Forbidden 03

Kinaumagan nagising ako sa ingay ng sasakyan sa labas. Napabalikwas ako, tumingin sa kama. Wala si Scott, siguro ay nasa labas na siya.

Agad naman na akong nag-ayos ng sarili at sumunod sa baba. Pagkababa ko, naririnig ko na ang mga ingay animo'y mga gamit na inilalapag.

I took a deep breath and walked downstairs, pilit na ngumititi ng normal. Scott was already there, greeting Scythe and Logan with a hug.

"Welcome, welcome!" he said, wala talaga siyang ka-alam alam sa pagkatao ni Logan.  "Make yourselves at home!"

Scythe grinned, looking genuinely happy to be here. Habang si Logan, agad na dumapo ang tingin niya sa'kin. Ngumiti, sweetly. Kagaya lang ng mga ngiti niya noon nung kami pa— no. Hindi pwede. Iba na ngayon.

"It's so good to be back," rinig kong saad ni Scythe, well she was in US for 6 months at nitong nakaraan lang binigla niya kami na ikakasal na siya, kaya hindi man lang kami nakadalo— I think Logan rushed it.

"This place hasn't changed a bit." dugtong niya pa.

"Well, it still your home Scythe, you're always welcome here," Scott said, bumaling kay Logan. "Ikaw din, Logan. You're a family now."

Naunang maglakad si Scott, sumunod naman si Scythe. Hinintay ko muna silang lumagpas bago ako sumunod, siya namang pagsabay ni Logan sa paglalakad ko.

"So this is where you live," mahinang saad niya, his voice is low and husky. "Malayo nga sa apartment natin dati."

Tinignan ko siya ng malagkit, binabalaan sa pamamagitan ng tingin kaya ngumisi lang siya at lumagpas din sa'kin. Sumabay siya sa lakad ni Scythe at hinawakan ng marahan ang beywang nito. Animo'y puno ng pag-iingat.

Just like how he did it to me before.

My breath caught in my throat. Parang tinusok ng milyong milyong itak ang puso ko. Masakit pa rin.

Sandaling bumaling si Scott sa'kin, kumunot ang noo niya ng makita ang mukha ko. "Love, are you okay? You seem a bit pale," he said.

"I'm fine," I replied, forcing a smile.

...

Gabi na.

Scott and Scythe decided to watch a movie in the living room. I excused myself, saying I had a headache. Gusto ko lang talagang umiwas lalo pa't nando'n din si Logan. Sana lang talaga ay hindi napapansin ng magkapid ang palaging pagsulyap niya sa 'kin simula pa ng dumating sila.

"Are you sure you're okay, Ara?" Scythe asked, her eyes filled with concern.

God! Ano bang ginagawa ni Logan? Why is he acting like he want me back pero kasal siya sa kapatid ng asawa ko.

"Yes, I just need some rest," I replied, ngumiti ng pilit.

As I walked down the hallway, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around, and there was Logan. "Fck!" usal ko sa pagkabigla. Napahawak pa sa dibdib ko saka humugot ng malalim na paghinga.

Mabuti nalang ay nakalayo na kami sa living room.

"Where are you going?" he asked, his voice low and seductive.

Inirapan ko siya saka sinagot "To bed."

He stepped closer, kaya agad akong umatras.

"Don't be afraid of me, Arabelle. I just want to talk." mahinahong saad niya pero inirapan ko lang siya ulit.

"I don't want to talk to you, Logan," matapang kong sagot.

He ignored me, his eyes fixed on mine. "Just admit it, Arabelle. Admit that you still want me, and I'll make all of this go away."

Napatitig ako sa kan'ya. Nagtataka sa mga sinabi niya. What was he planning? What did he mean by "make all of this go away?"

Before I could ask, he leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Just say the word, and I'll leave Scythe. I'll leave everything for you."

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. Was he serious? Would he really give up everything for me?

And Scythe? Ano ba talagang nararamdaman niya kay Scythe? Masasaktan niya to ng husto.

I wanted to say yes, to tell him that I still loved him, that I wanted to be with him. But I couldn't. I was married to Scott. And he is with Scythe. Ayaw kong saktan si Scythe.

"I can't, Logan," bulong ko. "I'm married."

He stepped back, his eyes filled with anger and disappointment. "So, that's it? You're just going to throw away what we had for some empty promise?"

"It's not empty, Logan. I love Scott," I said, my voice shaking.

Tumawa siya, mahina. Pero kahit gano'n ramdam ko ang sarcasm sa tono niya. "Love? You don't know what love is, Arabelle. You just know how to use people."

Parang tinusok ako sa sinabi niya. I used? Oo! I used Scott, ginamit ko si Scott para maligtas si Nanay. Iniwan ko siya, I sacrificed him. Alam kong sobrang sakit nu'n sa kan'ya. Pero sa 'kin din. He doesn't know the pain I endured the moment na pinagpalit ko siya. Sa mga segundong naglalakad ako sa altar na hindi siya ang naghihintay, parang pinaparusahan ang dibdib ko.

I don't want this life either.

"I'm sorry, Logan," I said, my voice breaking. "I never meant to hurt you." mahinang saad ko. Tumalikod na.

"C-can I ask for a favor?" mahinang bulong ko, sakto lang pars marinig niya.

Kahit hindi siya sumagot ay nagsalita na ako, "Can you just love Scythe the way you used to love me before..." saad ko. Garalgal ang boses ko dahil sa sakit ng mga salitang binitawan ko. But I have to do this.

Rinig ko ang paglapit niya hanggang sa naramdaman ko ang mainit hininga niya sa tainga ko, "No... I'll love her more than how I used to love you before..."

"If that's what you want... I'll make you regret... " mahinang saad niya bago ko naramdaman ang unti-unti niyang pag-alis.

Fuck! Why is it so hard? Bakit ang sakit?