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Chapter 18
I'd like us to establish one thing and one thing only, I'm fucking damaged. Always have been and probably always will be. I tried to change but we all know that change can't happen overnight especially for a fucked up girl like myself. I've been through all kinds of shit, all kinds of shit with all kinds of men.
I've been in prostitution ever since I was only sixteen years old. So when I say I'm fucking damaged, that should already let you in on some of the fucked up shit I've done. I'm talking about sleeping with men triple my age.
I've tried to deal with my issues but every person I've ever been with has never allowed me to deal with it. They all just tell me to hush and that everything will be ok.
I'll let you in on a little secret about men, they love damaged women. Not because they can fix us, but because we end up depending on them and making them our heroes and men love that.
I'm
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It was Saturday night and as promised, Zale had returned from whatever his business was. We didn't talk much, he just told me that he and I were going to have dinner together and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't relieved. I guess I just wanted to break away from the routine my life had become this week.I’m not complaining but it’s been a big change of scenery and running a club wasn’t easy. It was so much simpler running the “red boot guards” as Zale had come to call them. They were only a handful of men and they stuck to my side every hour of the day. Whereas running the club was taking care of all of the many employees which were north of 20 and trying to control the drunk men and women who stumbled around. I was doing my absolute best and I very quickly figured out how to do my job because I wanted to impress Zale and show him that I was capable of doing this.He told me the driver would drop
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Everything about my day had been perfect. I'd gone shopping until my feet hurt and I bought the most beautiful of silk dresses and the sexiest of underwear. I didn’t rob myself of the luxury of designer bags and shoes and as I had promised Zale, I went for a massage. I did my hair and nails and I was feeling refreshed and the best I've felt in a while.But I needed some relief and now that Zale was home, I knew that some way, somehow he'd catch me in my bathroom. I don't know how but I just know that he will and honestly, I don't think I'm ready for him to see me like that. I just got this job and I can't lose it, and this might be what will make him snap and push him over the edge. Strangely, I don’t want to upset him because he was trying so hard to bring light into my world but he had no idea that I was more damaged than I let on.So I stood outside the door of Hadassah's apartment, waiting for her to
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 21
It was hours after, when I finally returned home. Home?The word registered in my head after I had said to myself and it almost made me freeze up in surprise because I’ve never had a place to call home. The words had just come into my mind and the thoughts were like words that echoed from my heart and it was strange to believe that I had only been here a little over a week and I was now calling it home.Before I left Hadassah's place, I made sure I had cleaned up and there would be no trace of anything on my face and anywhere else.I pushed the door of my bedroom open and when I did I found Zale sitting on my bed, with his head in his hands, "Zale..." I called out softly wondering if he was ok.He looked up at me but didn't say a word, he just looked at me, "where have you been?" he
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 22
"Hello, Beauty," a man with a white coat on said to me, "my name's Steve and I'm assigned to you for the next 30 days," he said to me, smiling as though I was supposed to be happy that I'm here. I look his features briefly and he seemed like the typical kind of man you would find working in these types of institutions.The hair on top of his head was grey and thin but neatly combed back to make him seem more professional and neat, his thin framed glasses sat on the bridge of his long nose and his face was mapped out with more than just a few wrinkles. His skin was olive toned and he had a smile on his face that caused the laugh crinkles around his eyes to become more pronounced."I'm not a drug addict," I lied to him, nervously scratching my arm as I looked around his office because I didn’t want him to see the truth in my eyes."The first step to healing, Beauty, is accepting that you hav
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 23
"You have a visitor," the assistant nurse said to me as she opened my door and made motion for me to stand up."Who?" I asked her, wondering who the hell wanted to see me but she didn't answer me. She just started leading me down the hallways until we got to the visiting area, where various other recovering addicts were seated with their families.I rolled my eyes when I saw Zale and turned around, wanting nothing to do with him but the assistant nurse, whose name was Echo, stopped me and forced me to carry on until I got to Zale before she blushed when he looked up at her and thanked her.I frowned at the interaction and then glared at Zale who finally looked away from her and then at me, a smile on his face which slowly slid off when he saw my expression.I didn’t want to see him, not for a very long time. I was mad at him
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 24
In all the time that I have been here I keep to myself. I just sit and stare at the white walls as I try to fight the strong urge to start screaming and looking around for my medicine. I need it, so much. The memories keep coming all at once and I don't know how to deal with it without my medicine. There's no escape from the horrible memories.Drugs were the only way that I have thought of dealing with my trauma because they helped me escape the problem. Unlike Steve who thought that I had to talk about my problems in order to learn to forgive myself and heal, I thought otherwise. If I talked about it, it would only make the shit that I have gone through that much more real. Whereas if I keep them locked away in my mind, it helps to push the thoughts away and makes what I have gone through seem like only a bad dream.Today was the first day I'd stepped out of my room and I couldn't take it. I kept scratching my arms and n
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Fear.I haven't felt that feeling in more than thirty years. What did I, Zale, the American Don have to fear?I had a group of loyal men who were willing to kill and die for me. I had an army of men at my disposal at every edge and corner of the United States of America and dare I say, across the entire world. I was untouchable and no one, not even the president of the Free World could lay a hand on me if I wanted. If it did happen that someone did, like Carter had, their deaths were slow and painful. And their families would also have to suffer from their foolish actions. Carter’s entire bloodline was wiped out and I wouldn’t have it any other way.I feared nothing. Not even death itself because I felt invincible.Until now...I'm so afraid to the point where I'm paralyzed. I'm just sitti
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 26
The misfits, as I like to call them all walked into my hospital room followed by Steve. Each held a concerned look on their face, as though me being here hurt them as much as it hurt me. I felt like I had been run over by an 18 wheeler and I was in a lot of pain. I would move if I could but all I could do was just lay there and look into their eyes with shame and despair. It was embarrassing to be laying here in this bed after what had happened. So I avoided their eyes and shamefully looked at my hands, choosing to stay silent because I couldn’t find the right words to say.I wished I could disappear at this moment and for the earth to swallow me whole. It felt so much more real right now and it was so obvious that I had a problem and I felt ashamed of myself. I felt ashamed of putting up a fight when Steve only tried to help me because if only I had listened I wouldn’t be here.A small part of me wished
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