My Own Thought

My ears ached as the alarm clock pierced through my ear drum.

It was morning already. So quick.

I stretched out my hand, turned it off and muttered a short quiet prayer.

"Good morning, guys. How was your night?" Ivy asked, sitting up.

I don't know if I should call it a tradition but it has always been that way.

Every morning someone asked the others how their night was.

"Perfect." Emile replied with a broad smile.

"And you, Clara." Ivy asked.

I shrugged. "Okay." I mouthed and sat up.

I rose up from the bed and fastened the rope of my night wear.

"Can I make use of the bathroom first?" I asked.

"Hmm." They both replied at the same time.

My legs ached as I made my way into the bathroom.

My heart pounded, the previous day drama kept on replaying in my head.

He found us kissing and told me that he wasn't coming for lecture and practice today.

I sighed. That's all pointing at one thing. He was angry.

I switched on the hand basin controller and rinsed my hand in the cold suiting water.

I took my toothbrush from the little container next to the hand basin and put in some toothpaste.

But why? Why was he angry when we weren't in a relationship?

Why do I feel like every damn thing was my fault?

Why do I feel like James owns me?

I switched off the controller,dropped my brush and pulled off my night wear.

My head ached as I walked into the bathtub.

The cold water ran through my body again.

It was the right temperature of water I needed right now.

I shut my eyes and balanced in the tub, the gushing water enveloped my ears.

I got up after a few minutes, dried myself up and walked out of the bathroom.

"What took you so long?" Ivy asked.

"I...I.." I was trying to find a suitable word to say when Emile interrupted.

"Or were you thinking about that someone." She voiced out.

My heart skipped a beat. Why does it seem like she could read my heart?

"I..I'm fine. Just personal stuff." I murmured and walked to the dressing mirror.

"You could share it with us if you can't find a solution, Clara." Ivy said.

"Remember a problem shared is a problem half solved like our Africans would say." Emile chipped in.

"Yeah, I know but never mind about me. It's all figured out already." I said.

"Alright, if you say so." Ivy said and walked into the bathroom.

I added finishing touches to my outfit and sat on my bed.

Ivy and I were done but we were waiting for Emile.

She does everything extra. She made sure her make up and outfit were as presentable as perfect.

She could spend more than three hours preparing for a party.

Ivy was almost close to her also, extra stuff.

But for me. I don't think it's necessary. Ethan loved me that way. Not until the video leaked.

"Clara, stop staring at my boobs." Emile suddenly bursted out.

I blinked my eye lashes rapidly and slightly chuckled.

I didn't even notice that.

"I beg your pardon, why would she? When she has the most beautiful and perfect shape among us." Ivy mouthed.

My jaw fell open. I don't know why but I don't like it when someone compliments my shape.

"It's fine, aren't you ready, Emile?" I cut in.

"Almost." She said, staring hard at the mirror.

After what felt like forever, she was finally ready.

I slung my hand bag over my shoulders and walked out of the room first.

Ivy and Emile were busy talking about something but my mind wasn't there.

It kept on diverting and that was when I realized it.

Every feeling I was having was merely lust and I had to stop it before it hurt me.

The hallway was filled with students as usual.

I got to class before my two best friends and settled on our usual space.

The class was damn boring even with the presence of Ivy and Emile.

James wasn't in class as he said neither was Ethan.

The class ended really quickly. I packed up my journals and put them into my bag.

"Are you guys going now?" I asked.

"No, we will join you later." Emile said.

"Sure." I murmured and walked out of the lecture hall.

I needed no one to tell me that they were going to their boyfriend's room.

My foot wear hit the floor softly as I hurried to the girls dorm.

Yesterday's night drama continued to replay in my head even after telling myself the truth.

I was walking past the cafe when I heard a familiar voice.

"Wow, so lucky to meet with you today."

I paused and turned my back. My eyes met with the last person on my mind. Samantha.

My jaw tightened. "What do you want?" I plainly asked.

"That isn't the way to talk to your younger sis." She mouthed.

"How do I talk to a sister that's finding every way to make me feel hurt, how!" I screamed out.

"Ooh really are you hurt now, I thought it didn't really cut deep into you the time I met you at home." She said,

"Let me be. I'm in between a lot right now." I mouthed.

"It's not over, big sis." She said,

I blinked. "Why are you doing this Samantha, why?. It's been almost five years and yet you're still doing this." I said, my gaze fixed on her.

A smirk appeared on her cheek. "The same way you felt hurt and annoyed when you saw that video was the same way I felt when you took my man." She said licking her bottom lips

"Do I have to tell you the truth countless times before you could assimilate it? He asked me out because he freaking got tired of you, Samantha. I don't know why you can't leave all this in the past." I said, my face screwing up to a frown.

"Dan never got tired of me, Clara. You seduced him and I would make sure you pay for that." She replied, her hands on my chest.

"I'm tired of criticizing myself, Samantha. To hell with whatever you want to do. I don't fucking care." I replied and threw her hands off.

A smirk appeared on her face. "Of course, you would just have to accept whatever I do because if you were in my shoes you would have done worse." She said with a selfless grin on her face.

I slightly chuckled and moved towards her.

"Fine go on, let's get to see who is the master planner at the game and who eventually surrenders for the other at the end."

I voiced out, stepped back and stormed away.