Alex~The library is quieter than I expect for a Tuesday afternoon, sun slanting through the high windows in streaks that cut across the long rows of desks. I spot Jordan easily, hunched over a stack of notes with his earbuds in, tapping a pen against his laptop like the beat is something only he can hear.I drop my bag on the chair beside him, and he looks up with that grin of his that always feels half-mocking, half-genuine.“Alex,” he says, pulling one bud out. “Man of mystery. Thought you disappeared.”“I’ve been around.” I slide into the chair, tugging a notebook out mostly so I look like I have a reason to be here.“Around where? The Bermuda Triangle?” He leans back, smirking. “You ghost me for days, and then show up like nothing happened. I feel neglected.”“You’ll survive,” I say, flipping my pen between my fingers.Jordan chuckles. “Cold. Real cold.” He nudges the water bottle across the desk toward me. “Drink. You look like you haven’t had a glass of water since last week.”
Alex~ I wake before Seth. It takes me a second to realize why my chest feels heavy, why I’m staring at the ceiling instead of closing my eyes again. Then last night crawls back. I hear the sound of his voice in the dark, low and tired, saying words that still sting like splinters. Just a couple more weeks… we’ll get this over with. I roll onto my side. Seth’s shape is turned away from me, curled under his blanket. For a second, I almost reach out, almost shake his shoulder and just ask. But my hand hovers uselessly halfway before I pull it back. Instead, I get up quietly. My feet touch the cold floor, and I move around the room like I’m the intruder. Grabbing clothes from the dresser, closing drawers slowly so they don’t scrape. Part of me almost hopes he stirs, that he turns and says something, anything. But another part of me dreads it. What if he confirms the thing already twisting in my stomach? He doesn’t move till I get to the bathroom. In the bathroom, I brush my te
Alex~The hallway feels longer than usual, the carpet muffling my steps until it’s just me and the quiet hum of the building. The light from the stairwell fades behind me, and every door I pass seems to close off another piece of the world. By the time I reach ours, I’m almost hoping Seth won’t be inside. I’m not sure what I’d say if he was whether I’d even look at him or just pretend I’d forgotten how to speak.The knob feels cool in my hand. The room is empty when I push it open. The blinds are drawn, letting in only a thin, pale slice of afternoon, and the air carries that faint, clean scent of his body wash, like he’d been here earlier and just missed me. My eyes land on his bed the crumpled hoodie at the foot of it, his pillow a little indented like he’d been lying there.I drop my bag beside the desk and stand there for a beat, caught between moving and just… standing. The quiet presses in, making my own breathing sound loud in my ears.Finally, I peel off my hoodie and sink ont
Alex~By the next morning, things are no better, Seth moves around the dorm with the kind of focus that leaves no room for conversation. I half expect him to say something about my hair sticking up or how late I slept in, but the only sound is the zip of his backpack and the soft click of the door when he leaves.By the time I actually get up, the day feels half gone. I scroll my phone, drag myself into the shower, and tell myself I should probably do something with my time. The truth is, I already decided last night. Jordan texted about hitting the café near campus, and it felt like the right distraction.When Seth comes back between classes, I’m pulling on my jacket. He glances over, eyebrows lifting just slightly.“Going somewhere?” he asks, tone casual, like he’s just asking because the room is too quiet.“Yeah,” I say, zipping up. “Jordan wanted to hang out for a bit. Figured I’d go.” I keep my tone even, like it’s nothing worth noting.He just nods, fiddling with something in hi
Alex~I get to the dorm and tell myself I am going to work. I even open the assignment tab, skim the prompt, and think about which source to start with. Then I switch to my phone, just for a second, just to check notifications before I start, and it’s over.The light from the screen glows against the sheets and I am stretched out on my stomach, elbows digging into the mattress, scrolling like it’s my only job. Half the stuff I see I don’t even register. I flick past videos of people’s pets, campus memes, clips from shows I will never watch. I hit like on posts I barely read. I am only halfway paying attention to the content, just eating the motion of it, one thumb-swipe after another, trying not to think too much.The noise in my head has been louder lately, loud and messy a sharp contrast to the way Seth has been this period, super quiet and detached. These days it feels like he is choosing each word before he says it, or maybe not choosing them at all and letting the space fill inst
Alex~By Monday morning, the rhythm between us feels different. It’s not the kind of change anyone else would notice, not unless they’d spent this much time watching him without meaning to but I notice.The room is quiet except for the faint rasp of a zipper and the thump of shoes hitting the floor. Seth’s already dressed, standing by his dresser with his backpack open. Usually he’s still in bed when I wake up, feigning sleep so he can make some comment about my hair sticking up like it’s been electrocuted or groaning about me hogging the blanket. But this morning, all I get is a flat, “Pass me the charger.”I hand it over without saying anything.He shoves it into his bag, checks his phone, and mutters something about being late. He doesn’t meet my eyes when he swings the strap over his shoulder, and the door closes behind him before I’ve finished tying my laces.I sit there for a minute, staring at the door. It’s not unusual for him to be busy he has practice, meetings, random erran