I’m Jealous

The lake had been Casey’s idea.

Which, honestly, should have been my first warning.

Whenever Casey said, “I have an idea,” it usually meant there was about a fifty-percent chance it would be fun and a fifty-percent chance someone would end up yelling.

By ten in the morning, half our friend group had taken over the shoreline.

Music was blasting from a speaker sitting on top of a cooler. Someone had brought a volleyball net. Towels were scattered everywhere, bags of chips were being passed around, and Baylen and Keegan were arguing over who had forgotten the sunscreen.

I stood at the edge of the water with my sunglasses pushed onto my head, watching them wrestle over a football.

“You two are literally children!” I yelled.

Keegan looked over his shoulder.

The second he saw me, his entire face changed.

There it was.

That smile.

The one that still made my stomach flip even though I was finally allowed to admit that I liked him.

“There she is,” he called.

I tried not to smile.

I failed.

Keegan jogged toward me, water dripping from his hair and running down his shoulders.

“You’ve been standing over here by yourself for like five minutes.”

“I’ve been watching.”

“You’ve been judging.”

“Also that.”

He laughed and reached for my hand.

I looked down at our fingers as he laced them together.

It still felt strange.

Not bad strange.

Just…

New.

After everything we’d been through, after all the almosts and misunderstandings and moments when I thought maybe we’d never actually get here, Keegan was finally my boyfriend.

My boyfriend.

Sometimes I still had to remind myself.

“Come on,” he said.

“Where?”

“The water.”

I immediately shook my head.

“No.”

His eyebrows lifted.

“No?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s cold.”

“It’s not cold.”

“It is absolutely freezing.”

Keegan grinned.

“You’re scared.”

I stared at him.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“Keegan.”

He started backing toward the water, still holding my hand.

I dug my heels into the sand.

“Don’t you dare.”

“Come on.”

“No.”

“Brees.”

“No.”

He tugged gently.

I stumbled forward.

“Keegan!”

He laughed as he caught me around the waist.

“Put me down!”

“No.”

“Keegan!”

He lifted me just enough to make me squeal.

“Okay! Okay!”

I grabbed his shoulders.

“I’ll go!”

He put me down.

I immediately splashed him.

Water hit him directly in the chest.

He stared at me.

I smiled sweetly.

“You deserved that.”

His eyes narrowed.

“You’re going to regret that.”

I turned around.

“Nope.”

I barely made it three steps.

Keegan caught me from behind.

I screamed as his arms wrapped around my waist.

“KEEGAN!”

He laughed.

“Say you’re sorry.”

“Never.”

“Say it.”

“No.”

He picked me up again.

“Okay! I’m sorry!”

He finally put me down.

I turned around, laughing.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“And you love me,” he said.

The words came out so easily.

So naturally.

But they stopped me for a second.

Keegan seemed to realize what he’d said, too.

I looked up at him.

His expression softened.

“I do,” I said.

His smile returned.

“Good.”

Then he kissed my forehead and ran back toward the water.

I watched him go, smiling like an idiot.

Maybe this was what summer was supposed to feel like.

Easy.

Happy.

Simple.

At least, that’s what I thought.

Until we came back from swimming.

I was sitting on a towel with Casey, trying to work through the knots in my hair, when I saw her.

She was walking toward us from the parking lot.

And she was beautiful.

Like, annoyingly beautiful.

Long blonde hair.

Perfect tan.

Tiny bikini.

The kind of confidence that made it obvious she knew exactly what she looked like.

I glanced toward Keegan.

The girl saw him.

Her face immediately lit up.

“Keegan?”

He turned.

And I watched recognition cross his face.

“Oh.”

The girl smiled.

“I can’t believe it’s actually you.”

She walked straight toward him.

I looked back down at my hair.

Lauren.

That was her name.

I learned it approximately three seconds later.

“Hey, Lauren,” Keegan said.

“It’s been forever.”

“Yeah. It has.”

“You look good.”

Keegan laughed awkwardly.

“Thanks.”

I twisted the end of my hair around my finger.

I didn’t care.

I absolutely did not care.

Why would I care?

Keegan had a past.

Everyone had a past.

That was normal.

Casey glanced at me.

Then at Keegan.

Then back at me.

“Oh, no.”

I frowned.

“What?”

“I know that face.”

“What face?”

“The face you make when you’re pretending you don’t care.”

“I don’t care.”

“Exactly.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Casey.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You’re literally saying everything.”

Across the beach, Lauren was still talking to Keegan.

I tried not to watch.

I really did.

But then she touched his arm.

And something tightened in my chest.

It was stupid.

I knew it was stupid.

Keegan hadn’t done anything.

But jealousy doesn’t exactly wait for permission.

I stood.

“I’m getting a drink.”

Casey looked at me.

“Brees…” she said, in her mom voice.

“I’m fine.”

I walked toward the cooler before she could say anything else.

I opened it and grabbed a bottle of water.

I had barely taken a sip when I heard Keegan behind me.

“You okay?”

I turned.

“Fine.”

His eyebrows lifted.

“That was convincing.”

“I said I’m fine.”

He leaned against the cooler.

“Okay.”

I took another sip.

He kept looking at me.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Keegan.”

“You’re jealous.”

My eyes widened.

“I am not jealous.”

“You are.”

“No.”

“You’ve been glaring at Lauren for the last ten minutes.”

“I have not been glaring.”

“You were glaring so hard I thought you were trying to set her on fire.”

I crossed my arms.

“Maybe I don’t like the way she was touching you.”

His expression softened.

“She was just saying hi.”

“I know.”

“Brees.”

“What?”

He stepped closer.

“I’ve known her since freshman year.”

“Okay.”

“She was just someone I knew.”

“Okay.”

“And I haven’t seen her in forever.”

“I said okay.”

He smiled.

“You’re still jealous.”

I sighed.

“Maybe a little.”

“A little?”

“Don’t push it.”

He laughed softly.

Then his hands settled around my waist.

I let him pull me closer.

“I don’t like feeling jealous,” I admitted.

“You don’t have to.”

“I know I shouldn’t.”

“Brees.”

I looked up at him.

“You don’t have to compete with anybody.”

My throat tightened.

“I’m not trying to.”

“I know.”

He brushed a strand of wet hair away from my face.

“You’re my girlfriend.”

There it was again.

My girlfriend.

I still wasn’t completely used to hearing it.

“And I’m your boyfriend,” he continued. “I’m not looking for somebody else.”

I searched his face.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

I smiled faintly.

“Even when girls who look like that walk up to you?”

He laughed.

“Especially then.”

“Why?”

“Because I get to walk away with you.”

My heart did that stupid little flip again.

Before I could respond, he leaned down and kissed me.

It was soft.

Simple.

But it made every stupid thought I’d been having disappear.

When we pulled apart, he rested his forehead against mine.

“You know what I like about you?”

“What?”

“You don’t pretend you’re not scared.”

I frowned.

“I’m pretty sure I just did.”

“Yeah.”

He smiled.

“But you told me anyway.”

I looked at him.

“I don’t want to be the jealous girlfriend.”

“You’re not.”

“I don’t want to be clingy.”

“You’re not.”

“I don’t want you to think I’m crazy.”

He laughed.

“I already knew you were crazy.”

I shoved his shoulder.

“Keegan!”

He caught my hand.

“I’m serious.”

His voice softened.

“You can tell me when something bothers you.”

I nodded.

“And I’ll tell you when something bothers me.”

“Deal.”

He held out his pinky.

I stared at it.

“Seriously?”

“Deal?”

I laughed and hooked my pinky around his.

“Deal.”

From somewhere behind us, Baylen yelled,

“ARE YOU TWO DONE BEING DISGUSTING?”

I turned around.

“SHUT UP, BAYLEN!”

Everyone laughed.

Keegan pulled me against him.

“Come on.”

“Where we going?”

My eyes searching his face for clues.

“I want to show you something.”

He grabbed my hand and led me toward the dock.

We climbed all the way to the end and sat with our feet dangling above the water.

For a few minutes, neither of us said anything.

The lake stretched out in front of us, sunlight sparkling across the surface.

Keegan bumped his shoulder against mine.

“You know what?”

“What?”

“I think this is my favorite summer.”

I smiled.

“Already?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

He looked at me.

“You.”

I rolled my eyes.

“You’re cheesy.”

“Only with you.”

I leaned my head against his shoulder.

His hand found mine.

Our fingers intertwined.

And for the first time all day, I wasn’t thinking about Lauren.

I wasn’t thinking about other girls.

I wasn’t thinking about what could go wrong.

I was just thinking about him.

About us.

I realized something sitting there.

Being with Keegan didn’t mean I was never going to get jealous.

It didn’t mean I was never going to be scared.

It meant I finally had someone I could tell when I was.

I squeezed his hand.

He squeezed mine back.

And for that moment, everything felt perfect.

We had the lake.

We had summer.

We had each other.

I just didn’t know yet how quickly summer would end.

For now, though, I let myself forget about all of that.

I leaned closer to Keegan.

And smiled.

He kissed me softly under the fading sunlight and I was happy.