Reborn To Rise

Lana

As I climbed the stairs that lead to my apartment, my legs were all sore and aching badly. I don't know if it's old age or the stress from my 9-5 jobs but I don't think it's from old age, I'm just 32 I can't be that old. 

Ten years ago I was so ecstatic to get married not knowing it would be the same thing that would make me lose my spark and forget who I used to be. I'm now looking older than my age, face tattered, body looking so lean more like I can be blown away by the wind, the holes in my neck were enough to draw attention everywhere I go, and yet I cover up every time putting on a smile that is bigger than the world while I die slowly.

Everyday after my 9-5 jobs I hurry to the grocery store to buy the things I'll use and cook for my husband. The other day a group of high school students were laughing at my hair which looked so unkempt. I almost hid away in shame and for the past few days I haven't visited that particular store again.

It's not because I don't earn enough money, but because everyday my husband takes away every penny that I make from work and still expect me to put food on his table which I gladly do without complaints, he's my husband the only person I have in this world, my family are gone, I'm now alone so my present family is almost I have. 

I was about to to insert my key when I realized the door was open, so I stepped into the house but the first thing my eyes met was the bra and pant that was littered on the floor, my husband belt and trouser, his shirt which was thrown against the old sofa and a lady's purse, but instead I was not surprised, this has been my everyday life for the past 10 years.

Back then I was just 22 when I met my husband, he was the kindest and sweetest person I know, it was after my mother passed away, so we dated for three months and when he introduced me to his family they were all against our marriage because their son is a graduate and I am nothing, I didn't even finish high school, so they felt their son is degrading himself to settle for an orphan and a lowborn like me.

My husband’s family is not rich, but they are not poor either, my husband is their only child so they cherished him so much, after so much pleading from my husband and I they finally accepted our marriage, which they still use to shade me everyday till this day, saying I'm the reason why their son turn out the way he is, that my bad luck destroyed their son's life, and at a point I even start to believe it's true, maybe it is. 

Few months into our marriage my husband changed, I don't know what happened but he changed, and became a total different person far from the once sweet man I use to know, he make me abort every pregnancy I got for him and he began to bring women into our home, 

The first time he did it I confronted him and ended up in the hospital, I did it few more times and it was the same case and Everytime I woke up I have to be the one to pay for my hospital bills and come back home to him, it happened the first two years and when I complained to his parents they said I can always leave if I want to do their son can marry someone better. 

But where can I go ? I have no one, no money because every penny I make from work he takes them away from me, and forces me to provide every necessity needed at home just so he can make sure I have nothing left for myself.

Everyday he reminds me that I'm a bad luck, nobody would want me, and even if I want to remarry that I'm too old and no man would even be willing to take me in, and he's right I now look like a shadow of a ghost, almost a mirror of a mad woman, and that's why I'm here, back in this misery that can only accept this shadow.

I dropped everything I bought on the table, and walked into our room, as I pushed the door open, Magnus my husband was on top of another woman pounding on her, he sensed my presence and pause, as the both of them glanced at me, 

“Come on” He said to her, kissing her and going back to what he was doing like I'm not some human, I quietly carried the clothes I'll change into and left the room, I walked into the tiny room we are using as a parking store as I began to change,

Every time I remind myself that what Magnus is doing is nothing new and should never affect me but each time I walked in on him having sex with another woman on our matrimonial I can't help but cry so much missing my parents cause maybe just maybe if they were here today, I wouldn't be going through so much.

I wiped my tears and proceeded to the kitchen, 

“Ouch…..” The pain from my legs knocked me to the side as I held onto the wall, massaging my leg while I try to numb the pain, I'm so tired, mentally tired, day by day I'm shrinking deeper and deeper, I can't even feel myself anymore, looking in the mirror these days disgust me, I hate the person I see when I glanced there, I hated whom I've become.

I still managed to get on my feet and walked into the kitchen as I began to prepare for dinner. I'm over exhausted so I'll just make something quick. I settled for scrambled eggs and toasted bread, maybe tomorrow I'll cook something better.

It didn't take long before I finished making dinner and I went ahead to serve it at the dining table, after which I sat down to wait for my husband to come downstairs. I decided to lay my head on the table and rest for some time while I waited for him to come down.

I was far deep into sleep when I felt something hot poured on me, I sprang up immediately and saw Magnus looking so scary and angry, and the lady he was with earlier sitting on the other side of the table, 

“Is this what you made for dinner?!” 

“I'm asking you Lana, is this what you make for me to eat? How can you disgrace me like this, can't you see I have a guest, huh?” 

“But…..is something wrong with the food” my voice lowered and calm, 

“What…..” he began advancing closer, eyes filled with fury, I stood rooted to the spot, I had nowhere to run to and if I dared run out of the house he's going to lock me outside till the next day even though I'm the one that covers the rent.

“Taaaaaaa……” A loud slap landed on my cheeks, but it didn't even hurt, instead I grabbed his hand, ready to ask for forgiveness but he suddenly pushed me, and I staggered backwards, falling against the chair as I fell down, with the chair falling on top of my legs 

“Ahhhhh……” I yelled in pain

“How can you be so lazy and useless at the same time!” He screamed sweeping off all the plate in the table as they fell and broke in pieces, I watched the food I struggled to cook been thrown away like it's nothing, my heart squeezed, it felt like I was the one been smashed to pieces, like i do not matter, 

“I expected you to fill these table with dishes of different kinds, but this shit is what you made, I curse the day I got married to you, I should have listened to my parents, you're nothing but a bad luck, I hate you Lana, I fucking do, now where's your purse” he grabbed another chair ready to smash it on me, 

“There…..” I pointed in fear 

“Useless wife” he threw the chair close to me but I was quick to dodge it, he grabbed my purse and pour out everything in it, picking all the money I made for the day, 

“Look at you, at your age this is what you earned, just $20, are you that hopeless, one day I'm going to finally discard you” he threw the purse at me and walked to the lady, he held her hand so lovingly 

“Make a nice meal tomorrow I'm coming by” The lady pointed warning fingers at me

“You heard her” Magnus glared as they finally left the house, 

My tears flow on their own, I couldn't cry, I couldn't scream, I was just there, staring into space, and hugging my knees, 

I need to look for another job, if Magnus gets tired of me, then…..then….

Then where will I go?