Chapter 13

Ava's POV

Never.

Never have I felt this way in my life. I’d endured pain. I’d endured humiliation. But this—this urge to just stop existing—was something else entirely. Something terrifying. Something final.

I wanted it to end. I wanted me to end. I badly want to right now.

The years had been cruel. First under Alpha Darien's control, using me as a plaything, and then under Luna Alina’s spiteful punishment. It never mattered what I did. If I tried to resist the Alpha, I was punished. If I gave in, I was punished worse. And now? Now she was punishing me for his sins. For being defiled by the same man who claimed me like a prize no one else was allowed to look at.

I hated this place. I hated the walls that watched me suffer. I hated the silence that screamed louder than words. I hate how helpless I am in this place. How even when I’m alone, I wasn’t free...I was always afraid they'll barge into my room, they'll call for me. I live in fear everyday.

Would anyone even care if I disappeared? Would anyone notice if I just stopped breathing? Or would they simply step over my body, relieved that the burden named Ava had finally crumbled?

God. I’m just so…tired.

Tired of waking up. Tired of pretending I’m strong. Tired of surviving when I never asked to be this strong in the first place. Tired of dragging my body through another day, another night, another assault of shame and silence. Why can't my body just give up one day? But it's fine anyway. If my body doesn't want to do that...I'll do it for both of us.

Mom...Dad...are you watching this? Why are you letting your only daughter suffer so much? Why? Am I paying for your sins or is this just my fate? Whatever it is...I'm done. I'm coming to join you soon...

I closed my eyes, allowing the dam break. The tears I’d held back for years flooded freely now, soaking my cheeks, my chin, my soul. I cried until i was tired. My breath hitched, and I opened my eyes, vision blurry as I stared down at the knife in my hand. It had been there for minutes, maybe hours sef.

I closed my eyes again, raised the knife, positioned it just above my stomach, my hand shaking with the beat of my heart.

But the knife didn't move. I felt a large force stopping the knife from coming down. I tried harder, but the knife wasn't moving. I opened my eyes, startled to see Lyra in front of me, both hands gripping the handle, her knuckles white with strain.

"Ava, can you hear me..." her voice was muffled, distant like she was speaking through water. My sobs had deafened me.

I loosened my grip without meaning to. The knife dell into her hands and she flung it across the room like it burned her.

I collapsed forward, my knees hitting the cold floor with a dull thud. I didn’t even feel it. I was so numb, so drained, like everything inside me had gone hollow.

Lyra dropped to her knees in front of me, wrapping her arms around my shaking shoulders. Her warmth felt foreign. Wrong. Like something I wasn’t allowed to feel. I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t know how to receive it.

I wanted to push her away, scream at her to leave me alone. Scream at her that I didn't want her to save me, that I wanted to die, even though i know it's a lie but I couldn’t. I didn’t have the strength.

“Ava,” she whispered again, her voice trembling as her fingers brushed through my tangled hair with so much gentleness.

Briane knelt beside me us, silently. She didn’t touch me—just stared at me with wide, teary eyes. Like she didn’t know whether to cry or scream. Her lips parted like she wanted to speak but couldn't find the words.

I wanted to tell her not to look at me like that...Like I was a glass doll already cracked beyond repair. But all that came out of my throat was a raw, aching sob.

“I can’t… I can’t do this anymore,” I choked out. My voice sounded alien to me, hoarse and hollow and barely audible. “I’ve tried…I’ve tried so hard to survive, but I don’t want to anymore. I don’t want to keep pretending that this isn’t killing me.”

Lyra’s arms tightened. Her tears were warm against my neck. It should have comforted me. It didn’t. They didn’t know. They couldn’t know what I've been through and how I feel. They hadn’t felt the Alpha’s hands at night. They hadn’t heard Luna Alina’s venom and punishment in the morning. They hadn’t lived inside a body used like a vessel, discarded like filth.

They didn’t know what it meant to be punished for something you didn't do. They didn’t know how it felt to have your body survive things your mind couldn’t process.

I hated that they stopped me. And I hated that a tiny part of me was relieved they did. But I felt a piece of shame at myself. I'm really and greatly ashamed at myself for wanting to live.

"Her hand..." Briane whispered, looking down at my right hand. I looked down too, seeing it properly for the first time. It was red, blistered and burned.

Lyra gasped, letting go of me as she stared down at the hand. “Did you burn yourself?” Her voice trembled, cracking at the edges. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to say anything… I’ll get the kit, We need to clean this. It could get infected.” she murmured, more to herself than to me.

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. My throat felt sealed shut, raw from crying, from screaming silently in my head. All I could do was sit there, trembling like a leaf ripped from its branch, lost in a storm it never asked for.

Briane remained at my side, inching closer. “Did you do this to yourself?” she asked softly. I shook my head 'no'

“I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m so, so sorry,” she whispered, pulling me into a gentle hug.

I hated the pity in her voice, even though I knew she meant well. I hated that I was still here, still breathing, still curled up like some pathetic animal waiting for someone to put it out of its misery.

Lyra returned with a cloth and a first aid box in her hands. Briane pulled away, her arms hesitating like she didn’t want to let go.

Lyra dropped to her knees again, opened the first aid kit and brought out a small jar. She unscrewed the lid of the jar with trembling fingers. “This is going to sting,” she said softly. “But I’ll be gentle.”

I stared at her like she was a ghost. I flinched when the ointment touched my skin. My breath hitched again, and more tears spilled without warning.

"I'm so sorry if it hurts, Ava." she whispered, dabbing at the wound with a cloth, her other hand wiping my tears with the back of her palm. I didn’t speak. I couldn’t. The pain wasn’t just on my hand—it was everywhere.

“You are strong, Ava. You are the strongest person I know." Briane said.

“I’m so tired…” I whispered again. “I don’t want to wake up in this hell tomorrow. I don’t want to see his face. I don’t want to hear her voice.”

“You won’t,” Briane said suddenly, her voice steadier now. Her eyes, still wet, met mine and all I can see is love and sincerity. “We won’t let them near you again. Not after this. Not ever again.”

I laughed. “You can’t stop them. No one can. He owns me, remember? I’m his pet. His toy. His fuckin’ property.”

"Don't say that again, Ava." Lyra snapped. "You are not property. You are not his. I don’t care what this fucked-up pack says or thinks—you are not his.”

Her hands were still cradling mine, pressing the cloth gently against the burn, but her eyes were like fire. I had never seen her like this—angry, fierce, and scared all at once.

"But there's really nothing you can do. I mean...its my fate." I whispered.

"Firstly, you'll be staying in my room. You won't stay in yours. You are not going back to yours anytime soon." Lyra said.

"What if the Luna or Alpha come looking for her?" Briane asked.

"Then, we can say she fainted or collapsed or anything. We can make up something. Just leave it to me." Lyra replied, packing up the first aid kit.

"Yeah, that's better then." Briane said.

I couldn’t say anything. I was just staring at them. It's a really thoughtful idea. At least, with what I know, they don't call for me when I fainted, at least. They allow me to wake up, that's what I think. Or it might just be that I'm lucky at that moment.

"You're okay with that right?" Lyra asked, standing up and I nodded slowly. "Good. Briane take her to my room. Be careful so nobody will see you. I'll join you after returning this kit."

Briane stood up, helping me up gently while Lyra went out of the kitchen. Briane peeked outside the kitchen, then waved me forward. We walked quickly, quietly toward Lyra’s room with nobody seeing us but immediately Briane opened the door to Lyra’s room, two maids walked past. They paused, bowed politely and walked on.

"Fuck. I hope those girls don't say anything, though." Briane said.

"Hopefully." I muttered. Lyra entered moments later, holding a steaming cup.

"Ava, this is for you. Drink this and sleep." she said, and I nodded taking it from her. She gestured for me to sit on the bed and I did while sipping the hot tea.

"You don't have to go out for a few days, at least. I'll keep making excuses for you, don't worry. Luna Alina already asked of you but i told the messenger you fainted." Lyra said, sitting on the chair opposite me.

"Thank you, Lyra." I whispered.

"I'll get going now. I'll come and check you again later." Briane said and I nodded.

Briane opened the door, and frozed mid-step, her eyes widened and fixed on the other end of the door as if she had seen a ghost.

She stepped back, slowly and I looked up. My heart slammed against my ribs like it wanted to escape me as it locked on those eyes...