You Messed with the Wrong One

{Zoe}

Two days later and there was still no word regarding English. When I wasn’t in class, I spent all my free time looking for my fur baby. I had barely slept, and I think I lost those five pounds I was looking to lose for Spring Break from the lack of eating.

“Maybe we should go to the local shelters again to see if English turned up,” Brianna suggested.

“Yeah, that sounds better than sitting around by the phone waiting for someone to call,” I agreed as I took a swig from the orange juice carton.

Juice instantly spewed across the kitchen from my mouth. “Ewww! What the hell?” I gasped.

“What’s the matter?”

“Oh, God. Is it possible for orange juice to go bad?” I questioned as I searched for the expiration date.

“Let me see that,” Brianna demanded, snatching the carton from me. I watched as Brianna grabbed a glass from the cabinet and poured herself a cup of orange juice. “Um, something is floating around in here, and it’s not pulp.”

“Well, what the hell is it?” I impatiently asked as I poured myself a glass of apple juice to get that awful aftertaste out of my mouth. Brianna leaned forward and sniffed the glass and scrunched up her face in distaste.

I ran to the sink and began gagging from the gulp of apple juice I swallowed. “What the fuck?!” I cursed before throwing up the toast I had that morning for breakfast.

“Are you pregnant?!” Brianna squealed.

“Hell no! And quit yelling in my damn house! Taste this!” I demanded as I shoved the glass towards her. Brianna sipped a little of the drink and made a gagging face. It all began to make sense. Elijah suddenly wanting to be friends and his fake ass sympathy.

“That motherfucker has my dog!”

“Who?”

“My soon-to-be deceased neighbor! Get your shit and meet me in the Jeep!” I growled as I made my way to the garage to grab a few essentials. “You fucked with the right one, Elijah.”

{Elijah}

The Night Before

I watched from the window as Zoe walked up and down the street, calling for poor English. “Your Mommy looks really upset. You think you’ll be ready to go back home tomorrow?” I asked English as I scratched behind his ears. He yipped a tiny bark and rolled over on his back so that I could deliver the belly scratches that he loved. “I guess I’ll bring you back home tomorrow after work and tell her that someone brought you in.”

I felt a little guilty that Zoe had been spending the last couple of days fruitlessly searching for her “lost puppy.” She even came over tonight to see if I had any good news for her. I denied and told her that if anything came up that she would be the first to know.

Present

I made it to the clinic early and allowed English to roam around my office. He quietly sat in the dog bed I purchased him that was situated in the corner of my office. I would truly miss English’s presence and would have to convince Zoe somehow to let me spend time with him.

“Where is Dr. Parker?!” an oh-so-familiar voice yelled.

“Dr. Parker is in his office. Is there something I can assist you with?” my receptionist, Maria, asked.

I scrambled out of my seat, and in my haste to contain Hurricane Zoe, I forgot to hide English as I dashed out of my office. I walked into the lobby and found Zoe staring Maria down. “What business do you have with Dr. Parker?” Maria snapped back.

Maria had always had a little...okay, a huge crush on me; however, the feeling wasn’t mutual. I knew Maria’s sudden standoff with Zoe was due to jealousy. Zoe sprouted a tiny evil smirk, and I knew she was about ruin Maria’s whole week.

“Tell my boyfriend to get his ass out here, or I’ll go and find him myself,” Zoe snarled.

“B-boyfriend?” Maria gasped.

“Oh, look at that...your ears do work,” Zoe sassed.

“Hey, baby. It’s so nice to see you. I wasn’t expecting you,” I cooly interjected as I tried to save Maria from any further embarrassment. Truly, it should have been every man for himself, but it was my duty to protect my subordinates as the captain of the ship.

“Where is he?!” Zoe yelled.

“Baby, keep it down. We can go and talk in my office,” I replied, reaching out to grab Zoe.

“Put your hands on me, and I’ll hurt you in this office!”

“Look, just calm down,” I urged.

“Calm down?! You stole my fucking dog while I slept! Y’all hear that? They steal dogs up in this motherfucker!”

The few pet owners who were already witnessing everything go down now had startled looks on their faces. They surely questioned whether they should stick with their appointment or leave.

“Haha, she’s just kidding. Just a lover’s quarrel. We’ll give you 10% off your services today for the inconvenience.”

The uncomfortable looks quickly morphed into looks of satisfaction and appreciation. I didn’t hesitate to drag Zoe to my office, despite her earlier warning.

“You’re a real fucking piece of shit. You came into my house and stole my dog while I slept, and then came over the same day and offered a fake ass apology, flowers, and pretended to care. I’ve been tirelessly searching for my dog for days, and you had him the whole fucking time! Do you know how distraught I was over losing English?! I thought he was fucking dead! He is the only family I have left after my grandparents died, and you took him from me!”

Zoe was screeching at the top of her lungs, pacing back and forth like a wild animal. I decided to remain quiet so that she could let out all of her frustrations. There was no sense in arguing with a crazy person.

“I’ve been crying, losing sleep, and not eating over my got damn dog, and you probably watched me every day with a smug ass look on your face knowing I was falling apart!” she screamed as she slammed her fist on top of my desk. “I’ll let you know if something comes up, Zoe. I hope you find him, Zoe,” she mocked. “Give me my fucking dog!”

“Stop yelling first, and I’ll give you your dog back.”

“Dr. Parker, you are not in any position to be making demands. So, I’m going to give you until the count of three to hand me my dog.”

“Or what?” I smirked. I gulped when Zoe’s eyebrows rose to the top of her head as she simultaneously tipped her head to the side. “Bet.”

She threw open my door, causing it to loudly crash into the wall. Surely she put a hole in it. A few moments later, Maria frantically ran into my office. Dr. Parker! Y-your car!”

I hopped out of my chair, ran out of my office, and gasped at the sight of Zoe standing on top of the hood of my BMW, busting the fucking windows out with a softball bat. She ventured to the top of the car and proceeded to bust the back windows out, and moved to the passenger windows. My mouth dropped even further when I saw 'micropenis' spray painted into the side of my car. Busting the windows out of my car...okay, maybe I deserved that, and it could be easily fixed, but micropenis? I couldn’t just replace my fucking ego. The pet owners in the lobby and most of my staff who weren’t preoccupied with patients were now huddled outside, taking in the spectacle. I had an overwhelming urge to whip my dick out and prove to everyone that I didn’t have a micropenis, but sadly that was against the law. I would let Zoe finish what she was doing, and then I would drag her back to my office and show her what I can do with my “micropenis.”