Chapter one

I watched my husband struggle to breathe and for the first time in years I didn’t pity him at all.

I went closer to where he was lying down beneath the kitchen slab where I usually cut vegetables while making his favorite meal with anticipation of having him home but there was was no joy in my heart , all I felt was an anger and a rage that the joy of having him home can never measure up to .the love that had once lived inside me had turned into nothing but rage and fear .

I tried to stand straight and watch him clearly but I was losing my gait and my vision was blurry .

I watched blood drip down my hands as I struggled in pain. I moved closer determined that today should probably be the end of our story .

I picked up the knife again from his grip and stabbed him again on his shoulder but couldn’t go too deep as my strength was failing me .

I staggered down to my knees and noticed him blinking and murmuring soft words that I couldn’t hear , words that are more softer than the words I have heard for the past two years of my marriage.

I couldn’t keep up on my knees as there was no strength left in my body to carry me . So I fell down and lay beside him .

The kitchen was full of blood which was a mixture of both our blood and our clothes were soaked , I couldn’t think of anything but all I knew was that this was the end of us , end of our marriage and the end to my suffering and sham of a marriage .

My husband may have wanted me dead for so long which was why he beat me almost all the time and today must have been the most determined day which was why he strangled my neck while I was making dinner for him and also why he attacked me .

I just lay down there waiting for my time to come until I suddenly felt him holding my hands softly just like the first day we held hands .

“I’m really sorry “ he uttered softly in between gasps and hardened breaths.

I opened my eyes slowly and looked at him wondering whether there was hope in his eyes , but what I found was confusing , I wondered if it was regret or fear , seeing how blood was all over his face and how he struggled

“ what was so scary about him now that made me fear him all the time “

Was the Universe aware this would happen when we made our vows four years ago ?

These were the thoughts going through my head until I finally couldn’t hear or feel myself.

It was 7:pm when I started making dinner. I had just received a text message from my husband who hasn’t been home for two days .

“ I want to have baked salmon with asparagus and potatoes in the next two hours “

Seeing this text with no explanation about where he had been or why he couldn’t pick or return my calls I had to quickly rush to get dinner ready especially since he was specific about it.

I decided to use today as one of my experiment days on my Lessons from my therapist and social media on how the way to change a man was through good foods .

I have always doubted that analogy because I was a chef and an international one so my husband was never deprived of food before but I have never been able to change him .

My sister had called me while I was cooking and we were happily talking about how her boyfriend had proposed to her . When I heard about it I wasn’t happy because marriage had become something I wouldn’t advise girls or ladies to aspire to , even if they should get married there was need for proper check or screening if I should say .

I got carried away with the call because I was looking for a better way not to turn my younger sister into a marriage antagonist and at the same time not let her walk into a frozen field where seeds of peace , happiness and freedom would never grow .

Suddenly my husband walked into the kitchen which startled me since I didn’t notice his car driving into the compound or him walking through the kitchen door .

“Are you done? “ he asked with his usual strong countenance.

“I’m still on it “ I answered, trying so hard not to let my anger show and trying to seem unbothered about what he chose to do with his life and time .

Suddenly I noticed a silhouette reflecting in the kitchen and I looked up to see a lady standing in front of the door dressed in bum shorts and a tank top , my countenance changed immediately.

“ So this was the reason you were away for two days “ I asked him, trying so hard not to be the kind of wife who crashed out all the time .

“Ask her to hurry up, your baby wants homemade food exactly the way she makes it “the girl said in a flirtatious way .That was when I remembered where I had seen her before , my husband had been with many girls and I had to stop counting for my sanity sake . She was Amelia the girl I had seen in his office when I visited him with a lunch I made for him after I created a new recipe .

“ drop the godd damn phone and hurry up with the cooking “ he shouted and I could feel the anger in his voice . I dropped my phone on the slab and prayed my sister didn’t notice what just happened . How could a man be controlled by every other woman but his wife ? I wondered what I was in my marriage other than a tool that could be moved and ordered around whenever.

“ Hello Cassie are you okay “ my sister’s voice came through on the phone and I picked it up again to assure her everything was okay and I could handle it then suddenly my husband quickly collected the phone and smashed it against the wall and that was when I couldn’t take it anymore.

I quickly poured the dish I was making into the sink and turned around facing him, calling him all the things he had been doing since we got married , he was a cheat ! An abuser and a chronic liar and also the worst man ever to exist and I guess those words bruised his ego because he suddenly grabbed my neck trying to choke me as he did all the time and instead of struggling and begging him to have mercy on me i simply leaned closer allowing him to choke me to death because earlier that day after collecting my test result from the hospital I knew there was no need to be alive anymore, in between my pains and wish to be dead I knew that I shouldn’t be the only one gone , he needed to be dead too because he was the actor who ruined my life and gave me a sexually transmitted disease.