Not Yours To Hold

Chapter One- Jane I sat with my back to a hard, plastic airport seat and my knees tucked against my chest. My entire Spanish II class stood around in a semi-circle with giddy laughs and thoughts of an entire week in Andalucía, Spain in the name of learning. As badly as I wanted to be happy, I couldn't think about anything other than Remy Hanes, my boyfriend's best friend, and how he kissed me two weeks before. No matter how many times I told myself that it was a careless act of alcohol and late night delusions, I knew that wasn't true. The two years I'd spent with Lucas Johns made me feel content, safe and desired. Now that safe feeling wasn't enough, because Remy held me a if I was his and every touch of his hand sent me higher than I'd ever been. So high I felt my body quiver from the need to feel grounded again. No matter that I tried to blame it on the alcohol, we both knew it wasn't just that. His rough palms stripped me of any insecurity I wore on my sleeve. His dark eyes pie

Chapter Three-Jane"You look amazing."I twirled in my knee-length blue and white striped skirt, and examined myself in the floor-length mirror in my bedroom.I tucked my white t-shirt into my high waist skirt, and my white opened-toed wedges gave me a few inches that I needed. My braid hung near my ribs, over my shoulder, and my bangs drew attention to my eyes.I looked cute, a little under-weight for my age, but overall good—on the outside at least. The things that ran rampage on the inside were a different story all together.Stephanie, my first cousin, sat on my bed behind me, a supportive smile on her face. She'd been my rock when I came back home after the crash. It was because of her I had

Chapter Five - JaneRain soaked my clothes to the bone. I'd never been one to be afraid of a little water, but this was pure Hell. Not only did the rain leave me with a shiver but the wind left my teeth chattering.Sarah curled into me, what extra clothing we found swallowed her tiny frame. It hurt my soul to do it, but I let Remy wrap his big arm around my waist and hold me close. His warm breath on the back of my neck felt like a little drop of water to the driest desert.I hated hating him. I hated myself for fighting with him because I knew he was right. I took out my frustration on him when really I was mad at this entire situation and myself.Since I couldn't sleep, my mi

Chapter Seven - Jane  Despite my many attempts to tell my mother I felt fine, she called again an hour later."Everything okay?"I sighed, resting my elbow on my knee and bracing my forehead against my palm. "Momma, I'm fine, I swear. I'm going to go to the school today and setup some of my classroom.""That'll be fun. Why don't you ask Stephanie to come, and y'all can go eat afterward?"I wasn't born yesterday, and I knew this was one of her many attempts to get me to eat with a chaperone. "Mom, I want to be alone today. It's my first time in my classroom. I don't want 

Chapter Nine - JaneThunder boomed in the distance, rattling the glass of my windows and leaving me scared on the couch like a kid. I knew after everything we'd been through that being afraid of thunder was irrational, but there I sat, curled in my blanket with my cell phone clutched to my chest.I could always risk going to mom's for the night, but I didn't want to hear her nagging about eating. Truth was I skipped dinner after going to the school, feeling full from the burger at lunch. It'd been more than I ate in a long time.It hurt to say it, but I did feel guilty eating, and it made no sense in my head but I did. Was this how anorexia started? I didn't know.I slid my finger against the unlock button on my touch-screen and pulled up my text. I didn't want to bother anybody, but I didn't want to be alone. Sighing, I tossed my phone onto my couch and went to take a shower.I turned on the faucet in my small bathroom, hurrying to finish and dress in a long t-shirt. I made it to my