Three

Patricia

Flashback- *two weeks ago*

My hair was in a mess, just like my papers were. I had to submit my analysis report by the end of the day, but I couldn’t seem to concentrate. My mind kept going back to what I had done during the weekend. I still didn’t know why and how I had let that happen, but now the damage was done and permanent; irreversible. I had slept with Bryce, a childhood friend who happened to also be a colleague at work. I had been avoiding him ever since I made that mistake, and I wasn’t planning on seeing him any time soon. My application for a leave of absence was being processed, and I would vanish from the office as soon as it was approved.

I knew this wasn’t the way to solve the problem, but that was all I could think of. Was I going to tell Ethan? Could I even?

I run my hands through hair again, pulling tightly on the roots. What would others say if they found out? My parents…God… I was so ashamed and sick of myself.

If only I could turn back time. If only we didn’t go to that party. If only I listened and worked at my parents’ publishing company instead. Then I wouldn’t have met him again, and this situation certainly wouldn’t have been created.

A knock sounded on the door.

“Come in,” I drawled out tiredly, still looking down at my disorganised report. I had to make it perfect if I wanted a positive response on my leave application.

The person walked into the office and then the key turned twice.

My head shot up to see who it was, and panic immediately surged through my veins. I got up hurriedly and took a step back, my chair wheeling back to the wall in the process.

“Unlock the door!” I ordered him.

“Patricia let’s talk-”

“Unlock the damn door!” I repeated, fists balled up, anger burning in my eyes. There was no way I could be in a locked room, alone with him. Not again.

He sighed and then turned to the door. “Fine.”

He turned the key back and took a step towards me. Though my desk was giving enough separation between him and me, I moved back.

“Don’t think of telling me to go out, Patricia, because I won’t.”

“I’ll press the emergency button,” I threatened.

“I disabled it,” he countered, his tone a bit mocking.

“Why are you doing this?” I whispered in devastation. I could already feel wetness in my eyes.

His eyes softened when he noticed my change in demeanour.

“Don’t you think this hurts me too?” he asked tenderly. “You’ve ignored me since that day.”

“I’m a married woman, Bryce,” I spelled out. “I have a daughter. You should understand why I don’t want to see you.”

“I don’t,” he shook his head. “I can’t.”

I scoffed in disbelief and covered my face as tears poured down. Seeing him alone kept reminding me of the kind of person I was for what I had done, and I couldn’t handle the guilt.

I heard him round the table and take a couple of steps towards me, but I was too absorbed to care.

“You don’t have to be like this Patricia.” He tried prying my hands away from my face.

I moved away. “Don’t touch me!”

He sighed. “I don’t understand you, Patricia. Why do you care so much about your marriage, about Ethan, when he doesn’t give the slightest shit about you?”

I shook my head and wiped my tears, refusing to believe the ideas he had been hammering into my head even before my marriage turned sour. “Stop.”

“You know it’s the truth. Do you know who I saw him with when we went for the meeting at the SC Hotel?”

“Bryce…” I pleaded when I began to feel my head spinning. It felt like it was happening all over again.

“No, you must know. I saw Ethan at the restaurant with Valeria. You know it’s not the first time I’ve seen them together. Quite comfortable they are with each other, I might add. Maybe too comfortable.”

The tears resurfaced, since I knew he was telling the truth. I on countless occasions had asked Ethan about his relationship with Valeria and why they met so often since I had started feeling insecure. He always waved it off, countering back at me with the fact that he felt I was too close with Bryce. I had defended myself saying it was a friendship I had had since childhood. Now, I couldn’t help but think he had been right. Still, I didn’t know what was really going on between him and Valeria.

“You know I'm right, Patricia. He doesn’t really talk to you like he used to. When was the last time you went on a date with him? When was the last time…he told you he loves you?”

That did it, and finally broke me. My grip on reality was slipping gradually. Yes, this was it, all over again.

I zoned out.

While Bryce pulled my hands away from my face and drew me closer in his embrace, my mind stopped working in the present and took me to the dreaded shadows of my past.

“Don’t stare at me like that. You know this is all your fault. Your mom fucked herself up because she couldn’t handle you anymore. So now don’t you think I have a right to be the way I am?”

The tears rolled down silently, and I didn’t remove my gaze from him. I wanted to look away, but doing that would only make him nervous, and that wasn’t good for me. My arm still hurt from the time he twisted it, thinking I was telling tales about him to my kindergarten teacher.

He had sat me down for another round of his explanatory talks. It had become a routine ever since I saw my mother on the floor, passed out, empty bottle of pills in her stiff hand. It usually didn’t take long, the talks, and if I was quiet it ended without anyone getting hurt.

So, I sat quietly, hands trembling as I tried not to let my tears be heard. I looked at him, hearing but not sure if I was still listening. From the corner of my eye, I looked at the beer bottle in his hand. It was almost empty. That scared me.

“You know we were fine before you came along,” he slurred. “We were the envy of all our neighbours. Why did you have to come into this world? She wouldn’t have died!!!”

His anger startled me, and my eyes darted away for a fraction of a second, just a fraction I promise. I wish he knew I never thought bad of him. I only felt sad for my five-year-old self.

“HEY! Look here you BITCH!! DIE!!!”

The bottle went flying. I ran.

I pulled back into real time when I felt someone’s lips on mine, forcing me to respond and give in. I struggled to set myself free from his hold, but Bryce had always been the stronger one. He didn’t want to let go.

Without warning, the door flew open, and that was only when he drew back.

Jessica stood in the doorway, eyes wide, jaw dropped.

I closed my eyes, immediately feeling the regret even before I could be embarrassed.

Dammit!

“Jess-”

“I can’t believe this.” Like a flash of lightening, she sped away from my office.

“Jessica, wait!” I pleaded, going after her only to be pulled back by Bryce.

I turned to him, frowning in confusion.

“Don’t go after her-”

I slapped him hard across the face, not being able to control my ire. He winced in pain, but still looked at me. “Patricia.”

“Haven’t you messed up my life enough? What more do you want?”

“Patricia, you're exaggerating. This isn’t bad.”

“It’s a disaster, you bastard! How am I going to face my best friend now?”

“Well, you should have let me leave the door locked,” he shrugged.

I shook my head in disbelief. I never imagined he could become like this. “What the hell, Bryce?”