LOVE

Everybody have their definition of what love is and how it feels like and all the emotions and expectations that follows it, I don’t. 

I used to think that love was Tomi, it was as simple as that for me. 

Tomi was the girl of my dreams, her unblemished ebony face that needed no make up to enhance her beauty. Deep brown eyes that never fails to capture my heart anytime she looks at me, and a sinful figure that didn’t fit her innocent personality. Tomi was my best friend, Tomi was the girl I loved and Tomi was my brother girlfriend.

Before you start judging me like my countrymen who always leap before looking, Tomi was mine first. I was just too scared to say anything. We were friends and silly younger me thought it was completely okay to pretend in my head that we would be together forever once she realized that I was the man of her dreams. 

It didn’t work out that way for me, it turned out that I was her perfect little sidekick and my brother was the man of her dreams. I can’t even find it in me to get angry at her choice, he is way cooler than me. 

I frowned at that thought, yes he was cooler. Yes he is better in the eyes of most people who knows the two of us but it doesn’t change the fact that I loved Tomi more than he ever will. 

“Kola, shebi I am invisible now.”  Tomi said snapping her fingers in front of my face as I jolted out of my reprieve.

“I’m sorry dear, I was just thinking about something.” I said immediately with my face forming into an unconscious smile it always forms anytime my eyes rested on Tomi. 

“About our double date, there’s Cynthia, that girl has been pinning for you for more than 3 years, it’s your fault though, you were the one who pursued her while we were still in school.” Tomi said as she drops her handbag on the seat and sipped the smoothie I had made for her.

I smile at that memory, that was when Femi, my brother just newly started dating Tomi, to remove my mind from the heartbreak, I tried to keep myself busy by dating Cynthia, she is a very nice girl but she deserves a chance at a guy who loves her completely and not one who is in love with his brother girlfriend. “3 years is more than enough time for her to get over me.”

“But she is not, why don’t you just give her a shot, you were happy when you were with her.” Tomi said softly while stroking my hand in a bid to not make me lash at her for trying to interfere in my love life, something we promised each other not to do when she started dating Femi. 

“What do you think you are doing?” I asked her with my eyebrows raised totally ignoring her words. Not willing to go back to the time she was referring to … she thinks I was happy because during that time, she was happy and didn’t see outside the bubble that she was in.

“Trying to make sure you don’t end up old and lonely.” Tomi replies as I shook my head at her.

“I am 27, not 50. Seriously why are you trying to meddle?” I asked her as she breathed a defeated sigh.

“I am not supposed to tell you this but since you are my best friend, I am not supposed to keep it from you either. “ Tomi said as I looked at her strangely. She tells me everything, even when she is not supposed to, how is this any different?

“Me and Femi are having issues. He thinks that you like me.” Tomi said as if it was one big secret and I hissed at her and rested back on my chair, she was pulling my leg. “I am serious.”

“And I like you, big deal. If I didn’t we would not be seated here together.” 

“He thinks you love me.” She tries again as I smile and tug on her braid. 

“I do love you, you are my best friend.”

“Kola, you are not listening to me. He thinks that you have romantic feelings for me because he caught you staring at me at odds times, he doesn’t understand that you are wacko most times so he is taking offense and wants me to reduce the amount of time we spend together, I don’t want to let go of my best friend because of his brother so if you are dating someone, he won’t think that impossible thought that went through his head.” Tomi ranted as panic flared in my mind. Femi cannot think that I like his girl, the tense relationship we already had between our parents is putting so much on our family that we cannot afford to be quarreling too. 

“Wacko?” I tilted my head at my best friend who rolled her eyes at me.

“Of everything I said, trust your brain to pick that one out.” 

“So that’s the reason why you are trying you hand at matchmaking?” I asked as Tomi shrugged.

“It seems to be enough reason for me.” Tomi said as I sighed. 

“You suck at it.” I tell her as she throws her chips at me. “Food fight?” I asked her.

“NO, you child.” She admonished with a giggle. “Since I suck at it, why don’t you give it a try?” 

“So you want me to start dating a girl to get my brother off your back, you do realize that it’s your relationship problem right? I don’t have to do anything.”

“You want me to reduce our time together?” She threatens.

“You would chose him over me?” 

“If you are being stubborn about the whole thing, why wouldn’t I?” She fires back as I kept quiet and reclined back into her seat with her arm folded over my chest.

I know that I shouldn’t experience heartbreak but in that moment, that was all I am feeling. I was pathetic, experiencing heartbreak over a girl that likes my brother. I have nothing left here, me trying to pretend that it would change, that she will eventually see me is over, I have to move on.  She knows that I hate being second to golden boy Femi yet she just put me there, and didn’t have the decency to look at me anymore even though she knows what she just did. 

“I will spare you of making the decision then.” I said as I reached into my suit jacket and got my wallet, I toss a couple of naira notes on the table and stood up to leave, that was when her eyes widened at my actions.

“So you are just going to leave me here, when all I said is the truth. What is wrong with you?” Tomi demanded heatedly. I would make excuses before and look into her eyes to see her panic but it was time I stop putting meaning behind her unspoken action and words, if I meant a lot to her, even as friends, she would have given me the honor of voicing them out, just like she did for my brother even though he wasn’t here.

“Yes I am. After all, we both need some space.” I tell her I left the restaurant. When I got into my car, I rested my head on the steering wheel for a few minutes before I got my phone and speed dialed my brother. 

“What’s up lil’ bro.” He said in a jovial tone as he picked up. All I could feel at the moment towards him was anger. He caused this divide between me and Tomi. 

“Tomi is where you dropped her, come and pick her up.” I tell him then hang up, put my car in reverse and drove out of there.

Love was Tomi.

Now, Tomi is just a friend

And love? Love doesn’t exists.