4. Confusion

Al

My mind is telling me to run and I want to run but a part of me refuses because why should I?

Why should I lose the life I have painstakingly built for a whole year with pretense, secret tears and Emon? Why? Because of a man who led me on and finally broke me?

Emon can tell that I am not okay and he's here with and for me as sweet as he always is. He is doing all he can to cheer me up from taking me to lunch, to the movies and even biting me gifts.

“Babes, you don't seem okay. But you know that I am always here whenever and if you need to talk, right?" He says for the umpteenth time as we take the eggs and bacon on toast and coffee that he has made for breakfast and I smile at him.

“I know. Thanks," I say and I can feel that my smile is stiff.

We have been having classes for two days now and I have met Ed once and I made sure not to talk to him.

After breakfast, we leave and as usual, I am dressed to kill and so is Emon. I don't love him but I am fond of him. He's been there for me and for that, I am grateful.

When we started going out, I told him that it would be as friends with benefits and he laughed it off and said, “let's see where it takes us." 

That was the last time we talked about what we were and none of us has ever brought up that topic again.

But now, everything I have built is about to go to shambles because of Ed.

‘Just go get him. Why keep hurting yourself?’ Mark, my wolf, says in my head and I shut him off.

That's a conversation he and I have had several times in the past year. He wants Ed but he knows that we can't have him.

He's also convinced that Ed came all the way to Nevada for us but I am not buying that.

I confessed once to him in his attic when I was sixteen and he laughed it off.

I confessed again when I was eighteen and he asked me to pass my chemistry exam and I did. But what did he do instead? He fucked my brother!

I can't forgive him and neither do I want him.

We get to class and as usual, Emon and I sit at the back and we have all the units together because we have the same course and the second period is Ed's.

“I want to go home," I tell Emon and he looks at me with a worried look.

“Are you sick?" He asks and I shake my head.

How do I tell him that I want to run away from the man who made me come all the way from Atlanta to Carson City?

I can't and before I can make up my mind whether to leave or not, Ed walks in with books in hand and there is a flask in his hand.

“Good morning?" He greets and girls giggle in excitement and the male students sneer.

He's handsome. I have to give him that. He's hot for a man in his forties but doesn't look a day past thirty. He's well built, taller than I am despite the fact that we are both werewolves, and it's only normal that girls fawn over him.

I pity them. What if they knew that he doesn't swing that way?

“Today, we continue with machines and their dynamics. Like we said yesterday, since you are doing mechanical engineering, it's imperative you know how a machine works and what components are there that makes it tick. For example, does a vehicle have any similarities, say, to a refrigerator? Or a computer? Or the earphones you have on? So…” he continues and I am lost in that voice.

I am back to ten years ago when I first saw Ed and Cecil.

I was lost in those emerald eyes and that smile. He was handsome and my heart started fluttering then though I didn't know what it was.

By sixteen, I already knew that I wanted Ed for myself. As a friend and as more. I wanted his touch. I wanted him to do things to me and that was the first time I confessed to him.

But even though it didn't go the way I wanted, I was young and hopeful and had nothing but energy and I poured that energy into making myself a constant in his life and pleasing him.

But it was never enough.

I wasn't as good as my brother.

"Mr Hughes! Mr Hughes?" 

“Al!" Emon shakes me and I wake up from my reverie.

“Mr Hughes, are you okay? Take this, it will help,” Ed is standing next to me and I can smell him.

As usual, he smells like heaven and I am tempted to lean in and take a long needed sniff but I hold myself.

"Take it,” Emon says as he takes the flash from Ed and opens it.

It's an infusion of herbs that I know are beneficial to werewolves and I am tempted to ask him why he cares but I don't.

“If you are sick, you can take a day off. I can help you apply for permission," he says and I shake my head.

‘I am sure he's pretending to be sick so as to gain the professor's sympathy.”

‘He’s a playboy and we all know it.’

‘He took the hottest guy in our year and now he wants the professor too?’

‘Hypocrite!’

Those and more jabs move around the classroom and I can hear them because… I am a werewolf and we have super hearing.

I don't say anything though.

I thank him and give the flask back to him.

“Sorry professor. I am not unwell. I was just thinking… about… errrm…. the gears in a watch and those in a car,” I blurt the first thing that comes to mind and he smiles kindly at me and then walks back to his laptop where he has been projecting his lesson notes.

I think Emon hears them because he puts his arm around me protectively as if marking his territory and kisses my hair and the lesson takes forever to end.

Emon pulls me out and he's carrying all our things and says loudly, “let's grab lunch, babes," so that everyone can hear and I see Ed look towards me but I ignore him.

I can't…

no. I don't want to deal with him… not today.