Chapter 1

Lana

As I climbed the stairs leading to my apartment, my legs were sore and aching badly. I don't know if it's old age or the stress from my 9-to-5 job, but I don't think it's old age. I'm just 32; I can't be that old.

Ten years ago, I was so ecstatic to get married, not knowing it would be the very thing that would make me lose my spark and forget who I used to be. I'm now looking older than my age, my face worn, my body so lean that I look like I could be blown away by the wind. The hollows in my neck were enough to draw attention everywhere I went, and yet I covered them up every day, putting on a smile bigger than the world while I slowly died inside.

Every day after work, I hurried to the grocery store to buy the things I needed to cook for my husband. The other day, a group of high school students laughed at my unkempt hair. I almost hid away in shame, and for the past few days, I haven't gone back to that particular store.

It's not because I don't earn enough money, but because every day my husband takes every penny I make and still expects me to put food on his table, which I gladly do without complaint. He's my husband, the only person I have left in this world. My family is gone. I'm all alone, so my present family is all I have.

I was about to insert my key when I realized the door was already open. I stepped inside, and the first thing my eyes met was a bra and panties littered across the floor, my husband's belt and trousers, his shirt thrown over the old sofa, and a woman's purse. I wasn't surprised. This had been my everyday life for the past ten years.

Back then, I was just 22 when I met my husband. He was the kindest and sweetest person I knew. It was shortly after my mother passed away. We dated for three months, and when he introduced me to his family, they were all against our marriage because their son was a graduate while I was nothing. I hadn't even finished high school. They felt their son was degrading himself by settling for an orphan and a lowborn like me.

My husband's family wasn't rich, but they weren't poor either. He was their only child, so they cherished him deeply. After so much pleading from both of us, they finally accepted our marriage, though they still use every opportunity to belittle me. They say I'm the reason their son turned out the way he did, that my bad luck ruined his life. At one point, I even started believing it. Maybe it was true.

A few months into our marriage, my husband changed. I don't know what happened, but he became a completely different person, far from the sweet man I used to know. He forced me to abort every pregnancy I conceived for him, and he began bringing women into our home.

The first time he did it, I confronted him and ended up in the hospital. I confronted him a few more times, and each time the outcome was the same. Whenever I woke up, I had to pay my own hospital bills before returning home to him. It happened throughout the first two years of our marriage, and when I complained to his parents, they said I could always leave if I wanted so their son could marry someone better.

But where could I go? I had no one and no money because every penny I earned was taken from me. He still forced me to provide everything needed at home just to make sure I had nothing left for myself.

Every day, he reminded me that I was bad luck, that nobody would want me, and that even if I wanted to remarry, I was too old and no man would be willing to take me in. And he was right. I now looked like the shadow of a ghost, almost like a mad woman. That's why I was still here, trapped in this misery that could only accept someone like me.

I dropped everything I bought on the table and walked into our room. As I pushed the door open, Magnus, my husband, was on top of another woman. He sensed my presence and paused as they both looked at me.

“Come on,” he said to her before kissing her and continuing as though I wasn't even there. Quietly, I picked up the clothes I was going to change into and left the room. I walked into the tiny room we used as a storage room and began changing.

Every time I reminded myself that what Magnus was doing was nothing new and shouldn't affect me, but each time I walked in on him with another woman in our matrimonial bed, I couldn't help but cry. I missed my parents because maybe... just maybe... if they were still here, I wouldn't be going through all this.

I wiped my tears and walked to the kitchen.

“Ouch...”

The pain in my legs forced me against the wall. I held onto it, massaging my leg as I tried to numb the pain. I was so tired... mentally exhausted. Day by day, I was fading away. I couldn't even recognize myself anymore. Looking into the mirror disgusted me. I hated the person staring back at me.

I still managed to get back on my feet and walked into the kitchen to prepare dinner. I was exhausted, so I decided to make something quick. I settled on scrambled eggs and toasted bread. Maybe tomorrow I'd cook something better.

It didn't take long before dinner was ready. I served it on the dining table before sitting down to wait for my husband. Resting my head on the table, I decided to close my eyes for a while.

I had fallen into a deep sleep when I suddenly felt something hot being poured on me. I sprang to my feet and saw Magnus looking furious, while the woman he had been with earlier sat on the other side of the table.

“Is this what you made for dinner?!

“I'm asking you, Lana! Is this what you expect me to eat? How can you disgrace me like this? Can't you see I have a guest, huh?”

“But... is something wrong with the food?” I asked in a low, calm voice.

“What...”

He advanced toward me, his eyes filled with fury. I stood rooted to the spot. I had nowhere to run, and if I dared leave the house, he'd lock me outside until the next day, even though I was the one paying the rent.

“Taaaa...!”

A loud slap landed across my cheek, but it didn't even hurt. Instead, I grabbed his hand, ready to beg for forgiveness, but he suddenly shoved me. I staggered backward and crashed into a chair before falling to the floor, the chair landing on my legs.

“Ahhhhh!” I cried out in pain.

“How can you be so lazy and useless at the same time?!” he screamed, sweeping all the plates off the table. They crashed to the floor and shattered into pieces. I watched the food I had struggled to cook being thrown away like it was nothing. My heart clenched. It felt as though I was the one being shattered into pieces, like I didn't matter.

“I expected you to fill this table with different kinds of dishes, but this shit is what you made? I curse the day I married you. I should have listened to my parents. You're nothing but bad luck. I hate you, Lana. I fucking do. Now, where's your purse?”

He grabbed another chair, ready to smash it over me.

“There...” I pointed in fear.

“Useless wife.”

He threw the chair toward me, but I quickly dodged it. Then he grabbed my purse and emptied everything onto the floor, taking all the money I had earned that day.

“Look at you. At your age, this is all you earned? Just twenty dollars? Are you that hopeless? One day, I'm finally going to discard you.”

He threw the purse at me before walking over to the woman. He held her hand lovingly.

“Make a nice meal tomorrow. I'm coming by.”

The woman pointed a warning finger at me.

“You heard her,” Magnus glared before they finally left the house.

My tears flowed on their own. I couldn't cry. I couldn't scream. I just sat there, staring into space and hugging my knees.

I need to look for another job.

If Magnus gets tired of me, then...

Then where will I go?