Toxic Neighbors

Elijah

I woke up close to noon as planned, feeling more refreshed than I had in previous weeks. I checked my phone and saw a message from Michael informing me he would be out of town to assist with delivering a foal. Apparently, there were complications, but he would still swing by later to continue our movie marathon if all went well.

I lay in bed for a few more minutes, replaying everything that happened last night between Zoe and me. I could already tell she would be trouble in every sense of the word. She was bold, aggressive, wild, and just plain disrespectful with a smart ass mouth. On top of all of that, she had the nerve to be attractive with her coffee-colored skin, almond-shaped brown eyes, and plump lips. Zoe had the type of lips you never wanted to let go of, and her body was curvy with an ass to grab hold of. I hated myself for staring as Zoe walked away, but damn, it should be a shame to have that much ass. Zoe’s obviously too young for me, and entertaining these carnal thoughts wouldn’t do anything but leave me with a hard dick and aching balls.

I rolled out of bed and made my way towards the bathroom. I closed my eyes and let out a yawn as I stepped into the bathroom. “FUCK!” I yelled once my back hit the tiled floor, and my feet flew in the air. “What the fuck?” I groaned, rolling onto my side, cradling my elbow that I smashed against the porcelain sink on my way down. Thankfully, I didn’t hit my head, or I would’ve been a goner.

The pain in my elbow made my head spin, and I was this close to vomiting. It took me a minute to realize the entire floor was slick with an oily substance. I scooped some up with my finger and smelled it, immediately catching the scent of baby oil.

How did baby oil get on my floor? I don’t even own baby oil. It wasn’t on the floor last night when I went to bed.

I crawled out of the bathroom, fearful of standing up and ending up back on my ass again, and made it to my phone.

“What’s up?” Michael casually asked.

“Hey, did you come to my house last night?”

“Noooo, why?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure. I even have an alibi. What’s up?”

“I woke up this morning and busted my ass. My entire bathroom floor was covered in baby oil.”

“Okay, well then you must’ve dropped the bottle and didn’t screw the cap on or something.”

“No, you don’t get it. I don’t own baby oil.”

“Who did you make enemies with? Because it sounds like someone is pranking you. The good ole baby oil on the floor trick. You alright?”

I clenched my phone with anger, knowing exactly who tried to take me out. Who would’ve thought that another human being would stoop so low, especially when they were in the wrong?

“Yeah, I’m fine. I did make a new enemy last night. You know the house across the street that took forever and a day to sell?”

“Yeah, that house where the old lady fell down the stairs and died?”

“Precisely.” I launched into the story of my run-in with Zoe, only for my brother to die on the other end from laughter. “It’s not funny,” I growled.

“Yes, it is. To be fair, you didn’t have to call her a self-entitled bitch. Especially since she didn’t call you any names to your face.”

“She started it when she shot me the double bird,” I spat back.

“Yeah, and you’re 15 years older than her, so you need to act like it. You could’ve handled the situation better.”

“Are you seriously taking sides with someone who broke into my house and attempted to murder me? I feel so violated. I was only sleeping in my boxers. What if she was watching me sleep?” I frantically asked.

“First of all, I’ve been telling you that you need a security system. Second of all, I’m sure you don’t have anything she wants. She’s too young for you bro, and from the sounds of it, she’s probably chasing after frat guys, or they’re chasing after her, whichever. Maybe you should apologize and make things right.”

“I will not apologize to her. She could’ve killed me.”

“And here we are talking. You sound pretty undead to me. Just steer clear of each other from now on. When you see her, don’t speak. Just chill out today. Take a shower, make some of the avocado toast you love, watch a movie, or do a puzzle or something.”

“Okay, yeah. That’s what I’ll do, but I swear to God if she crosses the line one more time, then I’m calling the cops on her again,” I warned.

“Okay, fair enough. I gotta go.”

Michael quickly hung up the phone, and I gingerly walked to the nearest guest bathroom to take a shower. My back was now fucking killing me, but I should be good to go with some hot water and a couple of Aleve.

Twenty minutes later, I found myself making a quick breakfast of eggs, bacon, and avocado toast in my kitchen. I didn’t bother cleaning the bathroom because that required bending, which wasn’t something I was willing to do considering my current state.

I grabbed my plate and settled at the kitchen island, sampling the bacon first and then taking a hefty bite out of my toast. I began to choke and spat out the toast. My eyes and nose ran, and my mouth felt like an inferno. I drowned myself in my orange juice, which still didn’t quell the raging fire on my tongue and throat. I hurled in the sink and was unable to catch my breath. I stumbled towards my fridge and drank straight from the carton of milk. My eager gulps had milk dribbling from my mouth and down my chin in rivulets, leaving my shirt soaked.

After a few minutes, I was able to gain my bearings and threw the carton of milk in the sink.

What the fuck? I’m pretty sure the grocery store doesn’t sell guacamole that fucking hot, and it didn’t taste like this yesterday.

I observed the package, confirmed that it was mild, and opened the lid to examine it. I brought the container to my face and smelled it.

Wasabi?! That fucking bitch! I planned to be the bigger person and let this go, but fuck that noise. That was two attempts on my life in one day. Zoe Justice, I’m coming for you.

As if I had just summoned a demon from hell, loud music attracted my attention to the kitchen window. I peered through the blinds and saw Zoe and what appeared to be a Frenchie climb into her white Jeep.

Zoe wore dark blue denim overalls, a gray sports bra, and tennis shoes.

Damn her parents for creating this sexy monster.

She recklessly pulled out of her driveway and sang along to the lyrics as she and her dog whipped down the street. I spent the rest of the day and night planning the perfect way to get her back.