Not My Home

Lily Thompson

“Mummy, where are we going? This isn't the way back home?” Isabella questioned in the cab on our way back to the penthouse

“Well, honey we’re going somewhere else” I replied, amused by the clear confusion on her face

“Where? To see Uncle Riri?”

For a minute I thought she had forgotten about Ryan, turns out I was wrong. So much for surprises.

I gave a vague shrug. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

“Take a turn here” I directed the driver

The cab pulled up to the high-rise building, and Isabella’s jaw dropped.

“Whoa… Is this a hotel?!”

I paid the driver and helped her out of the car. “It’s our new home. For now.”

“She stood frozen on the pavement, her little backpack sliding off one shoulder. “We’re going to live… here?”

“Come on,” I said, adjusting her bag and nudging her toward the lobby doors. “Wait till you see the inside.”

I guided her through the elevator till we got inside the penthouse. Her eyes widened, and her jaw dropped in awe of how wonderful the penthouse looked

“Wow” she whispered, taking in the beauty of the penthouse

“I know. It’s amazin-”

“Uncle Riri!!!” Isabella screamed immediately she saw Ryan and rushed to him, and he caught her mid-run, lifting her off the ground like she weighed nothing. She looked genuinely happy to see him and up until that moment I couldn't understand why. Why was Ryan so charming to her?

I should be happy.

My daughter was practically bouncing off the marble floors, her little shoes making soft taps across the polished tiles as she sprinted from room to room. Her eyes sparkled with wonder, her laughter echoing through the oversized penthouse like bells. It was everything she’d never had growing up—space, light, ceilings so high they looked like they belonged to royalty.

And for once, she wasn’t asking if we could afford it.

I should be happy.

But all I could feel was an uncomfortable tightness in my chest every time I looked at Ryan.

He was in his element—relaxed, confident, stupidly handsome in his rolled-up sleeves and loose tie, as if this place was his. As if he belonged here. As if we belonged here with him.

“Bells!!” he carried her up and threw her in the air and her laughter filled the air. “I've missed you so much”

“Me too” Isabella giggled. “Is this your house??”

“Yes…” Ryan answered, and then he looked at me “Well, it kinda is.”

His 'Yes… well, it kinda is' to Isabella twisted something in my gut. Same old Ryan. Always skirting the truth, always charming his way around it. It was a cold, familiar knot in my chest. He hadn't changed, and he never would

“Honey, Rya- uncle Ryan is just saying that he lives here but he doesn't own the place, and we’re going to be staying here too” I delivered the news to her, and I watched her brows rise and mouth fell open as she screamed in excitement

“Uncle Riri, that means I get to see you everyday” Isabella beamed, practically vibrating

Ryan chuckled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Looks like it, Bells. You’ll probably get tired of me soon.”

“Never!” Isabella protested, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck as if to prove her point. I stood back, watching the two of them bond so effortlessly, a strange warmth filling my chest. Ryan had this way with her, a way that both surprised and unsettled me.

“Okay, bells. How about you come pick any room you want while you tell me all about school today and after that I’ll take you and mummy on a tour of the house? How does that sound?” he asked, raising his palm up

“Awesome!!!” isabella shouted and gave him a high five and walked towards the rooms

Well. Great. Leave Lily, the mother of the child, out of the plans to pick her new room.

The fact that isabella had become so fond of Ryan had me feeling so disturbed and kind of left out

I hurriedly followed them behind while they were so absorbed in talking to each other

“This one is so much better than the last one. It’s great for you. Do you like it?” Ryan asked her

Before Isabella could speak up, I did. “Pumpkin, I think we should check the last room, you might like it better than this one”

Isabella shrugged and scrunched her face before looking up at Ryan “Uncle Riri, likes this one, I like it too. I chose this one uncle Riri” she jumped and pulled Ryan into the room

Of course. Why wouldn’t she pick the one that Ryan liked

I folded my arms, watching the two of them, feeling a strange sense of exclusion again. My daughter, who barely warmed up to anyone that quickly, was now Ryan's biggest fan.

“Alright, Bells, this one’s yours,” Ryan said, grinning at her. “You’ve got great taste.”

I let out a small, resigned laugh, a sound that tasted of bittersweet pride. 'Of course, she does,' I murmured, my gaze fixed on Isabella. 'She’s my daughter, after all.'

Ryan smirked, but his eyes softened as they met mine. "She sure is."

Ryan’s gaze returned to Isabella, and he picked her up from the bed. “Now that you picked a room, time for your house tour and then when we’re done, I’ll help you unpack”

He turned to us with a grin that should’ve been illegal. “Wanna see the rest?”

Before I could say no, Isabella screamed, “Yes!” and grabbed his hand and dragged him down the hallway like they’d been living here for years.

I followed slowly, forcing myself to unclench my jaw.

The hallway was long and sleek, lined with minimalist art pieces I didn’t understand and soft lighting that seemed to follow you like magic. Isabella pointed at every room like she was on a treasure hunt. Ryan opened each door like a host showing off his personal palace.

“This is the guest room,” he said, flicking the switch on a room with a velvet couch, a fireplace, and a wall-length bookshelf. “Office space, technically. But it could be whatever.”

“And this?” I narrowed my eyes as he opened another door across the hall. “You sure know your way around this place for someone who’s just moving in with us.”

He didn’t flinch. But he blinked once—too slow.

"I... uh... wanted to make sure it was good enough for you and Bells. Came by to, you know, inspect it earlier."

I raised a brow.

But Isabella was already hopping into the next room, squealing

Ryan showed us the kitchen, the laundry room, the gym, the swimming pool and other great areas of the house. It was beautiful.

“And here’s the best part,” Ryan said with a grin as he led us out onto the balcony. The view was breathtaking. The city lights sparkled in the twilight, and I could see the ocean in the distance, glowing under the sunset

How did he already know everywhere in the house when he moved in the same time as I did??

Isabella’s eyes widened. “Mummy, look! We can see the whole world from here!”

I stood frozen at the entrance, fingers tightening around the strap of my worn handbag as Isabella ran toward the tall glass windows with a squeal.

I smiled, though it felt forced. “Don’t press your face against the glass, baby.”

Too late. Her little cheeks were already smushed flat as she made a delighted fog print with her breath.

Ryan chuckled beside me. “She’s a natural city girl.”

I didn’t respond. I didn’t have the energy to argue.

I smiled at her excitement, though part of me wondered if this was too much. This wasn’t the life we were used to. It was too easy to get swept up in the beauty of it all, but it wasn’t ours. It was Ryan’s world—or at least the world he lived in now.

“Yeah, pumpkin, it’s beautiful,” I said softly, resting my hand on her shoulder. She leaned against me, still gazing out at the view, completely mesmerized.

Ryan stood next to us, his hands resting on the balcony railing. “You’ll get used to it,” he said, almost as if reading my mind. “It’s a lot at first, but... it starts to feel like home after a while.”

I turned to him, my gaze hardening. “This isn’t home. It’s temporary.”

He nodded, but his expression didn’t waver. “Maybe. But while you’re here, you and Bells deserve to enjoy it. No need to keep your guard up all the time, Lily.”

I bit my lip, unsure how to respond. Part of me wanted to snap back, to tell him that I had every reason to keep my guard up especially around him.

But another part of me was exhausted. Exhausted from being the strong, single mom who had to keep everything together.

And seeing Isabella so happy made me wonder if maybe, just maybe, I could let myself relax. Just for a little while..

Was that supposed to be easy? After everything?

But I didn’t argue. I didn’t have it in me.

Not tonight.