CHAPTER 1

UNEXPECTED NEWS

Selena 

Positive. 

I'm pregnant. 

And my ex-boyfriend's father is responsible. 

Even as I stare at the thick double lines of the pregnancy strip, I can't believe it. 

This is such a mess. 

If I thought my life was fucked before, it just took an even worse turn. 

Probably four weeks pregnant if I recount the encounter that caused this. 

Gosh, Selena how could you be so foolish? 

He's your ex's father for crying out loud! 

But berating myself seems pretty late now. I press my shaking fingers over my stomach, and inhale a harsh breathe. 

A life is growing inside of me. 

My child. 

Mine and his. 

God, I've always—I've always wanted a child, a family. My own people.

But not like this. 

Not with this man. 

This is the one man I shouldn't have a child with—the one man I shouldn't even have touched. 

Why did this have to happen? 

The sound of my phone ringing jostles me so much that I drop the pregnancy strip in my hands. It clatters to the floor, and I stare at it, still in a daze. 

The ringing ends, and starts again before I reach for my phone. 

I stare at my hands, and see that they're still trembling, so I grab the phone with both hands. 

I can do this. 

It's just a phone call, I'm going to be a mother soon anyway. That line of thought doesn't help, and I end up dropping the phone on the floor. 

After spending an embarrassing amount of time trying pick up my phone, I press answer and hold the device to my ears. 

"H—Hello?" 

A chirpy voice meets mine from the other end, while I struggle to take lungful gulps of air. "Hi, Sel! It's me. What took you so long?" Kate speaks from the other end. 

For a minute, I don't say anything back, and it's like her words finally make this feel all the more real. 

Somehow, I hoped this was just a bad dream, and I'll wake up anytime now, and realize that reality is nothing like this. 

Hearing my best friend's voice doesn't help that delusion. My chest constricts painfully, until it feels like I'm gasping for breathe. 

I can't breathe. 

Am I really having a panic attack right now? 

"Sel? Selena? Are you there? Gosh, did she drop the phone?" Kate's voice sounds so far away, like I distant fog I can't reach no matter how hard I try. 

"The call's still on. Why aren't you speaking Sel? Girl, you're beginning to worry me. Hello?" Panic seeps into her voice, but I'm still mute. 

It's not like I don't want to say something, I'm just so overwhelmed I don't know where to start from. 

I close my eyes, squeezing the phone in my hand, as I struggle to pull myself back to reality. 

I'm pregnant. 

This is real. 

It's not a farce. 

That's my best friend's voice on the other end. I should probably tell her she's going to be an aunt. 

Where will the baby even stay? 

Definitely not in the room I share with Kate? 

But...

Oh my God! 

Will I have to tell him too? 

I can't—I can't do this. 

"I can hear you breathing from the other end. Are you alright Sel? You're scaring me." 

"I'm pregnant." I don't know how I manage to throw those exact words out, but I do. 

And for a while, everywhere is silent. Even Kate has stopped fretting from the other line. This is good, right? 

At least she knows now. I'm not alone. I'm not. 

Except I am. This isn't some college project. This is a baby. Another life growing inside of me. For a man I should never have had anything to do with. 

"What—what do you mean you're pregnant?" A weak laugh escapes her before she continues. "How is that even possible, Sel? This is a really odd joke." 

I groan in annoyance. "Kate, I'm serious. I'm looking at the test strip right now." My eyes dart to the strip on the floor. 

Uncannily, it's facing upward, so I can still see the lines as clear as day from here. "It's positive." I gulp unevenly. "I'm having a baby." 

There's more silence, and this time it gets uncomfortably eerie. 

In all the years I've known Kate, I don't think she's ever been silent this long. My best friend is always chattering about something—always the one in a constant lively mood. 

Hell, four weeks ago, her mood had infected me so much, I ended up in this situation. Except, I can't really blame her for sleeping with my ex's father, can I? 

I run my hands through my relatively short hair, suddenly feeling an ache in my skin. 

Another dry laugh from Kate. "Well, I thought you needed a man for that, Sel? Or am I missing something?" She seems to have forgotten about that night. 

Honestly, it would be pretty unremarkable if I didn't do what I did that night. 

"Do you remember the night after my breakup with James?" I ask carefully. 

She's silent for a while, before she gasps. "No way!" 

Good, she finally remembers. 

"I thought it would be just a one night thing you know? I was sad, and drunk. I thought I needed the comfort. I wasn't supposed to even remember if after that night."

I'm rambling. 

Some of it might be a lie, but she doesn't need to know that. 

I've thought about that night ever since that day. It's hard to forget something like that—his eyes, the way he looked at me. The way he made me feel. 

Ugh, I hate this. 

And now, I have this to think about now. Is this some kind of punishment for what I did? Do I really deserve this? 

"Well, what are you going to do?" Kate's voice reaches me again, pulling me from my inner musing. 

I bite my lip. "I don't know, I could—" I'm cut off by the door bell this time, and I frown. 

Who could that be? 

"A moment. Someone's at the door." I rush at Kate, already moving towards the door. I'm not exactly expecting anyone. 

"Hey! Come back. You can't run away from giving me an answer. Sel!" I place my phone down, when I hear Kate yelling. 

Of course, I'm running away. What should I tell her? 

But that line of thought dies, when I pull open the door, and meet a face, I haven't seen in 4 weeks. The one face, I don't expect to see, yet need to see. 

"Ethan?"