LOGINLena sent me the profile link before she hung up.I told myself I would look at it in the morning. Fresh eyes. Clear head. Not at eleven at night sitting on my couch with cold tea and too many thoughts already competing for space.I opened it at eleven fifteen.Sandra's profile is exactly what Lena described. Public. Fully public. Clean, curated, the kind of social media presence that looks effortless because someone spent time making it look effortless.Recent posts first.Work events. A dinner with friends. A photo at what looks like a rooftop bar, three women laughing at something off camera, Sandra in the middle looking like someone who belongs in every room she enters.She is beautiful.Not in a complicated way. Just straightforwardly, objectively beautiful.I scroll.More recent posts. More dinners. A weekend trip somewhere warm. A work celebration.Normal life. Full life.I scroll further.Further.There.The photos started appearing about two years back.Not a single photo. Not
I canceled dinner.Not permanently. Just tonight. I texted Caleb at seven forty five saying something came up at the studio, can we reschedule, I am sorry. He replies in three minutes.Of course. Everything okay?Yes. Just work. Tomorrow?Tomorrow works. Call me later if you want to talk.I put the phone down.Sandra's visit is still sitting in the room with me. Her voice. Her composure. The specific warmth of someone delivering difficult information carefully.He has a pattern.Nothing significant.The unknown number's message underneath it.Sandra is not what she looks like.Two women. One man. Zero clear answers.I called Lena.She picks up on the first ring."How was dinner," she says."I cancelled."A pause. "Why.""Sandra showed up at my studio."Silence.Complete silence."Lena.""I heard you," she says. "I am processing." Another pause. "She showed up at your studio.""Yes.""In person.""In person. Sat down. We talked for twenty minutes.""Maya." Her voice is doing several thi
She sits down like she has been here before.Not literally. She has never been in my studio. But she sits in the chair across from my desk with the ease of someone who makes themselves at home in rooms that do not belong to them. She crosses her legs, sets her bag on the floor beside her, looks around the space with a polite interest that feels slightly performative."Nice studio," she says."Thank you.""Very you somehow. Even though I've never met you." She smiles. "Caleb mentioned you were a designer. He said you had good taste."The mention of Caleb's name sits strangely in the room."How do you know Caleb," I say. Direct. I am not doing the slow approach with this woman. She showed up at my studio unannounced. She has been texting me from an unknown number. Direct is the least she owes me."We were close," she says. "For about a year. A while back." She says it simply, no drama attached. "We stayed in touch on and off after. The way you do with people who meant something.""You t
I woke up Tuesday morning with that sentence still sitting in my head and made a deliberate decision to put it somewhere I cannot see it for a while.I tried meditation first.I have an app. Lena bought me the subscription last Christmas with the specific energy of someone who had been watching me stress eat crackers over a laptop at eleven at night and decided to intervene. I have opened the app four times since December. I used it once. Fell asleep during the breathing exercise and woke up twenty minutes later to a very calm voice asking if I was ready to set my intentions.I was not ready to set my intentions.This morning I opened it again. Lie on my back and pressed playWelcome, the voice says. Today we are going to practice letting go.Perfect, I think. Letting go. That is exactly what I need.Breathe in for four counts, the voice says. Now breathe out and release anything that does not serve you.I breathe out.Sandra is still there.Again, the voice says pleasantly. Release.
CHAPTER 29:He never called backMidnight I told myself I was not waiting for him to call, I lied My phone on the pillow beside me faced up which is not how I sleep. He said he’d call back but he hasn’t.I picked up the phone. Typed.delete.typed againHey. Everything okay? I sentI watched the message, one tick, two ticks, blue tickHe read it but didn’t replyIn the morning, I called, it rang four times then went to voicemail asking me to leave a message. I hanged up without leaving one because what would I say.“I called because you said you’d call back but you didn’t and someone came to your door at eleven at night and something in your voice changed”.I didn’t say any of it, I hanged up, put the phone down then closed my eyes. Told myself it’s nothing then slept off.My phone lights up at seven forty. Caleb, not a call. A text“I’m sorry something came up last night. Can I come over tonight?? I’d explainI read it again “something came up” at eleven on a Tuesday.Something came up
I drove home from Sunday dinner with Sandra's name sitting in my chest like something that has taken up permanent residence.My mother said it.My mother, who has no reason to know that name, who exists in a completely separate part of my life from everything happening with Caleb, said Sandra on the phone in her kitchen and then turned around and offered me cornbread like nothing happened.She was good about it too. That is the thing. The recovery was so smooth, the pivot to warmth so immediate, that if I had blinked at the wrong moment I would have missed the look entirely.But I did not blink.Monday morning,I woke up exhausted, splashed water on my face, then returned to my room and called my mumNot to ask directly. I have learned enough from the last few weeks to know that direct does not always get you further than sideways. My mother deflects direct the way water deflects off glass. Smooth, complete, leaving no trace.So I called her the way I always call her. Just checking in.







