Chapter 2

Lila’s pov

I sat alone in a quiet corner of the cafeteria, staring at the other kids chatting and having fun at the other tables as I thought about how it all started. How I had found myself trapped in this place.

It all went back to the day of the Moon Ceremony. Once again, I had dragged myself out in front of the pack, desperately hoping to shift. Ever since I turned thirteen, I had faithfully attended the ritual year after year, and every single time I had hoped I will shift, wolf out and finally feel among the pack, like I belonged but nothing happened. There were moments when I wanted nothing more than to hide away and skip the ceremony entirely, but the raw curiosity of how it feels to belong always pulled me back. I wanted so badly to experience it. I wanted to know what it finally felt like to wolf out.

I had heard everyone talk about it, even the youngest kids in the pack. After their first transformation, they all sat and talked about the experience. It sounded like a lot, a whole new world.

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself, Lila?” Mrs. Yin, the orphanage matron, sighed heavily as she helped me dress for the event.

“You could easily skip this year’s ceremony. Honestly, I don’t think you’re ready yet.” She was clearly trying to discourage me, wanting to shield me from the inevitable disappointment.

“I have to go,” I insisted, standing up straight. “I haven’t shifted yet, so I don't really have a choice. I just want to know what it feels like…so this place can actually feel like home.” I told her looking round.

“I know how it feels…” she tried to comfort me.

“No, you don’t” I cut her short “you think you do but you don’t, seeing others bond with their experience and staying by the corner, treated like you don’t belong because you can’t do what they do..having no friends because no one wants to be friends with a loser…. I can’t give up, I need to keep trying”. I told her a bit of how I felt and I guess she understood my pain.

She looked at me for a moment in silence, took in a deep breath then stepped back, her eyes all over me. “Well, you look really pretty,” she murmured, turning me toward the full length mirror.

I stared at my reflection. I was dressed up like a literal Barbie doll, looking entirely unlike myself in the gown and make up on my face, I hated it.

“These…colours on my face make me look like a rainbow” I touched my face in detest “would have gone with a big short and hoodie….” I pulled the h of my dress.

“Can you stop that?You need to stop dressing like a boy, I don’t know why you keep doing that….maybe a girl style this time might give you some luck” she cuts me short.

Everywhere was silent for a bit.

“Thank goodness you didn’t try to touch my hair,” I joked, breaking the tension. We both let out a small laugh.

“What else could I possibly do to a buzzcut this low?” she teased, gently tapping the side of my head. “Sometimes you really need to remember that you’re a young girl, Lila, and you should start acting like one.”

I looked closer at my reflection. Despite the boyish haircut, the dress did give me a feminine look. Something I wasn’t used to, I loved dressing the way I used to, it made me feel tough.

The moment we stepped outside into the pack grounds, the atmosphere was hot. Every pack to a corner, I looked at my pack, they were already drinking, dancing, and celebrating acting with no care in the world. I turned and saw my peers who turned long ago when we were 13, some 15 but no one of my age was still trying for the first time. Just me.

As we walked past, several heads turned, everyone noticing that I had actually dressed up like a girl for once.

“Not her style…why is she dressed up like a girl” someone teased.

“Maybe she’s tired of acting like a boy” there was another.

“She’s coming out again…” I heard another whisper.

“Why won’t she just give up…” another said.

A nervous tremor shot through my hands, and I began rubbing my palms against the fabric of my dress. My skin felt clammy and anxious, I just wanted to get the initiation over with.

Suddenly, a massive ceremonial drum boomed three times, echoing across the territory. The rowdy hall fell completely silent, everyone left the field and all the unawakened participants were called out to the center of the vast, open field.

The ceiling retraction was fully open, leaving us completely exposed as we waited for the apex of the full moon. When the moonlight finally hit the field, the hall instantly transformed into a chaotic nightmare. The air filled with the sickening sound of snapping bones, visible physical contortions, desperate cries for help, and the high pitched, fragile howls of first time shifters.

I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the moon, to see if anything happens. The pack sat perfectly still in the stands, watching the transformations unfold. Within minutes, a handful of kids had already successfully shifted into their wolf forms. They were barely thirteen or fourteen years old, yet they had all wolfed out. Their loud howls filled the air. Meanwhile, I stood in the very center of the field, untriggered. I was the oldest one there at seventeen, and yet my wolf remained dormant.

“She didn’t shift again,” a voice muttered mockingly from the crowd.

“What a pathetic weakling…” another whispered.

“She should have just stayed hidden in the orphanage. Why come out here just to embarrass herself?” a third voice chimed in.

I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping the tight gesture would block their venomous words from my head. I tried with everything inside me to focus on my internal energy, searching for any spark of a transformation, but there was nothing. Then, a bizarre pressure built behind my temples. I could hear their complains, mockery and murmurs high pitched in my head. It felt as though a thousand different voices were suddenly screaming inside my brain. The volume grew louder and more deafening by the second. I clamped my hands tightly over my ears, desperate to block it out.

“Stop!!” I screamed aloud.

But the mental roaring only grew louder until the pressure became too much for my body to handle. The world spun violently, and I collapsed into total darkness.

The next thing I knew, my eyes opened. I was lying in my familiar bed back at the orphanage. Glancing through the window, I could see the pale light of dawn breaking over the horizon. I could hear low whispers right outside the cracked door.

A moment later, Mrs. Yin walked in.

“Oh, you’re awake…” she murmured. She sat down on the edge of the mattress, but I noticed the distance she kept away from me. She offered a tense, fake smile.

“What happened?” I asked her curiously. She looked at me not saying a word. Her eyes filled with dread when she faked a smile and told me.

“You haven't been well, dear. You collapsed on the field. Do you want to tell me exactly why that happened?” She tilted her head slightly, studying me.

I took a moment to collect my thoughts, trying to find the right words to explain the terrifying feeling. “I don’t really know,” I whispered, holding my throbbing head. “It felt like a thousand voices were screaming all at once inside my skull.”

Mrs. Yin remained silent, her expression unreadable.

“Hmmm…”

That detached hum was the only response she offered before the heavy wooden door swung open. The moment it did, Mrs. Yin scrambled to her feet and dropped into a bow.

My breath caught in my throat. I stared at the doorway, unable to believe the identity of the person currently standing inside my room.