로그인Erika’s POVThere was a gold sticker on the door of Theo’s isolation room that said DAY ZERO, and he made every nurse who came in touch it for luck. He made Dr. Kirk touch it twice. He’d picked the sticker out himself.Aster was eleven days old when they put her cord blood into her brother. It ran into his line from a small bag that didn’t look like much of anything.I watched from the other side of the glass with Aster asleep against my shoulder, and Victoria and Mom stood on either side of me, holding a hand each. Damien sat on the bed in a paper gown and mask and held Theo’s hand until the bag was empty.“Is she inside me now?” Theo asked.“Some of her,” Damien said.Theo thought about it. “Good,” he said, and went to sleep.For six weeks, he couldn’t leave that room. He had fevers and mouth sores. One terrible night his numbers dipped, and Dr. Kirk didn’t go home. I sat outside the glass with Aster until four in the morning, watching the monitor over his bed, while Damien sat insi
Damien’s POVMy wife was in labor for fourteen hours, and she corrected the midwife for twelve of them.It started at my mother’s table at half past two. By three, Erika was sitting in my passenger seat with her hospital bag on her knees, reading me the checklist she’d taped to the front of it. She’d packed it at thirty-four weeks.“Phone charger. Socks. The good pillow.” She stopped and gripped the door handle until her knuckles went white. “Damien. That light was red.”I didn’t slow down.“I am not having this baby in the back of a police car,” she said through her teeth.At the hospital she asked for the epidural at one in the morning, and then she apologized to the anesthesiologist for getting him out of bed.“Three minutes and forty seconds,” she panted at two, holding her phone up over the bed rail. “Not four. I have an app.”The midwife had freckled forearms and her hair in a bun with two pencils stuck through it. She looked at the phone, and then she looked at me.“She’s usual
Erika’s POVThere were still twelve chairs around Victoria’s dining table, and this time it was Julian who held the one beside Damien’s out for me.It was the good chair, the one with arms, and somebody had already tucked a cushion into the small of its back. I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant. The baby had dropped so low that week that I waddled, and sitting down took planning. Julian held the chair still while Damien held my elbow, and I lowered myself into it an inch at a time.I had on the green wrap dress, which was the only thing I owned that still closed around me. Damien was in a white shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, and he hadn’t let go of my elbow since the car.“Very graceful,” Izzy said from across the table.“Thank you. I’ve been practicing.”Last summer, at this same table, Julian had saved me the seat next to his, and I’d sat beside Damien instead. Today he pushed my chair in for me and squeezed my shoulder before he went around to his seat.He looked better
Damien’s POVMy brother had heard my baby’s heartbeat four weeks before I did.I finally heard it on a Tuesday morning in a dim room on the fourth floor. Erika was lying on a paper-covered table in a hospital gown, and there was a needle in a sealed packet on the tray beside her.The doctor doing the test was a tall woman with a gray buzz cut and her reading glasses pushed up on her head. She’d barely said good morning before Erika started in on her.“The miscarriage risk is somewhere between one in a hundred and one in four hundred,” Erika said. “It depends which study you read. The older ones say one percent, but the newer ones come out lower, and there was a big one from Denmark that—”“Erika,” I said.“—had a much bigger sample. I’m just saying that I know the numbers. You don’t have to soften anything for me.”The doctor looked at me over the top of Erika’s head.“She narrates when she’s nervous,” I said.“I’m not nervous.” Erika grabbed my hand. Her fingers were ice cold. “I’m i
Erika’s POVDamien undressed me with the lamp on, and he never once looked away from my face.He found the zipper at the back of the blue dress and drew it down an inch at a time. When the straps slid off my shoulders, he bent his head and kissed the thin red marks they’d left, first on one side and then on the other.The dress dropped around my ankles. I hadn’t worn a bra under it, and Damien let out a breath that I felt against my collarbone.“You did that on purpose,” he said roughly.“The straps were too thin.” My face was on fire. “I’ve told you that before.”He laughed under his breath and laid me back on the bed.He was slow. He was so slow that I thought I’d lose my mind. He kissed my mouth until I had both fists in his shirt, and then he pulled the shirt over his head and came back down to kiss me again. Every few seconds he stopped and lifted his head, only to look at me.“What?” I whispered, the fourth time he did it.“Nothing. I want to see you.”My breasts were fuller tha
Damien’s POVFor five years I’d carried a hotel receipt for one broken lamp in my wallet, and tonight I was finally going to give it back to the woman who broke it.We left Theo on the sofa in his shark pajamas, with his rabbit under one arm and a grandmother on either side of him.“Seven o’clock,” my mother was saying. “After his bath. Routine matters.”“He had a bath this morning.” Erika’s mother had her arms folded over her cardigan. “Look at him. He’s worn out. He goes down at half past six.”“The bath is part of the routine—”“He’s four, Victoria. His routine is whoever reads him the shark book.”They both looked at Theo.“Grandma does the voices,” Theo said, and he held the shark book out to Erika’s mother.My mother’s hand went to her pearls. “I do voices,” she said. Nobody in the room believed her.Erika kissed his forehead, and I kissed the top of his head. Neither grandmother noticed us go.I’d told her to put on the dark blue dress, the one she’d worn the night she knocked







