mouth. "—your eyes glow."

"They don't—"

"They do." He leaned closer. "They're glowing right now, Ela. Gold. Just like mine do when I shift."

I pulled away. Stumbled backward. Pressed myself against the wall.

"You're lying."

"I'm not."

"You have to be lying. I can't—I can't be—"

"A wolf?" He finished the sentence for me. "You're not. Not fully. But you carry the blood. And that blood is waking up."

I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor, my knees pulled to my chest, my arms wrapped around them.

Wolf blood.

Suppressed. Dormant. Waking up.

"Is that why I threw Freya across the room?" I asked. "Is that why I could feel the wolves in the forest before I saw them? Is that why I dreamed of running with—" I stopped.

"Running with what?"

With you, I almost said. I dreamed of running with a wolf with golden eyes.

But I couldn't say that. Couldn't admit that I'd seen him in my dreams before I'd ever seen him in person.

"Nothing," I said. "It's nothing."

Nikolai crouched in front of me.

His face was level with mine. Close enough that I could see the individual flecks of darker blue in his irises, the faint scar above his eyebrow, the way his jaw tightened when he was trying to control his emotions.

"You're scared," he said.

"Yes."

"Good. Fear will keep you alive."

"I don't want to be alive. I want to understand."

He was quiet for a moment. Then he reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my cheek.

"I'll help you understand," he said. "But you have to trust me."

"Do I have a choice?"

"No," he admitted. "But I'd like you to choose me anyway."

---

We sat on the floor for a long time.

Nikolai told me everything.

About the wolf bloodlines. About the Sacred Blood Accord. About the Shadowborn—the secret society that hunted "impure" wolves like me.

He told me about his family. The Volkovs. One of the oldest wolf dynasties in the world, tracing their lineage back to Siberia, to the frozen forests where the first wolves learned to shift.

He told me about the bond.

"Fated mates," he said. "It's rare. Most wolves find someone they choose to be with, someone they love. But every few generations, a bond forms that can't be explained. Two people who are meant for each other. Two souls that fit together like pieces of a puzzle."

"And you think we're—"

"I don't think." His eyes met mine. "I know."

"How?"

He lifted his hand and pressed it to his chest. Right over his heart.

"The moment you stepped off the bus, I felt it. A pull. Like something was reaching inside me and twisting." His voice dropped. "I've never felt anything like it. I've never wanted anything like it."

"Want?"

"I want to be near you. I want to touch you. I want to—" He stopped. Swallowed. "I want to claim you. Mark you. Make you mine in a way that no one can ever take away."

My breath caught.

"That sounds like obsession."

"It is." He didn't deny it. "It's a beautiful, terrible, all-consuming obsession. And it's killing me, Ela. Every moment we're apart, my wolf tears me apart from the inside. Every moment we're together, I have to fight myself to keep from—"

He stopped again.

"From what?"

"From doing what Lukas did." His jaw tightened. "From taking what I want without asking."

I thought of Lukas's kiss. The way his lips had crushed against mine. The way he'd held me against the wall like I was something to be conquered.

"You're not like him," I said.

"How do you know?"

"Because you're here. Talking to me. Asking me to trust you instead of just—" I gestured vaguely. "—taking."

Nikolai stared at me.

For a long moment, neither of us spoke.

Then, quietly, he said: "You bit him."

"What?"

"When he kissed you. You bit him. Drew blood." A ghost of a smile crossed his face. "That's very wolf of you."

I didn't know what to say to that.

---

The sun rose higher.

Light streamed through my window, painting gold stripes across the floor. Nikolai was still sitting across from me, his back against the wall, his legs stretched out in front of him.

We'd been talking for hours.

Or maybe minutes.

Time had stopped making sense.

"You said your eyes glow when you bite your lip," Nikolai said suddenly.

"What?"

"Before. I told you your eyes glow when you bite your lip." He tilted his head. "Do it again."

"Why?"

"I want to see something."

I hesitated. Then I bit my lower lip.

Nikolai's breath caught.

His eyes—those ice-blue eyes—darkened. His pupils dilated. His whole body went rigid, like he was fighting against something.

"They're gold," he said. "Bright gold. Like—" He stopped. Swallowed. "Like the sun."

I let go of my lip. "What does that mean?"

"It means the blood is waking up faster than I thought." He ran a hand through his hair, clearly agitated. "It means you're not just a carrier, Ela. You're a shifter. Or you will be, soon."

"I don't want to be a shifter."

"It's not a choice."

"It should be."

Nikolai looked at me. Really looked at me. Like he was seeing past my skin, past my fear, past everything I pretended to be.

"Maybe it is," he said. "Maybe everything is a choice. Maybe that's what scares me most."

---

Another silence.

Longer this time.

I stared at my hands. At the small, soft hands that had thrown a girl across a room. At the body that had always felt too big, too much, too something.

Maybe that something was wolf.

Maybe I'd been carrying this blood my whole life without knowing it. Maybe the reason I'd always felt like an outsider, like I didn't belong anywhere, was because I wasn't supposed to be human.

Maybe I was supposed to be here.

With him.

"Nikolai," I said.

"Yes?"

"Earlier. In the forest. You said the bond was killing you."

He nodded slowly.

"What would happen if we... if we kissed?"

His whole body went still.

"Ela."

"I'm serious." I lifted my head and met his eyes. "If I have wolf blood. If we're fated mates. Then kissing you should... I don't know. Prove something. Right?"

"It would prove everything." His voice was rough. "And nothing. It would change everything. And nothing at all."

"That's not an answer."

"No," he agreed. "It's not."

I pushed myself up off the floor.

Nikolai watched me, his eyes tracking my every movement. He didn't stand. Didn't move. Just watched, like he was waiting for something.

I walked toward him.

Stopped in front of him.

Looked down at his face—at the sharp jaw, the full lips, the ice-blue eyes that had haunted my dreams before I even knew his name.

"Kiss me," I said.

He didn't move.

"Ela, don't—"

"Kiss me, Nikolai." My voice was shaking. My hands were shaking. Everything was shaking. "If I have wolf blood, it will react to yours. You said so yourself."

"It's not that simple."

"Then make it simple."

He stood up.

Tower over me. His body was so close I could feel the heat radiating off him, could smell pine and snow and something darker, something that made my pulse race.

"If I kiss you," he said slowly, "I won't be able to stop. Not with just a kiss. Not with just—" He gestured between us. "—this."

"Then don't stop."

"Ela."

"I'm tired of being afraid." Tears pricked at my eyes, but I blinked them back. "I'm tired of not knowing who I am. What I am. What I'm supposed to feel."

"You're supposed to feel whatever you feel."

"I feel—" I stopped. Swallowed. Took a breath. "I feel like I'm standing on the edge of something. A cliff. A battlefield. A—a beginning. And I don't want to jump alone."

Nikolai's hands came up.

Cupped my face.

His thumbs brushed my cheeks, wiping away tears I hadn't realized I'd shed.

"You're not alone," he said. "You've never been alone. Not since the moment you were born. Not since the moment your blood was mixed with mine in some cosmic joke that neither of us asked for."

"Then prove it."

His eyes searched mine.

"What are you asking me, Ela?"

I reached up and touched his face. Felt the stubble on his jaw, the warmth of his skin, the way his breath hitched when my fingers traced his lower lip.

"I'm asking you to kiss me," I said. "I'm asking you to show me the truth. I'm asking you to—"

"—to make me yours."