Feels Like Home

The next few weeks, after I left for camp, were filled with softball and FaceTime calls to Keegan. When I went back to my dorm for the night, I would shower the dirt from the ball field off of my body and climb into my giant LSU shirt and sweatpants and cuddle up in my bed. Keegan usually called me around 8:30 pm after football practice. He was always so eager to chat and shower me with kind words.

“I miss you so much. I imagine you here every day in my arms,” he would say.

We hadn’t seen each other in person since I left for camp and that kiss we had was our last. We also hadn’t talked about the level of our feelings. I knew I loved him, but I wasn’t sure if he was there yet. Being able to see his face and hear his voice every night made this distance so much more bearable.

When I return home we will spend every moment together that we can. We were smitten with one another. Again, we just hadn’t said it. Those three words, eight letters. I keep trying to say it when we get off of the phone, but the fear of him not reciprocating those three little words back to me made my whole heart ache.

It took us years to finally figure it out, but we were meant to be. I went to visit Keegan as soon as I came home from camp. I dropped my things in my doorway at home and hopped into my Jeep. I drove right to his house and sat in the driveway for a moment. I couldn’t believe this day had finally come. I jumped out of the car, giving his house one more longing look and then I ran to the door. I don’t even think my feet touched the steps. I hopped over them all. I rang the doorbell and eagerly awaited his blue eyes to greet me. It felt like forever, but the double doors finally opened and there he stood. My handsome guy. Blonde curls, blue eyes, tanned skin, red hoodie and perfect smile. The sun hit his face in such a perfect way that he looked almost like he was photoshopped. Did he get more gorgeous? That can’t be possible right?

His smile was as magical as ever, as he opened the door and practically lifted me off of my feet with his hug. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me for a moment. We rocked back and forth before he finally let me breathe again.

“Gosh I missed you Squirt,” he teased, setting me down and stepping back to look at me.

“I missed you too. So much in fact,” I said, stepping inside of the house.

His mom had done some renovations since Mr. Patts was no longer living there. Her whimsical designs were so beautiful. Every little detail made me smile. I looked around for the twins or Ms. Kyren, but the house seemed quieter than usual.

Kee must have noticed my observation because he quickly said, “Oh they are all at the fair in town. You know how the girls love elephant ears.”

I smiled and nodded. He was looking at me so intensely. I kept eye contact with him as he moved closer. It wasn’t awkward like it had been in the past, when I was uncertain of his feelings for me. He reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from my face. I could feel my heart racing as he touched my cheek. His hand lingered there as if he were trying to remember how my face felt on his fingertips.

My breath quickly got caught in my throat as his hand trailed down my shoulder. The softness of his touch made my pulse race. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him. His warm breath was comforting near my face.

“I’m so lucky I get to have you as my girlfriend,” he said holding me closer.

I was taken back, “Your girlfriend?” I asked.

“Is that ok that I call you that?” he asked pulling my chin up so that our eyes met. His eyes were wide and vulnerable.

I nodded and hugged him tightly. This all seemed so unreal to me. Keegan Patts was my boyfriend? I never imagined that would be real.

“Brees,” he started, his voice sounding soft and serious, “I was thinking about how much better my life has been since we have been together. I think about you constantly. About how smart you are, how athletic you are and how much I love you.”

My heart started to flutter wildly. It was such an uncontrollable, yet comforting feeling. Like a caged bird that knew its owner kept it caged out of love and for its own protection. He actually said it! He said that he loves me. I hadn’t imagined this. It was real!

He smiled at me with his eyes fixed on my mouth. His stare drew me in like a moth to a flame. His hand went to my face and he pressed his thumb gently on my bottom lip. He kept it there as if to ask for permission. He traced my lips with his thumb, still pressing ever so gently. My lips parted and my breath began to get heavier. He pulled me towards him by my waist. The world outside of the window disappeared in this moment as he lowered his head and kissed me. This kiss felt different. The passion behind it spoke of love, promises and longing.

“I love you so much Brees,” Keegan sputtered out between panting and kissing.

His hand caressed the back of my neck as he softly kissed me. When we broke apart he rested his forehead on mine. I let out an unintentional giggle.

“I can’t believe this is real Kee. I’ve wanted this for so long and I didn’t think it would ever happen for us,” I admitted.

I looked down from my embarrassment of mentioning that out loud. Keegan cupped my face in his strong, yet nervous hands. He didn’t speak for a moment. He just stared at my face as if to study it for his memory later.

“Brees, I am so sorry for holding my feelings back for the last couple of years. I should not have let anyone or anything keep us apart. I didn’t fight hard enough even though my heart was aching for you to be mine. That is my cross to bear, not yours. Your feelings were so clear from the start and you never waivered. Your feelings for me kept me wanting this. Thank you for not giving up on me,” he said, kissing my forehead slowly and thoughtfully.

“There were times that I truly wanted to give up on you Kee. That I won’t lie about. It was hard to see you with Jada. That broke my heart. I wished that it was me, but I knew I was just Baylen’s little sister to you. I wish you knew how tortured my heart was, Kee,” I said, stepping back from his grip.

He reached for me, but I didn’t let him receive me. We hadn’t talked about any of this really and it seemed that it was time. He needed to know how hurt I was and how he was the reason for my teared-soaked pillows for years.