Prologue

My mother was right when she said that not all things go according to plans. She said they have their own ways of complicating lives. But all things, the easy and the complicated, also have their own ways of serving their purposes, and it shall make everything make sense one day.

I couldn’t quite remember everything about my mother, except for those words. I was still young, but for some reasons, it stayed in my mind.

I waited for that day. I waited for when all the things that happened to me would make sense, because I wanted to know why those happened to me. But it just got me waiting for so long.

Apparently, sometimes, it takes a while.

"Ma’am Daisy’s waiting for you in your office, Miss Aira," Janine, my assistant said. I paid a glance at her and she was smiling so brightly at me that it made me smile too. It was nice having a friendly face here in the shop.

I nodded at Janine and left my unfinished bouquet to her.

Sunday has been the busiest day of the week. The orders are a lot more than the usual, especially now that it's Valentine's day. It was just me and Janine manning the shop since I don’t have any other staff. I don’t even know how we managed to make it half the day.

"Yes? What took you here?" I asked my best friend as I entered my office. She's already sitting on the couch. I saw her enter the shop earlier and gestured she'll be here.

I furrowed upon seeing her weirded face. I haven’t seen her look like this- like she’s constipated or something. She’s not usually like this whenever she visits me here, which got me thinking there’s something wrong.

She stood up from her seat and walked towards me. “Can you take a seat first?” She said, looking sorry and at the same time sad for me. She carefully grabbed my arms and willed me to sit on the sofa she was just sitting on earlier.

“What’s going on?” I asked. She took a few more breaths before looking me in the eyes. I feel like she’s prolonging the agony and it’s making me uneasy as well, so I held her hands and tried to urge her to speak. “Please.”

“I’m going to tell you something important, Ai. So I just wanted you to take a seat so I wouldn’t be responsible for catching you if ever you collapse, you know,” she stated. I would love to laugh if this is just something for fun, but I don’t think this is a good time for that.

I just sat here like what she said. “Now say it,” I commanded. I tried to sound tough and authoritative, even though I’m slowly crumbling inside because of the tense.

She looked at me with those sorry eyes again.

“I think I saw Zandrey,” she mumbled. “I’m sorry, Ai. I know you’re okay and all, and you don’t want him back but-”

“But that’s not how life works,” I cut her. I tried to act cool even if deep inside, I was panicking. “I know this day will come.”

It took six years.

Six long years.

I was already feeling nervous earlier. I had no idea there was something worse than that feeling. Right now I just wanted to vomit and not think for a second.

The past still haunts me. It still hurts me and I’m still mad at him for making me believe he’ll stay. He caused me nothing but pain and trouble. So if ever our paths cross again, I just don’t know what I am capable of doing to him. I might slap him or anything I could possibly do to hurt him but that won’t be enough. That would be nothing compared to what I’ve been through when he left me.

“Do you want me to do something?” asked Daisy. She looks so worried now. “I want to help in any way possible, Ai. I want to do something to make up for my absence when you were hurting. I still feel guilty that I made you feel you were alone,” she added.

“Hey…” I reached for her hand and squeezed it. “It’s fine, Daisy. You have your own life too. You had your own problems to deal with.”

“But I still feel sorry because I know you’re still hurting right now.”

Well, I guess the pain loves sticking with me that it never goes away.

“None of it was your fault, so you shouldn’t be sorry, okay?”

If there’s someone who should be sorry, it’s Zandrey because it was him who gave me this scar that I will carry for a lifetime; and partly me because I let him deceive me.

But now’s not the time to wallow in pain. I have things to prepare for.

“You said you saw him. Are you sure it was really him?” I queried. Because she might have seen someone else- someone who just resembles him or what. I managed to not see him in the past years, so I wonder if it’s really him.

“Yes, I’m sure,” she replied. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to ruin your peace. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, no. It’s okay. I’m glad you told me. At least I was given a warning that I might see him around,” I stated. My nervousness is now multiplying each passing time

“You sure?”

“Yes, Daisy. Don’t worry too much about me.”

“You know what, we should have dinner together. A nice, delicious dinner,” she suggested, trying to cheer me up. I appreciate her for that.

“I’ll just finish a few things here. We still have a lot of bouquet orders. Janine can’t handle all of those alone.”

“Right! It’s Valentine’s day!” She exclaimed. “Let me order two bouquets! One for me and one for you, so we can pretend we’re happy today and we received something,” she added while wiggling her brows. It sounds silly, but it made me smile. Flowers can really make a girl smile.

“Alright,” I responded. I tried to give her a smile. At this moment, I am just trying to bury the idea that I might see him.

-

“What if you see Zandrey, what will you do?” Daisy suddenly asked. We’re on our way to the restaurant to have our dinner. She did not bring her car so I’m the one driving.

I have been thinking about it as well. I was trying to brief myself into doing what could be the most plausible thing to do. But I have come up with nothing.

“Neglect him?” I answered, unsure. I just don’t really know. I might hurt him but I realized I don’t want to waste my strength on him.

“You don’t want to hurt him physically? Slap him? Punch his face? Kick his ass? Choke him to death?” She rambled. It made me chuckle. Sometimes, she can be crazy about things.

“If I only could, I would. I would definitely do all of those. But like what I said, perhaps I will just neglect him? I’m not really sure,” I responded. Maybe I’ll just know when it happens.

“Well, you got a point,” she agreed. “Are you planning on getting married someday?” She continued. For a moment, I thought about it.

Ever since I got hurt because of a guy, I never really got the chance to think about giving marriage a shot. Maybe because I’m scared, or maybe I just have a lot already on my plate. I don’t even know if I have the time to date.

“I don’t know,” I just said. Because I don’t really know. I don’t have any plans when it comes to involving a new man in my life. That’s just too much of a risk now for me.

“You don’t wanna try sex again?” She asked with a grin pasted on her face.

“Oh my God, Daisy!” I hissed and she laughed.

“What? You don’t miss it?” She replied in a teasing tone. “It has been years, Aira. Don’t you miss the feeling of being intimate with someone?”

“And what? Risk my heart again?”

“You know you can do it with someone without involving love, right?”

I scoffed. I don’t really like the idea.

“No, thank you,” I answered. “I’ve got a lot of things to do,” I added, my eyes still fixed on the road. We’re still a few minutes away from the restaurant.

“You always have a lot of things to do.”

“You keep on asking me questions. How about you? Do you have a boyfriend?” It was my turn to question her. It feels like a hot seat when you are the one being interrogated.

Daisy suddenly turned quiet. She tried to divert her eyes on the buildings we passed by. “Something’s up, correct?”

“No,” she quickly responded. Of course, there’s something. I could tell by the way how her facial expression shifted. But I chose not to bug her more. I know she’ll tell me when she feels the need to tell me. “But I’ll have a boyfriend this year," she recited like a mantra.

I shook my head smilingly. But the smile on my face didn't last that long.

“Aren’t you afraid?” I asked. Because I am afraid. With everything that I have experienced, I don’t think I am capable of loving again. I guess for me, once is enough.

“I’m also scared. I guess that’s just the price you have to pay when you choose to love. It’s all about taking risks, and if taking risks means finding who I really deserve, then I’ll do it.”

It got me thinking. She has a point. Maybe when I find someone I’m actually interested in, then that's the time I would be able to take the risk again. I just don’t think it will be anytime soon.

“Anyway, when will I meet- OH FUCK AIRA!”

I closed my eyes firmly after stepping on the brakes. God!

My heart was beating so fast inside my chest. My grip on the steering wheel was almost making my knuckles white. Everything happened so fast. But I know for sure that my speed’s within the limit!

When I opened my eyes, I saw a car. It was just a few feet away from my car. I suddenly felt all the rage in me.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” I shouted. We almost died and I cannot just let this slide.

I stepped out of the car and went straight to the car that almost hit us. I’m not really sure who’s at fault here, but I just really feel so angry right now. I am a responsible driver and I’m always within the speed limit. It just angers me to think that some drivers just don’t know what a speed limit is.

“Hey!” I knocked on the window of that car. It was tinted so I couldn’t see what’s inside. The driver didn’t even roll down the window on my first knock, so I knocked once again.

“Aira, calm down,” I heard Daisy say. She apparently got out of the car to follow me.

“I can’t let this slide,” I told Daisy. I paid my attention back to the window and was about to knock again but the door suddenly opened.

“Oh my god,” Daisy murmured shockingly.

I, too, was surprised.

“Let me just fix this,” the driver said to somebody who’s still inside the car. He then closed the door after fully revealing himself to us.

Our eyes locked and I cannot explain what I feel.

“Aira…” Zandrey called my name, as memories started flashing back in my mind. There was concern and guilt in his eyes, but I refuse to acknowledge those.

I knew I might see him, but I never thought it would be this soon.