Chapter 3 Double Whammy

(Emmeline)

My heart is pounding so fast, I can hear the blood rushing through my head. “What makes you think that, sweetie?” I ask, wondering if he’ll notice that my voice is 2 octaves higher than usual.

He runs to my bedroom and comes back a minute later waving around a picture I keep in a box under my bed.

A picture I haven’t looked at in years, because it hurts too much. 

It’s of me and Asher. Laughing, carefree and desperately in love. 

It was taken about 2 months before his disappearance, just after we got engaged.

My first instinct is to lie. To tell him that of course that man on the news isn’t his daddy. 

But anyone with halfway decent eyesight can see that it’s the same person. He’s even more handsome now that he’s older, but it’s undeniably the same person.

I crouch down, taking the picture from his hand gently. “Yes, baby. I think it is. He disappeared before I knew you were in my belly and he used a different name when I knew him.”

Jackson considers my answer, glancing back at the television before looking at me again. “Is my daddy a bad man?” he asks. 

Before I can respond he rushes ahead. “Sometimes I’m bad and you tell me you don’t like the thing I did, but you still love me. We can still love my daddy and help him be better. Can we be a family now, mama?”

“Sweetheart, I haven’t spoken to him in a very long time. And the bad things he’s done is not the same as snacking cookies before dinner,” I try and explain. 

It seems I’ve taught him so much about forgiveness and love, that he has a shaky grasp on crimes and consequences.

I eventually get him into bed and after reading 4 books he finally falls asleep. 

Unfortunately there’s nobody to read me stories and I toss and turn all night.

For years all I wanted was one hour with Asher. The opportunity to ask him why he deserted me. What I’d done wrong to make him run away.

Now I have a million more questions. 

Did he ever actually love me? Why lie to me and ask me to marry him, only to disappear? 

I never got the impression that he was a psychopath, but nobody else could be so convincing about loving someone, knowing they were going to break their heart soon.

He murdered his own father! 

I don’t know how his sudden resurfacing is going to impact me and Jackson, but I’m terrified of what the future holds.

Jackson is very quiet on the ride to school and he has that fiercely determined look on his face that Asher would sometimes get. 

Nothing could keep him from attaining whatever he set his mind to when he looked like that.

“Jackson, are you alright?” I ask carefully. “Do you want to talk about what you found out last night?” He shakes his head, “No thank you, mama. I’m fine.”

“Sweetie, you’d talk to me if you were planning on doing anything, right?” I ask. “Look, mama! A kitty!” he shouts, pointing out his window. 

I don’t know if I’ve just been given some of my own medicine by a 4-year old, or if he was really distracted by a cat – which I didn’t see - but there’s no more time for talking, we’ve arrived at his school.

“Relax, Emmeline. I know he’s a very smart kid, but he’s only 4 and he’s safe and sound at school,” Rosa tries to calm me when I arrive at work. 

“Besides, it took us years and we weren’t able to track down Asher Giordano. There’s no way for Jackson to find him.”

She’s right. Of course she’s right. 

And Jackson is a very smart kid. I’m going to have to sit him down tonight and talk to him openly about everything. Answer all of his questions, no matter how much it hurts to talk about the past.

He has to understand that there is no future where Asher can be a part of our lives. He’s a wanted man who will be arrested soon and there’s no way I’m letting him get anywhere close to Jackson. 

We’ve always been fine on our own and there’s no reason for that to change now.

I feel a bit calmer now that I’ve made up my mind. Tonight I’ll talk to Jackson and tomorrow I’ll come clean to Elias. 

It’s good that I’ve found out what kind of man Asher is. I can finally get closure and move on with my life. I should thank my lucky stars that he never knew about Jackson and now he never will.

I go looking for a new book for Jackson during my lunch break. He loves dinosaurs and it will be good to have a distraction after a heavy and difficult conversation.

I’m waiting in the check-out line when my phone starts ringing. My heart skips a beat when I see Miss Ally flashing across my screen. 

It’s fine. Everything’s fine.

“Hello,” I answer on the second ring. 

“Oh my God, Emmeline. I’m so sorry, but Jackson’s missing. The kids all went outside for recess and he didn’t come back to class after. We’ve looked everywhere, but he’s not on the school premises.”