Chapter Two

I am sitting in a small couch while looking at a mirror in front me. I don't know why I'm looking at myself now, but doing this is making me realize why people are calling me a cold woman.

I barely smile and show my expressions. Kahit na ano'ng gawin at isipin ko, hindi ko magawang gumuhit ng normal na expresyon. Hindi man napapansin ng iba, tunay na punong-puno ng lungkot at puot ang puso't isipan ko.

Tulad ngayon, kumikirot nang sobra ang puso ko pero hindi ko magawang maglabas ng kahit na anong expresyon o umiyak man lang. Nandito ako ngayon sa isang kwarto sa condo ni Storm habang naririnig ko syang sumisigaw sa sala.

"I'm telling you, I didn't touch her! Ma, alam mo naman na hindi ako gano'ng lalaki! I will never touch a woman kapag hindi kami kasal! That woman selfishly planed everything! She's desperate!"

'Yon ang mga salitang hindi ko inasahang lalabas sa bibig ni Storm. He's always bright and calm. Isa syang mabait na lalaki kaya kahit minsan ay hindi sya nagsalita ng bagay na makakasakit saakin. Ngunit dahil napuno sya ng galit ngayon, isinisigaw nya ang mga bagay na mas nagpapabigat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko.

Last night when he fell asleep, I asked my bodyguards to carry him in his condo. Nahanap ko ang keycard nya kaya hindi na ako nahirapan na ipasok sya. At nang makapasok kami, ipinaalis ko na ang guards ko para kaming dalawa na lang ang maiwang mag-isa. I took all his clothes off while he's sleeping peacefully. Kinapalan ko na rin ang mukha ko at hinubad ang lahat ng damit na suot ko at saka tumabi sa kanya. He was sleeping beside me on that time habang ako ay nanatiling gising, thinking that tomorrow will be worst.

Alam ko'ng palaging bumibisita ang Mommy nya dito sa condo nya. Kaya kanina, nakapasok ang mommy nya sa loob ng kwartong ito kung saan kami natutulog. His mother screamed so loud when she saw us sleeping together in the same bed, naked. Anyone who will see us in that situation will think that we slept together and that's my plan.

If I can't marry him in the name of love, I will make him marry me because of responsibility.

"Storm! Kitang-kita ko na ang lahat! The both of you was naked at itatangi mo pa? Whatever you say, my decision is now final. You're gonna marry that woman! You're a man and you should be responsible!" narinig kong sigaw ng nanay nya. Parehas silang umiiyak at nagsisigawan habang ako ay parang yelong naninigas habang pinagmamasdan ang sarili ko sa salamin.

I remember how angry he was when he saw me naked beside him. Halata rin na hindi sya makapaniwala sa ginawa ko. Halos lamunin nya na ako sa sobrang sama ng tingin nya no'n pero umiiwas lang ako ng tingin dahil alam kong hindi ko kakayanin na makita at harapin ang sama nang loob nya.

"Ma, I don't want to marry her! I don't want to! I already have a girlfriend and that's the woman I want to marry! Ayoko'ng magpakasal sa makasarili na babaeng 'yon!" Storm roared.

Unti-unting nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang marinig ang sinabi nya. Mas lalong kumirot ang puso ko dahil sa sakit at pagkabigla. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko at halos mawalan na ako ng hininga. Parang may mga malilit na kutsilyo ang tumutusok sa puso ko.

He have someone he like? He have a girlfriend? I didn't know! He never told me about that!

Bakit ba hindi nya sinabi saakin? We're friends and he didn't even let me know that. Hindi ko alam na may babae na pala syang nagugustuhan. Kung sinabi nya lang sana saakin nang mas maaga baka nagbago pa ang isip ko at hindi itinuloy ang planong ito.

Napaangat ako nang tingin nang biglang magbukas ang pintuan. My whole body shivered when I saw Storm glaring at me angrily with tears on his eyes. He's so terrifying. I never felt fear like this before. He's even scarier than my furious father.

Ganito pala ang pakiramdam kapag nakikita mong kinamumuhian ka ng taong mahal mo. Para akong batong naninigas habang nakatingin sa kanya. Napuno ng kahihiyan ang buong pagkatao ko at ngayon ko lang hiniling na sana kainin na lang ako ng lupa o kaya naman sana mawala na lang ako bigla na parang bula.

For the first time, I showed him an expression. An expression of fear and guilt. I know that what I did was very selfish kaya kahit na ano'ng masasakit na sabihin nya ngayon ay tatangapin ko basta pakasalan nya lang ako.

"You... How could you do that to me? Naging mabuti ako'ng kaibigan sa'yo! Akala ko ba kaibigan kita paano mo nagawa sa'kin 'to!? How could you do that just because you're in love with me!? I trusted you! You became an important person to me! I treated you well even though other people hates you! How could you ruin my life?"

Halos mawalan na sya ng balanse habang umiiyak at isinisigaw ang mga salitang 'yon. He's crying out loud and he almost scream because of anger. He can't accept that a very close friend of him did this.

"Just say sorry, Geneviève. I will forgive you. Baka magawa pa kitang tratuhin tulad no'ng pag-trato ko sayo noon. Just say sorry. Say that you didn't mean to do this and maybe I can save our friendship. Tell my mother that I didn't touch you. You know what's the truth and I know you. You're not this kind of person, Geneviève. Please..."

Nanlamig ang buong katawan ko dahil sa sinabi nya. My lips are trembling and I don't know where I can search the right words I can tell him. If I said sorry, I can still change everything. I can still save our friendship.

But I know it can't happen now. Marami na ang nangyari at kahit ano'ng gawin ko, hindi na namin maibabalik ang dati. Kahit ano pa ang sabihin ko, hindi ko na maibabalik ang tiwala nya.

Inaamin ko'ng nagisisi na ako sa ginawa ko ngayon lalo na't nalaman ko na may girlfriend na pala sya. Pero huli na ang lahat para magsisi. Nagawa ko na ang hindi dapat. Alam ko'ng masisira nito ang mabuting relasyon namin habang buhay pero itutuloy ko pa rin ito kahit parehas kaming masasaktan.

I bit my lip again. It almost bleed but I didn't care. "I want you to marry me. I told you, didn't I? I'm in love with you. And yes, I am that desperate just to make you mine."

At ang mga salitang 'yon ang dahilan kung bakit nya ako mas kinamuhian. That day, our good relationship completely shattered.

...

Para sa ibang mga kababaihan, ang makasal sa taong mahal nila ay ang pinakamasayang araw na magaganap sa kanilang buhay. Most of them even have their wedding dream. Kahit nga bata pa lang ay may mga nangangarap na tungkol sa bagay na 'yon.

Today is the day when I'm going to marry the man I love. But if someone will ask me if I'm happy, the answer is no and it will always be no. Kahit ano'ng mangyari ay hindi ako magiging masaya at maaring 'yon na ang kabayaran sa kasalanan na nagawa ko. Handa na rin ako'ng harapin ang kasalanan na 'yon.

I'm suffering and I took the man I love to suffer with me. 'Yon ang pinakamasamang bagay na nagawa ko ngunit hindi ko nagawang itama. Alam ko rin na hindi ko 'yon magagawang itama kahit na anong taon pa ang dumaan o kahit ano pang pagkakataon ang maibigay saakin.

Nakasuot ako ngayon ng isang wedding dress. Ang wedding dress na isinuot ni Lola sa kasal nila ni Lolo. Ito rin ang isinuot ni Mommy noong kasal nila ni Daddy. This wedding gown is a treasure of our family. Milyon ang iginastos nila noon para lang sa puting gown na ito kaya naman sobrang iniingatan ito ng pamilya namin.

Sobrang ganda ko ngayon. My hair is elegantly braided. My gown looks majestic. A famous makeup artist did my makeup. Pero kahit ano'ng ganda ko, alam kong hindi ko pa rin mapapasaya kahit na kaunti ang taong pakakasalan ko ngayon.

Walang nagawa si Storm kundi ang pumayag na pakasalan ako. Wala na rin namang naging problema ang pamilya namin dahil pareho nilang alam na malaki ang makukuha nilang yaman kapag nagkaisa ang pamilya namin. Ilang beses pang nakiusap si Storm na itigil ang kasal ngunit sa huli ay tuluyan na syang sumuko.

Pansamantalang nakalabas si Lolo sa ospital para pumunta sa kasal na magaganap ngayon. Unti lang rin ang bisita na pumunta dahil mas minabuti namin na wala munang iba pang makaalam tungkol dito dahil teenagers pa kami at maari itong makaapekto sa pag-aaral namin. Ayoko rin naman magkaroon ng issue kaya pumayag na rin ako na itago ito.

I'm holding a bouquet of flowers while walking into the aisle. Some brides will smile and even cry in this situation but not in my case. My expression is cold and I can't feel any excitement and joy. Ang tanging masaya lang naman siguro dito ay si Lolo dahil natupad ko na ang hiling nya at ang mga magulang ko dahil sa wakas ay nagkaroon na ako ng pakinabang para mapalago ang negosyo nila.

Hindi ko magawang tingnan si Storm ngunit sigurado ako na hindi rin sya masaya at nakangiti tulad ko. Alam ko'ng ayaw nyang ituloy ang kasal na 'to. Alam ko'ng gusto nya na lang umalis sa lugar na ito at malayo saakin habang buhay.

This is a wedding day where the groom and bride are unhappy. A wedding ceremony is heaven to other people. But for us, it's hell or maybe it's even worst than hell.

Tuluyan na akong nakalakad palapit sa lalaking papakasalan ko. Hindi ko nagawang tumingin sa kanya hanggang tuluyan nang nagsimula ang ceremonya. Nagsimula nang magsalita ang father na magkakasal saamin ngayon at doon na nag-umpisa ang lahat.

"Storm Rodriguez, do you take Geneviève Arabella Aikawa to be your wedded wife to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her so long as you both shall live?"

Saglit na natahimik si Storm. I know that he want to say no but I also know that he can't do that because our family are watching. "I do..." he said and breathed heavily.

"Geneviève Arabella Aikawa, do you take Storm Rodriguez to be your wedded husband to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?"

Napayuko ako bago magsalita. "I do..."

We exchanged rings without a feeling of happiness. We said 'I do' even we didn't really mean it. We promised each other that we will love each other for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part... but we can't really do it.

"By the power vested in me by God and man, I pronounce you wife and husband. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. You may seal this declaration with a kiss."

Napatingin ako sa kanya pagkatapos 'yon sabihin ni Father. I love him, but I don't want him to kiss me if he don't love me. A kiss in a wedding will be meaningless if the groom doesn't love the bride.

But we can't do anything about it. Our family are watching us. Lolo is watching me and I don't want him to feel unhappy.

So with a heavy heart, we gave each other a 2 seconds kiss. People clapped their hands joyously. Humarap kami sa kanila at saka namin nakita ang masasaya nilang ngiti.

And that day, our married life with full of hatred started.