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20: Is it working?
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My Love, Annie 21: Weakling, huh?
"Why?" Elijah asked me with both curiosity and worry in his eyes. I know it may sound stupid and unreasonable right at this moment, given that I'm in between of having panic attacks which are obviously caused by one and only Simon; but they can't blame me. I need answers and hindi ako matatahimik hanggat hindi ko iyon mismo naririnig kay Simon. For sure he has reasons, and I need to hear them. "I don't know. But I need to talk to him. I know it's not the best or wise decision to do right now given all the panic attacks and emotional stress he caused me, but I need to face him. No one's gonna help me to deal my own shits unless I do," pag amin ko. He sighed and looked away. "Fine. But you'll see him once you're done visiting your therapist. We still need to be sure that it won't affect your recovery," he concluded. I nodded and reached for his hand."Thank you so much Eli.." I mouthed and he just returned it with an upward smile. "As much as I dislike your request, I just can
My Love, Annie 22: You don't hurt the one you love.
Mag-iisang linggo na din akong nandito sa pamamahay ni Elijah. At kahit nga nakakapagod ang trabaho ko sa opisina ay akalain mong mamimiss ko rin pala ito ng sobra. Bagot na bagot na ako sa paulit ulit na panonood ng movie, paghiga-higa maghapon at nalinis ko na rin yata maski ang kasuluk-sulukan ng pamamahay ni Eli. Hindi bale, dalawang araw nalang naman at papasok na akong muli sa trabaho. Kahit nakakabwisit si Kairus ay akalain mo nakaka-miss din pala ang mokong na 'yon. But all in all, I was doing really fine habang nandito ako sa pangangalaga ni Eli. Akala ko noong una ay sobrang mahihirapan akong mag-adjust pero mali ako. Again, Elijah made sure that I'll be living comfortably here in his home, he made sure he's always there to check up on me from time to time. Kahit pa nga minsan ay busy siya sa trabaho niya ay nagagawa pa rin niyang maglaan ng oras para samahan ako sa mga kailangan kong gawin, kagaya na lamang ng pagpunta sa clinic para sa aking therapy for my PTSD. Though I'm
My Love, Annie 23: I know you so well
After my meeting with Simon’s mom, Elijah drove us back to his place. Both of us were silent and not daring to open our mouths to say anything. It’s been obvious that the talk didn’t turn out pretty well for me. I’m not blaming Tita Helen though, it’s just that my anxiety was really working up that made me react that way. Kahit noong makarating kami sa apartment niya ay hindi pa rin ako umiimik. I don’t know. I just don’t know what to say. All I want is to stay silent and let this night pass. Pagpasok ng apartment ay nagdire-diretso na ako sa aking kwarto. Yes, I already have my own room. Elijah managed to fix his studio and made it my room, despite his busy schedules. I was about to open my room but I was stopped after a subtle grasp on my wrist. “Hey.. wait.” Elijah called. So I bounce back and turn my neck to look at him. His eyes were worried and the obvious pity was seen in it. I sighed and looked away. “Look, I know and I understand that you don’t want to talk about it..
My Love, Annie 24: Pose for me
Sunday afternoon.“Are you really sure you’re okay going back to work?” tanong ulit ni Kairus. We were having a video call. Umismid naman ako at tinapunan siya ng tingin habang nagtitiklop ng aking mga damit. “Okay na nga ako Kai.” pagdidiin ko pa.“I don’t believe you. I can always talk to our boss to give you a few weeks more,” he offered again. Again, I rolled my eyes. “Thank you Kai, but I need to get back to work. I have bills to pay, nakakahiya na kay Elijah.” sabi ko pa.I heard him scoff kaya naman sinamaan ko siya ulit ng tingin. “For all I know, your best friend doesn’t mind having you there in his home.” “He sure doesn’t mind it at all but my pride says no.” I said as I walked back to the table and settled myself in front of my laptop.I smiled when I saw how Kairus’ face changed when I sat back and focused on him. He was outside, probably hanging out. Spending his day off in a cafe by the look of his background.“If you say so,” he muttered, “Anyway, I’ll send you l
My Love, Annie 25: Here We Go Again
I was busy with this proofreading but my mind can’t seem to focus because of that mini project Elijah is talking about. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba na pumayag ako sa project na iyon. Elijah is quite persuasive about it. And I trust his words so much that I accepted it after ng ilang pagpupumilit niya. I groaned and massaged my temples.Nakarinig naman ako ng mumunting tawa sa pinto ko kaya umangat ang ulo ko para tingan iyon. At nadatnan ng mata ko si Kairus na nakatayo doon habang natatawa sa akin. He has two cups of coffee in his hands and isang maliit na brown paper bag. “Kakabalik mo pa lang stress ka na kaagad?” naiiling niyang sabi saka tuluyang pumasok sa opisina ko. “I told you to just stay at home for a while, kulit mo kasi eh.” sabi pa niya at naupo sa harap ko. Agad namang umikot ang mata ko sa pinagsasabi niya. “It’s not what you think it is,” masungit kong sabi.“Eh ano pala?” tanong niya kaagad at saka iniabot sa akin ang isang kape. “This has nothing to do with wor
My Love, Annie 26: Boudoir
“Come in,” And we both walked ahead inside his spacious studio. Again, it felt illegal to be in here. The feeling was strange and undescribable. Aaminin ko, ilang beses pa lamang akong nakapunta dito pero sa ilang beses na iyon ay hindi ko pa rin maiwasan na hindi mamangha tuwing tatapak ang paa ko sa lugar na ito. This place was too special for Elijah. This is where his magic happens. His personal space. A place where he can be true to himself. And to think that he let me in this space sends a different feeling to me.I don’t know why, but it felt illegal. I felt different. It’s as if I’m looking and entering the different side of him. It feels like I’m into another world. A world where the only thing you can only breathe in was his burning passion for arts. I felt like every piece of art inside this place is equal to tiny bits of himself. Because Elijah himself is a walking art.Every corner of this place screams his personality. The neutral color of this place shouts his name. Wh
My Love, Annie 27: Burning passion (R18)
I climbed up to the bed at ramdam na ramdam ko sa aking likod ang mabibigat na tingin ni Elijah. Ngayon pa lang ay nagdadalawang isip na ako kung tama pa bang sumang-ayon ako sa project na ito. Hindi ako manhid. I can feel it. But just like him I’m trying to cool it down. It’s fucking obvious, his every gaze feels like he’s stripping me with his eyes. At imbes na pagalitan ko ang aking sarili ay para bang mas gusto ko pa ang pakiramdam na hatid nito sa akin. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi humanga sa aking sarili knowing I could bring effects like this to Eli. I feel so proud of myself. Humarap akong muli sa kanya and I found him standing behind the camera. And my breath almost hitched in my throat as soon as I met the heaviness of his gaze as he fixed the camera to get the perfect angle. “Wait,” sabi niya. I watched him walk towards the small table in the corner. He took out his phone and started to scribble down something. “Fuck, deadbatt. Can I borrow your phone?” he asked, turnin
My Love, Annie 28: Happy Birthday
Three days..Three days after that steamy makeout back in Elijah's studio, everything went back to normal. Hindi ko malilimutan kung paano ako inulan ng tukso ni Kairus nang makita niya ang purple marks sa aking leeg nang pumasok ako kinabukasan sa trabaho.Elijah and I made a decent talk after that makeout session. We cleared out the thick air between us the moment we sat back in his car that night. Nilinaw namin ang sitwasyon. Ofcourse nandoon na yung pag-aalala niya na baka nabastos niya ako dahil hindi siya nakapagpigil ng sarili. But I made it clear to him that, I let that happen because I want it to happen. We both wanted it that time. No hard feelings. And that's what I really liked about Elijah. How we can talk about certain matters like a real adult. How we solved every issues together, how we can sit and talk about the problem and deal with it like the adults that we were. —-----Today is December 23. My fucking birthday. It was already 6 pm when I arrived at Elijah's
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