Chapter 3

Two days later, I returned home alone.

The moment I saw my mom, all the grievances I had been holding back came rushing out, and I burst into tears.

"Mom, I don't want to go to Berunia for college anymore."

The three of us had discussed our college applications together, and almost all of our choices were colleges in Berunia.

It had once been the place I dreamed of going to, the place that constantly motivated me to work toward my goals.

But just like Zac, that place had gradually faded from my heart.

Even so, it was too late. I could no longer change my applications.

Mom hugged me and gently rubbed my back.

"Okay. I will support your decision no matter where you choose to go."

The next morning, Mom left me some breakfast before heading out to her food truck.

I was soaking my hands in disinfectant and scrubbing them hard with a steel wool pad when I heard someone knocking on the door.

It was Zac.

"Why haven't you been answering my calls or replying to my messages? You could've at least told me you were safe."

He sounded angry and helpless, but halfway through his sentence, he glanced at the flowers in his hand. It was as if he suddenly recalled that he had come to apologize.

"I'm sorry. I was wrong. Don't be upset anymore, okay?

"From now on, our trips will just be the two of us. Keira won't come with us again."

I didn't respond. He awkwardly placed the flowers on the cabinet and retrieved a cloth bag.

"Keira spent the entire day making this silver bracelet for you by hand. She was on her period and in so much pain that her lips turned pale. She even hit her fingernail with the hammer and bruised it.

"You can take your anger out on me, but don't take it out on her. She was worried about you. She felt guilty and blamed herself. She even cried until her eyes were swollen."

I closed my dry, aching eyes. I felt the urge to ask him whether he was blind to the truth or simply chose to ignore it.

His apology was perfunctory and insincere, yet whenever it came to Keira, his concern was as genuine as ever.

I recalled one time when I didn't know Keira was on her period and handed her a bottle of ice-cold soda.

The moment I offered it to her, Zac reached out and took it from me. Without saying a word, he turned around, walked into the store, and exchanged it for a room-temperature one.

Keira smiled gratefully. She then continued chatting with me as if nothing had happened.

I rubbed my fingers, which were still numb from the ice-cold soda, and felt a dull ache in my chest.

It was only a minor thing, but I couldn't ask about it or make an issue of it. It felt like the moment I said something, everything would change.

It was just like how Zac had suddenly developed the habit of keeping painkillers in his backpack. He did it even on the day of the college entrance exam.

Keira's periods were irregular, and her period cramps were especially severe, so she had to take painkillers.

I had seen Zac secretly practicing his handwriting with his left hand during evening study sessions because Keira was left-handed.

I saw the same sentence written over and over on a discarded sheet of Keira's scratch paper.

[Sometimes, the order in which people enter your life really does matter.]

-

Those subtle, indescribable moments flashed through my mind one after another.

I looked at Zac's increasingly irritated expression. I took the bracelet, grabbed the flowers, and tossed both into the garbage bin.

I then tied up the garbage bag, handed it to him, and told him to leave.

"Take this downstairs for me. Thanks."

He raised his hand and braced it against the doorframe.

"I already apologized. What else do you want from me? Just tell me. I can't read your mind, and I hate meaningless arguments and silent treatment."

"Oh, right. I forgot."

His words reminded me of something.

"Zac, let's break up. You don't have to guess what I'm thinking, apologize to me, or force yourself to comfort me anymore," I said coldly.

His eyes widened in disbelief, but his voice was barely above a whisper.

"What did you say?"

In our relationship, he was the brilliant, dazzling one, while I had always been the one who lowered my stance and tried to please him. I'd always been the one who invested more emotionally.

Naturally, he assumed that whenever I acted up, I was simply jealous and trying to make him care about me more.

Breaking up was something I could never and should never be the one to bring up.

"Jocelyn! You can't break up with him!"

At that moment, Keira ran up the stairs from the floor below.