his guilt

Lauren’s P.O.V. (Continued)

“Joyce.” I called her in a soft and hoarse voice, as I was still feeling some pain in my throat, to stop her from lashing out.

I looked at Gabriel as if I were looking at a stranger, not someone with whom I spent three years of my life.

When he was in the wheelchair, I was glued by his side all the time. I washed him, clothed him, helped him in physiotherapies, and cooked late night snacks when he complained about being hungry, and yet he was still a stranger to me.

“I am not here to argue, Lauren. I…. I am just worried for you. How are you feeling now?” he asked me worriedly, ignoring Joyce and her outburst.

“Still alive.” I replied sarcastically, and his anger surfaced.

He always had these anger issues. I thought that he was like that because of the accident, but later I found out that it was just me who endured his anger all the time.

He can be soft-hearted and can speak gently and in a loving tone, but not to me.

“I want a civilized conversation with you, Lauren.” He spoke while gritting his teeth.

“Give me two more days, Gabriel. What day is today?” I asked him tiredly, too tired to argue with him.

“It’s Thursday.” Joyce replied to me hurriedly. I groaned internally. I took a deep breath while looking at Gabriel expressionlessly.

“Meet me at the civil affairs bureau on Monday, and we will file for divorce. If you are in a hurry, I can authorize Joyce to take care of the divorce on my behalf. My physical condition will support her authority.” I provided a solution to him. I knew that he was in a hurry to marry his first love.

“I don’t come here to discuss our divorce, Lauren. I am really worried about you.” He replied angrily.

My heart skipped a beat when I sensed a hint of worry in his voice.

“I admitted th…. That I appeared ungrateful to you now because I also felt the same way. I….. I found the bank cards that my mother and I gave you three years ago. You didn’t spend a cent from them. You…. You brought so many herbs and medicines to cure me without using any money from us.” He paused and took a deep breath.

I couldn’t deny that I was shocked that he realized that I wasn’t doing everything for him for money.

“You are not short of money. I apologize for saying all those things to you, thinking of you as a gold-digger. I am really ashamed of myself, Lauren. Please believe me.” The desperation was evident in his voice.

I looked at Joyce, who was also dumbfounded by his confession. I looked back at Gabriel again with the same stunned expression.

One thing that I know about Gabriel very well is that he never sugar-coated or faked facts. He had always been blunt and honest in his statements.

That was why I fell for him in the first place.

He is handsome; there is no doubt about that, but honesty and sincerity are things that are rare to find these days.

“I still want this divorce, Lauren, because I know th…. That I won’t be able to reciprocate your love when I already have someone in my heart. In the past two days, I learned so much about you that I couldn’t muster the courage to come here and face you. The bet you made with my mother, the treatment plan, your efforts and determination to learn new things to make me better, your tolerance towards my tantrums, and yes, if I didn’t have Celia in my heart, I would have fallen for you long ago. You are a perfect life partner, Lauren. You deserve someone devoted to you, not with a divided heart.”

He stopped speaking after confessing everything, his eyes still lowered, and remorse really evident on his face.

I didn’t know how to react to his blunt honesty.

He laid down everything that included both of us. The silence stretched in the room.

Even bigmouth Joyce was silent.

“I will come back later.” Gabriel spoke, breaking the silence. Before I could utter a word, he dashed out of the room, leaving both me and Joyce stunned.

“Wh… what was that?” Joyce asked me in a low voice, shock still evident in her voice.

“I don’t know.” I replied but felt a heavy weight on my chest.

I deserve someone devoted to me……

It reminded me of a saying that I heard from my mother once.

“A woman should marry the man who loves her, not the one whom she loves. It will always give her an upper hand in the relationship.”

A bitter smile crept on my lips.

At that time, I didn’t understand why it matters…

Having an upper hand in a relationship.

Now I understand….

Gabriel had the upper hand in our relationship because I was in love with him.

“Are you okay?” Joyce asked me worriedly. I blinked, letting the tears fall.

I was still heartbroken. Where did I fall short with Celia? Clearly, she left Gabriel when he was at his worst.

Even if I had some motive before approaching him, I never pitied him for being crippled. Even when he behaved hostile and cold towards me, I was still determined to make him stand again.

Yet he chose Celia again. She is now a cripple and wanted Gabriel to be with her, and he agreed.

Just because he couldn’t let her go away from his heart all these years, he forgot that she left him in the same situation she is in right now.

He forgot that he is married now, and what he did is called cheating on your partner.

Even if he now looked at me in a new light and felt ashamed of what he did and said to me, I couldn’t forgive him.

This would be the last time that I am crying over the spilled milk.

“He is right, Lauren. A man with a divided heart can never give you the love and care that you deserve.” She whispered in a very low voice.

“I know, Joyce, and I understood his perspective very well. I can’t force him to reciprocate my feelings because it will not end well.” I replied to her and sniffed harder.

She wiped the tears from my cheeks and cupped my face.

“I wish that you get a man devoted to you very soon so that you can make Gabriel see that you are happier than him.” She spoke sincerely, resolution evident in her gaze as if she would find that man by herself.

I smiled while sniffing and just nodded in agreement.

My phone rang, making Joyce look at the side stand, I guess.

“God!! It’s Caellum.” She groaned worriedly, but my heart skipped a beat.

She moved away from me and picked up the phone from the side stand.

“Put the phone on speaker.” I asked her while closing my eyes. My injuries were still hurting me a lot.

“I have applied for your transfer to our hospital here, Lauren. It’s time for you to come back.” Caellum spoke to me coldly after the call connected.

“Brother.” I called him in a choked voice. There was no sound from his side which only made me whimper in pain and heartbreak.

“Why are you crying, huh? I am still alive.” He scolded me, but worried for me at the same time.

At the same time, someone knocked on the door, making me open my eyes again.

“Is this the right time to meet you, Ms. Shaw?” A heavy and calm voice came from the outside of the room.