Four

Patricia

I rushed out of my office and ran down the hallway, ignoring the weird looks people shot in my

direction.

I found Jessica after some time at the normally isolated part of the office building, with her phone

in her hand. I halted, frightened of what she was thinking of doing.

“W-what are you doing, Jess?”

She looked at me with a spiteful expression, one I never dreamed of getting from her. “What do

you think? Telling your husband of course.”

My eyes dipped in confusion, feeling betrayed. The words were stuck in my throat. “Jessica.”

“I’m not going to support you in this, don’t be fooled. I’ll do the right thing, by letting Ethan

know.”

“Why…why are you being like this?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking?”

I shook my head, trying to put her strange behaviour past me and focus on what was important. I

took a step towards her, begging. “Please. Just hold on. I know I made a mistake-”

“A mistake?” she echoed. “You think this is just a mistake,” she chuckled dryly.

“Jessica.”

“Tell me. How long have you been sleeping with him?”

I was beyond shocked at that point. She already didn’t have much faith in me. Why would she

suddenly guess that I had slept with him, from catching me in one kiss?

“You’ve been sleeping with him, haven’t you?” she inquired, anger flaring in her eyes.

I sighed. “It happened once, but just let me explain-”

“You're very selfish, Patricia. Ethan has done nothing but love you. Look at that expensive ring on

your finger. You live in a beautiful house, perfect family. You have a child for Christ’s sake!”

I was hurt. I didn’t know if I deserved to be disappointed, but I was. My own best friend. Someone

I thought could help me go through this. I was surprised.

“I know. I’ve been extremely selfish,” I acknowledged, just to make her stop. “But just allow me

to do one thing right. Let me settle this with my husband, on my own.”

She looked away and exhaled, nodding before slowly turning back. “Fine, but just don’t speak to

me again. I don’t know how to look at you anymore.”

With that she slipped her phone into her pocket and walked away.

I backed up against the wall, tears falling freely. After years of therapy, I thought I could be free,

that I could live like a normal human being, but everything was falling apart. How was I going to

face Ethan? And what the hell was I going to do with Bryce?

Bryce.

He was a cruel calculating manipulator. My own childhood friend. He knew too well…

…how to take advantage of my PTSD.

*Present*

I had always wished for Ethan to come home early occasionally so we could at least have time to

ourselves and be that lovesick couple we used to be. Today, I was nowhere near excited, seeing

him this close to me. My heart was beating rapidly alright, but not because of our proximity.

My knees grew weak, and I had no other option but to look away from his piercing eyes,

anywhere but there. The betrayed look on his face was unbearable to look at. It was almost as if he

knew.

I heard him scoff and I looked further away.

“You’re my wife Patricia, but yet look how scared you are of me.”

Patricia? He called me Patricia.

My eyes met his again in confusion and fear. Did he know?

He took a step back and turned around, burying his hands in his hair.

“Ethan?” I called him cautiously.

He sighed and turned back, his eyes red. “Just tell me the truth, okay. What the hell are you hiding

from me?”

“I'm not hiding any-” I stopped myself before I could complete that sentence. What was I doing?

Lying wasn’t going to save the situation, this was it. The time I was dreading had come and I had

to tell the truth. I just hadn’t envisioned everything playing out this way.

“So you're just going to lie to me, aren’t you?” he whispered, his voiced laced heavily with hurt

and disappointment.

Seeing him like that pierced my heart, and my eyes brimmed with tears. I bit by lip and shook my

head, concentrating more on keeping my tears from falling rather than finding something to say.

“Just fucking say something!” He banged his fist on the desk beside me, startling me. “I want to

hear it from you.”

I shook my head again, refusing to believe it. He already knew. He already knew what I had done.

I lowered my eyes in shame and dropped to my knees in front of him. I was filled with so much

shame that I couldn’t look up at him anymore.

“I'm sorry,” I sobbed out, choking on my own breath as the tears started. “I'm so sorry, Ethan.”

“Get up,” he said.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry,” I repeated.

“I said get up!” His hand came around my arm and he pulled me up and pushed me to the wall,

willing me to look him in the eyes.

“Why are you sorry, huh?” he asked softly as his voice broke. I could tell he was holding back

tears. “You didn’t do anything so why are you sorry? Why are you-”

“Bryce.” I spat out before I worsened everything. “I slept with Bryce.”

“Ha,” he breathed out dryly and pushed himself away from me, walking a few steps away. “No,

no, no…”

“But I-”

“And here I was thinking they were just lies I had heard, but you're saying this…with your own

mouth-”

“It was a mistake-”

“A mistake?” he turned around abruptly. “This is not a mistake Patricia. A mistake is spilling

coffee on your white tablecloth, not jumping into bed with another man!”

“I'm sorry.”

“How long?”

“What?” I asked in genuine confusion.

“How long have you been sleeping with him?”

“It happened once.”

He nodded but didn’t say anything else. He kept pacing the room, running his hand through his

hair.

“Ethan,” I stepped forward, wiping the tears from my face.

“Don’t…don’t come any closer.” He held his hand out, emphasising his point. “I don’t want to be

around you right now.”

He turned away from me and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?”

He stopped and turned his head slightly. “What? You think I'm going to destroy your boyfriend’s

pretty face? Calm your heart. I think my husbandly duties are finished.”

“Ethan I'm not in love with him,” I tried to assure him, whispering out as loud as possible.

“Well that helps a lot,” he said sarcastically and then left.

I sank to the floor once again, feeling everything in me tear apart. I buried my face in my hands

and just let the tears out. Guilt was something I had dealt with my whole life, as at a certain point

in my life I had actually believed I killed my birth mother, but the fact that it was familiar didn’t

mean it was easy to handle. In fact, it only got worse as time passed.

Though I felt uneasy about him leaving just like that, I was calmed knowing he wasn’t going to

Bryce. I wouldn’t be able to take it if he hurt himself because of me.

It was in times like this that my biological father’s words came to haunt me. I was nothing but a curse. I had simply been a burden to my loved ones all my life because of my mental health. I had

hurt Ethan, and there was nothing I could do to change that fact. As if that wasn’t enough, I was

also going to destroy my own daughter’s life with this incoming divorce.

My life surely was of no purpose.

I looked out the window wondering if my dead parents would be laughing at me from wherever

they were. Would my loved ones have had a better life, if I had just died back then?