Chapter 1: Things Are Never Going To Be The Same

VOLUME ONE: PLAYING BY THE RULES

"Come on, come on," Payton chanted to herself, looking for her homework in her bag. She'd known it was due today, at least she'd remembered after she sat down for class to start. She remembered putting it in the folder, and she could have sworn she put it in... "Yes!" she exclaimed as she gripped it in her backpack.

What's happening to me?! Payton thought as she sat in her 3:00 writing class. She rubbed her forehead, trying to ease the throbbing pressure that was building. Things had always seemed to come so easy, but now for the first time in three years, things weren't so easy. Payton pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes tight. "If only I could make my head stop hurting... just for one freakin' second," she thought.

 "Payton?"

Payton snapped out of her internal musings, "Huh? What?"

Some of the people around the table snickered, and she swore she heard someone call her a spaz. Just what she needed. More dumb blonde comments.

"I was wondering if you'd share a few of your ideas for your creative essay," Professor Freeman said.

She looked down and was thankful the class hadn't moved on. Her notes were on top, and she was able to mumble off a couple, appeasing him enough for him to move on. She sighed in relief and pulled out another piece of paper to take notes. After getting a couple more students' ideas, he moved to talking about all the requirements for the papers, which Payton made sure to take detailed notes on before he dismissed the class for the day.

Gathering her things, she said goodbye to the students sitting at the table with her and got ready to walk out the door. She fumbled through her bag to find an email she'd printed out the night before. "Oh, hell." She mumbled under her breath when she realized the paper she was searching for was still sitting on her printer in her dorm room. "Figures."

Opening the door to the lecture hall, the cool air hit her, and she felt the goose bumps rise on her bare arms. Her hands started to shake. "You're not at the hospital," she told herself. Before the panic could set in, she put one foot in front of the other and made her way back to Professor Freeman's office. She tapped on the door and entered when he motioned for her to come in.

"Hey Professor, can I get into the computer lab for a moment?"

"Sure, have an idea that can't wait?"

"No, I need to look something up on the computer. I forgot my printout in my room." The truth was, her next class had moved to a new location, and even though she'd been told about it for a week now, she still couldn't remember where she needed to go. It was a wonder she even remembered that much considering how distracted she'd been all day. It just wasn't a good day.

"Payton, why don't you come in for a moment?" It didn't take long for him to continue after she took a seat, "I know things haven't been easy for you recently, but I'm wondering if there's anything else going on. You seem really off."

"Because you're supposed to act normal when your mom's in a coma," she thought. She knew she had to keep it together, though. Taking a deep breath, she looked up, "Sorry, I should've been keeping better track of everything. I'm just..." She tried to figure out a way to finish the statement, but the words just wouldn't come.

"I'm just concerned because you aren't really acting like yourself in class these days. You even missed our appointment the other day."

Payton stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights. "I did? Oh, shoot. I did. I completely forgot about that. You see, I didn't write it down and... and..." Her lip started to quiver as she fought back the tears.

"That's what I'm talking about. I've had you in class for three years now, and you've never dropped the ball. I know this is just the first time, but I mentioned it to one of your other professors and they said they'd noticed the same things. I'm really worried about you."

"It's just hard right now. I'll be fine. I just need some time."

"I'd like for you to go talk with the Dean of Students."

Payton flinched, worried that she'd really gotten into trouble. She wasn't sure how one slip up had caused her to end up in the dean's office in only a few short weeks.

"Sorry, that came out wrong. I just think that it'd be good for you to visit with her. She's a good listener, and she has some resources that might be able to help. I'm sure she knows people around that could help with your memory issues, or put you in touch with someone who does."

Tired of fighting the tears, she let them fall down her cheeks, not even bothering to wipe them away. She started to shake her head, "I can't do that. I don't really know what to do or say."

"I insist. In fact, I'm going to call her now and make sure she knows you're on your way. I just want you to get better. I know it'd be better if you deal with this now. You don't want to put it off."

Professor Freeman gave her a sympathetic look while he grabbed the tissue box on the edge of his desk and handed it to her. He picked up the phone and called Dean Barnett's desk. He explained the situation and told her Payton would be there shortly. When he was finished with the call he looked over at her, "Would you like for me to walk over with you? I'm free for a bit."

"No, thanks. I'll be fine on my own."

He stood to show her out and put his hand on her shoulder as she was leaving. "You're never on your own, Payton. There are so many of us here that care about you. We're all here for you."

"Thanks."

Payton had loved campus life at the small, private college in Winfield, Kansas. She noticed the shade of the trees on the sidewalk as she tried to walk briskly across campus. It wasn't that large, and it wouldn't take her long to get from one side to the other. That's what she loved most about the school; it was why she'd decided in the end to travel up from Texas and study here. She was a person and not a number, and on a day like today, when all she wanted to do was blend in and get through, it bit her in the butt.

A horn blared, pulling her out of her thoughts and startling her. She hadn't even realized she was at the curb. She jumped back from the curb and put her hand over her heart. "Ohmygawd." She clenched her fist, trying to calm her nerves and to keep them from shaking for a second time that day. Earlier she'd gotten a call from her grandpa letting her know about her mom's condition. Everyone had told her how lucky she was that the car hadn't hit them on the passenger side of the car. No one ever acknowledged the fact that because of this, her mother had now been unresponsive and in a coma for the past month and a half.

As she thought about it, the guilt clawed its way up and made itself known again. Payton rubbed her chest over her heart, trying to ease some of the pain. It never seemed to help. She had tried to get out of coming back to school. She was just starting her junior year so everything could easily transfer to a school closer to home. She felt like she needed to be there for her grandma and grandpa. It was her fault they were taking care of their daughter in the hospital. She should be the one to put her life on hold, not them. When she'd brought it up, though, Gramps and Grams reminded her, actually hammered it into her head, that her mom would want her to go back. If she didn't come back, she'd lose her full ride scholarship, and with all the medical bills piling up, they didn't really have the money to spend on her schooling.

Her legs carried her up the three flights of stairs in the old dormitory where the dean's office was located. She reached for the handle telling herself, "Deep breath." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and pushed the door open.

Dean Barnett appeared as she walked through and smiled at her, "Ms. Whitmore, please come in."

*

Josh let out a frustrated groan as his appointment time with the dean seemed to be pushed back. There was no way to sugar coat it. His day was downright shitty. He'd woken up that morning feeling well rested and like nothing could stop him. That was until he looked at the alarm clock and noticed he'd overslept and totally missed his 8:00 class. His roommate, Darin, didn't bother to wake him up before he left even though he knew he had a quiz he'd been studying for. He popped out of bed, showered and headed to class. He was late, despite the fact that he'd taken the world's fastest shower and nearly sprinted the whole way to class. When he arrived, he realized the assignment and book he needed were still on his desk in his room.

Josh grabbed his phone and touched the home button a little too hard. The screen lit up, and he checked the time. It figured that with the way his day had been going, he'd be late for this stupid meeting with the dean as well. He didn't even want to be there. He'd tried to get her to give him the information over the phone, but she wouldn't go for it.

"Nice try, Mr. Portwood," She'd chuckled, "you'll have to come in just like everyone else. It's part of being a Resident Advisor."

He used to love the job, but after today, he thought that maybe it wasn't worth it anymore, and he should just turn in his key. A free room wasn't worth this headache. Okay, so he knew he was overreacting, but he was seriously frustrated.

Glancing down at his phone again, he thought, "Who the hell does she think she is?" Finally, after another forty-five minutes, the door opened, and they both appeared in the doorway.

"I'm so sorry about everything Payton. Give that number a call. I really think he can help."

She blushed as she looked away, "Thanks, I'll give him a call." When she made eye contact, she cringed, "Sorry for keeping you."

He had been ready to give her one of those looks that if they could, they'd kill, but after taking a look at her, he forgot about that. He was lost there, taking her in, studying her. Her big green eyes looked red, like she'd been crying. Next he noticed her short blond hair and wondered if she was a typical blonde. He hated girls like that. Suddenly she sniffed loudly, and he felt like a giant douche for being so upset in the first place. "Must be a shitty day for everyone," he thought. Something about her drew him in, and he just couldn't shake it. She held his gaze for a split second before she looked down and made her way out the door.

He was still looking in the direction she went when Dean Barnett broke him out of his musing, "Sorry about that Josh. Thanks for waiting."