Why do you do this to yourself?

Dr. Neill starts the car in the parking bay of his practice, his eyes are bloodshot as he holds back his tears. The last thing he wants to do now is going back to his empty apartment. Ashe drives down the main road; he decides to stop at a bar. It’s a tiny bar in the city center, one of many bars down Long street, the party hub of Cape Town, but he’s not here to party, he’s here to forget.  Dr. Neill walks in and sits at the bar. He signals the barman “Can I have a double rum and coke please.” The barman brings over his drink and sets it in front of him, he takes the glass and pours the liquid down his throat in one motion. “can I have another.” David orders another drink and another, as the night progress. David struggles to keep his thoughts in line as the Rum and coke courses through his body and he becomes visibly intoxicated. The barman notices David’s drunken state “Sorry sir I’m gonna have to cut you off. “Whatever, I’m leaving anyway.”

David takes his phone out and dials, the phone rings on the other side. A phone illuminates a dark room. A female arm reaches out from beneath a heap of bed sheets. “Hi, David” “ Vivienne is that you?” David speaks with slurring speech. “Hey Viv, how are you doing?” “I'm ok David are you ok?” where you calling from.” “I just made a pitstop on my way home from work real quick.” “What time did you finish work? It's 12am” “I finished about 6” “ David why do you do this to yourself every year? You’re a psychiatrist for God’s sake, you have to know this is not healthy.” “ Viv, if he had died, if we at least had a body to bury, this would have been easier for me, but he is still out there somewhere, wondering why are we not coming for him. I know he’s still alive I can feel it.” “It's been 8 years David, we have to make peace with the fact that we may never know what happened that day, I know it’s the anniversary of John's disappearance and I miss him too every day. I don’t think this is what he would want from you.” I know Viv and I’m sorry for waking you like this, have a lovely evening and I understand why our marriage ended, I just want you to know that  I'm not bitter or upset about that, we dealt with what happened in our own ways  and you are doing well for yourself.”  “David?” “Yeah?”  Should I call you a cab?” “ No I’m fine don’t you worry about me.” “Are you sure?” “Yes I’m fine” There is movement next to Vivienne, a man puts his arm around her and kisses her on the neck. “Who are you talking to, is that David?” She looks at him and nods her head. David hears his voice in the background. “is that Frank? Hey Frank you look after my wife you hear me.” Vivienne immediately corrects.” I haven’t been your wife for the last 2 years David and you be careful tonight, you hear me? Good night” Vivienne hangs up the phone and sighs deeply.

Frank looks at her “That time of the year again?” Vivienne looks at him with a forced smile “Yip”  A baby cry comes from a speaker on the dresser opposite the bed, Frank sees that she is a bit stressed and volunteers “Don’t worry about it, I’m on it.”

David puts his phone back in his pocket, then decides his night is over. He’s had quite a bit to drink and his legs are not behaving. He stumbles out of the bar towards his car, barely making it before his car’s bonnet breaks his fall. He clumsily opens the door and places himself in the front seat.  As he starts the engine of the car he psychs himself up for the ride. “Come on you can do this, you live a few minutes away just drive slow.” David squints his eyes as he makes his way down the road. Driving at 30km per hour, the road moves under his car as he gets onto the freeway. At this time of the night, there is barely any traffic on the road. “ I’m doing ok just keep the car on the road.” David doesn’t realize his car is swaying from one side of the road to the other.

“I’m almost home” Suddenly he hears a siren behind him and sees blue flashing lights in his rearview mirror, he panics “ Oh shit!” and slams his foot on the accelerator at that high speed he is unable to make the corner and smashes into a traffic light. The force of the collision shatters his door windows and slams his head into the deploying airbag, knocking him unconscious.

David opens his eyes and sees blurry figures standing over him. It takes a minute for his eyesight to adjust. “Where am I?” as his vision improves he realizes he is in a hospital bed and a nurse is tending to the cut on his head. “You were in a car accident Dr. Neill, don’t you remember?” “Oh yes I remember, was anyone else hurt?” “Not just you, you are quite lucky, you have only minor injuries.”

A policeman walks into the room. “Dr. Neill, I am Officer Morris, I don’t know if you remember but you were quite drunk last night.” “I don’t remember much about last night officer.” “Unfortunately I am placing you under arrest and you are ordered to appear in court upon your recuperation in 3 days' time.”

“Silence in the court!” a Judge slams her gavel to silence the talking people within her courtroom. “Dr. Neill, you have been accused of driving under the influence and reckless endangerment. This is also not the first time you have been charged with drunk driving, therefore a simple fine does not seem to be doing the trick with you. I see that you are a psychiatrist, is that correct?” “That is correct your honor.” I am sentencing you to 500 hours of community service of which you will be serving at a local police station; I am also suspending your driver's license until your sentence is complete.” “ David looks at the judge with a shocked look on his face, you’re taking my driver's license? How am I supposed to get around?” “That is your problem Dr. Niell, Next case please, you are free to go Dr. Neill.” “But your honor” “ Would you like me to add some jail time to that sentence?”