Chapter 2: The Man, My Grandma and Me

The way he calls me makes me feel like I’m not a lady. 

            And it made me feel utterly insulted, made me feel wholly sick.

My mamita once told me during my eighteenth birthday that I look like a lady. That I am now a lady. Any boy or young man would surely fall in love when they see my face and body. 

But the man in front of me is not a boy. I even doubt if he’s a young man. With that body built, I’m pretty sure every woman in their town lusted over him. That just means…

“Don’t make me drag you out of here!” The strange man growled. I saw in the corner of my sight that his eyes were becoming redder and redder, as if he was ready to crush me with just a pair of his eyes. He was growling, snarling. I watch his shoulders move up and down, until I don’t. 

Frightened, nervous, and overjoyed emotions flood my system, and my heart feels like it would burst from my chest.

Instead of saving myself, I asked. “A-Are you okay?” 

My body retreated as I questioned him. I shouldn't have asked him. And I should’ve gotten away physically from him.  With his hands, he covered his eyes and groaned. His arms appeared to be bulging with veins as though he were exerting control over something. And that something could be me.

The only sounds I've heard inside the cabin are his heavy breathing and my own loud heartbeat. “Go while I'm still restrained!"

I tried to reach out to him. “You d-don’t look o-okay…” my hand briefly hovered over his right shoulder.

Despite my worries and protest, he pushed me violently on the wooden floor.  "I told you to get the hell out of here before I eat your flesh, you stupid human being!" 

My heart felt like it had been stabbed by a piping hot knife a million times. He called me stupid. Right, I must be stupid. I was so stupid to be helping a stranger I barely know. I was so stupid to be saving the ass of a man who, instead of receiving a warm thank you, he called me names and pushed me away from my own cabin. Great. Just fucking great.

Cold tears pooled in the corner of my eyes as I ran away. The news was right. There’s a blizzard. And I’m trying to get home while it’s snowing so hard that my puffy eyes couldn’t see the right track anymore. Where am I right now? 

I didn’t look back. He’s probably dying at this very moment but I shouldn’t care anymore. I don’t care anymore. He chose death. 

He wanted me out of his sight. So out of his sight I will be.

Biting my lower lip, I kept on running with tears trickling under my eyes, ignoring the icy wind and the wild cold even if my vision started to blur. Luckily, I saw the blinking light of our castle.

My castle, my home. 

My grandmother was waiting for me by the arched window, its stained glass erupted into iridescent light as the last ray of sunshine entered through it as the blizzard charge on. She looked so worried even from a distance, pacing back and forth on the patio and rubbing her hands on her arms. She puffed out from an icy breath when she turned around.

My eyes met hers. 

“Ma—Mamita…” I whispered, my voice hoarse because of the cold swarming within the castle’s walls. When our eyes met once again, she immediately sprinted towards me. My face remained stone-hard as she grabbed both of my shoulders. “What have you done, Cassidy! Look at you! Are you looking for death?!”

I took a deep breath before answering. “Mamita—I…” my voice croaked. I just want to hug her and cry in the comfort of her arms. For some reason, the way that strange man treated me makes me feel so sad and useless. But my melancholy overweighs the outrage, and I don’t understand why.

I just met him hours ago, yet…“It shouldn't feel this way…” My voice came out louder than I expected.

“Shouldn’t feel what?” She shook my shoulders again. “What, Cassidy?!” 

My mamita was so angry and worried and relieved at the same time. “Come on, let’s get you warm!” She hissed and accompanied me on my way inside our castle. She set the fireplace and gave me a warm cup of water. “Here, drink this.” 

I removed my gloves first and put it on the living room table before getting the cup of water from her. My hands were literally shaking as our hands met. “Heavens, Cassidy! You’re going to be the reason for my death!” She inhaled once, “This is what I’m talking about. I won’t let you go out on your own starting tomorrow!” 

“But Mamit—” 

“No more excuses!” Mamita put her hands on her waist. “I won’t hear anything from you from now on. My decision is final.” 

Sighing, I put down the cup of warm water on my lap. She gave me a pierce, warning look so I brought it again in my lips, drinking it. 

“Your clothes must be wet. Strip, and we’ll change it.” As soon as Mamita went upstairs to get me some pairs of clothes, I blushed because I remembered the conversation that I had with that strange man.

I remain stiff, disobeying her orders. “Cassidy,” she inhaled through her nose. “Are you putting up a fight with me again?” 

Honestly, I should be the one more furious than her.. 

“No, it’s just that…” Giving up, I strip in front of my grandmother and let her in charge of changing my clothes as if I was still a toddler. “Mamita, I’m already eighteen.” I swallowed before resuming, “Is my breast and body not exceptional enough with the women my age?”

“What kind of question is that?” Her forehead wrinkled more. “Your body is wonderful, Cassidy. It’s a gift from God. You should accept and admire it wholeheartedly.” My eyes almost roll because of her litany again. 

“What I mean is…is my body enough to show to everyone that I am eighteen?”

“And why the hell are you showing your body to everyone?!” 

“Please, Mamita,” I insisted. “Do not involve God with this again. Just answer my question and tell me the truth: are my breasts too—” My throat bobbed, “—too small?” 

She gently cupped my right cheek. “Did someone make a comment on your body? Is that why you’re feeling insecure now?” 

Everything in me aches as if that man has plunged a thousand hot knives on my chest using his bare hands. If he can do that with just his words, how much more with his actual hands?

            I have helped him, treated his wounds and even fed him despite the fact my cooking skills are questionable.

            And yet…‘He banished me instead,’ I thought, my fingers curled and uncurled. I don’t know why I help him and why I expect thanks from him where in fact it was from my own choice that I helped him.

            If only I didn’t…if only I left him to be devoured by the cold and frost and storm—

            I wouldn’t feel hurtful like this. I wouldn’t be crying. I wouldn’t be wasting my tears for such a decision that I myself has chosen.

            But everything has already passed, everything already happened.

            And I just have to accept the outcome and continue what I have chosen in the first place—to help that fucking wolf.

            ‘But he’s a cute dog…’ my mind countered, my cheeks staining with red. My  grandmother’s brows furrowed upon seeing my silent tears but I ignored her, as if she’s not there.

            Instead, I crossed my arms. Sucking a deep breath, I will myself to stand and close the windows. I cannot afford for the snowstorm to make its way in the castle at night.

            My eyes widened in shock when I didn’t answer her. Her lips remained pursed and her jaw tightened, signaling that I’m subtly in trouble. 

Panic roared in my veins. And so, I immediately answered. “Of course not! Who would it be? I was just walking, and picking up fresh pears, and, uh, strolling on the cabin. All done by myself.” 

“All by yourself?”

I look straight in her eyes, hoisting my crossed fingers. “Yes, all by myself! Who would’ve commented on my body when it’s only me and you in this place, Mamita.” I scoffed and looked away, gripping the borderline of my cardigan.

But even with a poker face, my Mamita still sensed that, somehow, I was lying—

No. That I am lying.