Intruder Alert

Zoe

I smirked to myself as I slid my sunglasses on my face. Elijah wasn’t slick. I caught him staring me down from his kitchen window. From the looks of it, I surmised he found both of my surprises.

At least he didn’t die, so I can now drink with my homies with a clear conscience.

Hopefully, Elijah learned his lesson. I’ll keep it down on my end from now on, but I was excited to be able to move out of the dorms and get my own place. I just couldn’t help but rage. I’ll continue to throw parties in the future, but not on such a large scale. Maybe I’ll host a couple of kickbacks with a couple of my closest friends.

A few minutes later, I entered the patio of my favorite brunch place with English in tow. As usual, I was the last to arrive and was thrilled my mimosa pitcher was in front of my assigned spot, and the waitress was bringing out my French toast and fruit.

“Well, look who decided to join us,” my friend Brianna drawled.

“You need to come up with some new material, B. You say the same shit every Sunday,” I teased. Brianna’s parents owned the joint, so of course, we were allowed to drink; however, there was a stipulation that we had to pay full price for our drinks and meals in return.

“What’s got you so chipper this morning?” our gay best friend, Samuel, asked.

“What do you mean?” I asked as I scratched behind English’s ears.

“You have this stupid smile on your face as if you ran into your type last night.”

I shivered just thinking about it.

Thankfully, the patio was exclusive to us while we dined, but only because Brianna’s parents knew we could get a little rowdy.

“Naw, nothing like that. I was just excited about moving into the new house, ya know.”

“Yeah, a couple of people were talking about it on social media. Such a shame that the cops shut it down before we could even make it,” Samuel tsked as he rolled his ankle in a circular motion.

“I know, and it happened at the most inconvenient time; however, some good came out of it.”

“Like what?” Brianna skeptically.

“The cop that came and shut me down last night was fucking hot, and he said he would swing by today and check on my “progress” with the cleanup after the party,” I purred.

“Oooo, girl, you gonna let him handcuff you to your bed and drop that dick on you?” Sam asked.

“Was that even a question? Of course I am,” I scoffed.

“What did he look like?” Brianna excitedly asked. “Do you have a picture of him?”

“No, I don’t have a picture of him, but if I had to compare him to anyone, I would say he looked like Scott Eastwood,” I purred.

“Bitch, let me know if he’s down for threesomes,” Brianna begged.

“And let me know if he’s bi and down for foursomes,” Sam threw in.

I rolled my eyes and sipped on my mimosa.

********

We ate and drank while I filled them in on my new neighbor. Samuel thought my prank was funny; however, Brianna fussed that I could have been injured, or Elijah could’ve shot me if he thought I was a burglar. There was no argument there. She was absolutely right about that.

We spent the rest of our time gossiping and planning what we would do next weekend. Of course, there was a party to go to every single night of the week; however, those were typically last-minute and unplanned. We settled on going to the outlet mall to blow some money and decided to leave the afternoon and evening open for last-minute plans. I was fine with that because Lord knows I needed some new swimsuits, and Victoria’s Secret was calling my name. It would be warm enough to start floating by next month, and we were going to South Padre Island for spring break the following month. I needed to go on a diet and get it right, get it tight. I wasn't trying to lose a lot of weight because I loved my figure, but I could lose a little bit of fat around the stomach and tone up my thighs like most women.

We said our goodbyes, and I drove home, a little tipsy, but I made it. I arrived home and snickered at the home security van that sat outside Elijah’s house. He was standing outside on the porch with the installer, and I sent a high-pitched whistle to catch his attention. His head snapped up, and I couldn’t help but wave. Elijah excused himself from the installer and stomped down the stairs towards me. I couldn’t even hide the grin on my face.

“You think that shit you pulled was real cute, don’tcha?” Elijah sneered.

“I have no earthly idea what you are talking about, Eli,” I purred.

“Do NOT call me Eli! Only the people closest to me can call me Eli!” he spat.

“But we’re next-door neighbors, and it’s only a matter of time before we reach that level, so you might as well let me practice now,” I smirked at him. I wanted to laugh in his face so hard right now, but I bit my lip to keep it all together. He was so pressed, and I didn’t know if he was turning red from being turned on or angry. I’m just gonna go with both.

“You could’ve killed me!” Elijah shrilled.

“Again, I don’t know what you’re hinting at.”

“Alright, fine. We’ll keep playing your little games but do know Zoe that payback is a bitch!”

Elijah began to turn away, but I grabbed his arm gently to stop him. I gave him my best doe eyes and pout, and I could see Elijah softening, most likely thinking I was about to apologize...this poor, poor man.

“Look, Eli...we’re twinning,” I smiled as I gestured towards my grey Calvin Klein bralette that matched his grey Calvin Klein boxer briefs he wore last night.

I threw my head back and cackled at the mortified look on Elijah’s face and stumbled back towards my house. I turned around once I reached my front door and found him still gaping at me from the driveway.

“Hey! Make sure you pick a security code that I’ll be able to remember easily! 1-2-3-4 should suffice!”

I almost slid to the floor from my laughter. Elijah stood in my driveway sputtering, probably trying to find the words to curse my entire existence. It took me less than 24 hours to break this man.

Damn...what a shame.

I found a business card attached to my front door and pouted when I noticed it was from Officer Matheson. Apparently, he swung by, and I wasn’t here, but he left his number for me to call him.

Got dammit. Now I have to wait a couple of days to call him, so I don't seem thirsty. Fuck it. I am thirsty. I will call him tomorrow, and hopefully, he’s free.

I only had classes on Tuesday and Thursday, giving me a four-day weekend every week. Life was good.

“Come on, English, let’s finish cleaning the house, and then we’re gonna drink an entire bottle or two of wine. How does that sound, baby?” I cooed. English yipped, confirming his approval of my plans.

Elijah

I had confirmation from the Devil herself that she was in my house and not only that, but she was checking me out as I slept! I was about to put my plan in motion and would be forever indebted to my security installer. He indirectly confirmed that Zoe didn’t have an alarm system set up. He mentioned he had to come back later this week to install a security and camera system for a new homeowner. Zoe was the only new homeowner on the street, so it had to be her. The only reason why they were able to come out immediately was because I only needed the security system at this moment, but I would consider getting the video monitoring system soon.

********

It was 4:00 a.m. when I broke into Zoe’s house. The lock made it difficult for me to climb over her fence.

She should definitely consider getting lights for the backyard so that people like myself won't be able to easily sneak around undetected, cloaked in the darkness of night.

I stealthily entered her home and traveled straight to the fridge to see what food of hers I could fuck up. I grinned as I found a container of apple juice and a glass of vinegar. I poured out most of the apple juice, poured the entire bottle of vinegar into the bottle, and swished it around.

That’s gonna be nice.

I also squirted mayo in her orange juice.

Drink up, bitch. Now for phase two.

I made my way through the house and cursed her for having hardwood floors that would creak under my weight every so often. It took me a couple of minutes just to climb up all the stairs without making much noise.

Zoe was sprawled out on her bed with the sheet and blanket hanging off the bed. Her massive curls were all over the place, almost hiding her dog completely from sight, who was cuddling her bouncy afro. I took a quick glance at the black lace cami tank top and matching lace panties that she wore and secretly prayed she would shift and her breasts would spill out of her top. Finally, I regained my senses and untangled the dog from her hair, who remained asleep. My instincts told me to cuddle him like a baby because that’s exactly what he looked like. He was the exact definition of a fur baby. I left the house and victoriously celebrated Zoe’s defeat as I made it back to my house. I looked at the pup’s name tag and cringed.

Does she not realize that her dog is a French Bulldog and not an English Bulldog? Somebody needs to pray for that child, and it won't be me.