Chapter 4 - Readjust

“I’m glad Jay convinced you to stay.” Kane says sitting on the sofa Jay just vacated.

“He was pretty insistent I stay longer.” I say looking at him, feeling a bit weird. I’ve thought about this moment so many times. I’ve spent hours imagining what it would be like to meet him after all these years. But nothing could’ve prepared me for what I’m feeling right now.

It feels like I’m the same girl that fell in love with him so many years ago. A decade ago to be exactly, I have the same feelings I would get when he was around. I feel so much excitement, joy, curiosity and intrigue. The only difference is there is a new feeling that plagues me; incompetence.

He feels and looks different. He carries himself different; he has this air about him that makes me feel like I don’t belong. I’m struggling with that feeling because Kane is the only person I felt understood me.

“I asked him to keep you here.” He says smiling guiltily.

“So that’s why he bolted out of here when you walked in,” I say nodding in understanding. It’s good to know early on where people’s loyalties lie.

“Don’t be mad at him,” he says looking at me cautiously.

“No, I get it. It’s good to see you too.” I say and he breathes deeply his body relaxing.

“I can’t believe you’re here. I didn’t know where to start, looking for you I mean.” He says smiling at me sweetly.

“You couldn’t find me on social media?” I ask and he nods.

“You’re nowhere, and I looked.” He says looking at me curiously. “Are you running from someone?” he asks playfully.

“I am on social media, just not as me,” I say and he gives me a side eye.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asks sitting back on the sofa getting comfortable.

“I have professional profiles,” I say and he looks at me even more confused. “I’m a virtual assistant, so I have for work,” I say and he nods.

“So what you’re saying is I wasn’t going to find you.” He says looking at me seriously.

“I guess,” I say laughing.

“Thank god for Jay.” He says after a moment of silence.

“Yeah,” I say not sure I’m grateful for bringing us back together. I’m feeling all sorts of confused and out of sorts right now.

“Did you know he and I were friends?” He asks smiling at me.

“Nope,” I say and that makes him laugh softly.

“What are the odds?” He says looking at me like he’s seeing me for the first time.

“Miracles happen,” I say and that makes him smile.

“How have you been?” He asks as if remembering his manners.

“I’ve been surviving, how have you been?” I ask relaxing a little bit.

“I’m adjusting.” He says looking at me thoughtfully. “It’s strange being back.” He says after a long pause.

“You miss Cuba?” I ask remembering how change has always been tough for him. Even when we were young, he struggled with new things. And this is a huge change.

“I miss it so much, your country is different.” He says making me smile; I love how he’s separating himself from the rest of us.

“Yeah, it’s not for the weak,” I say playfully and he makes a face at me. “It can’t all be bad; you have Mathew, your son, and friends,” I say and he shrugs.

“Yeah and I appreciate them all but it feels like I got left behind. It’s like my life was paused when I left and now that I’m back everyone has moved on.” He says looking in the distance.

“I hear you, it must be a huge change,” I say understanding where he’s coming from. When he left his son was a baby, and his cousin didn’t even have a college degree. And now he’s back and everyone is all grown up.

“It really is, look at you.” He says gesturing to my body.

“What about me?” I ask self-consciously even more.

“When I left you didn’t have all of this.” He says making an hourglass motion with his hands.

“Are you failing at finding a PC way to say I’m not skinny?” I ask laughing.

“You’re a woman now.” He says and I roll my eyes at him.

“You’re still saying it wrong,” I say laughing.

“I meant it as a compliment.” He says smiling at me.

“It's okay don’t worry about it.” I say laughing.

“You look really good.” He says looking at me and laughing. “I should’ve started with that huh?” He asks when his brain starts working again.

“Yep,” I say and he smiles shyly. “You’re fine,” I say and he smiles looking at me like he wants to say something but he doesn’t know how to.

He opens his mouth to say something and then closes it,

“What?’ I say after watching him struggle with his thoughts for a minute.

“Are you married? In a committed relationship, what?” He asks looking at me with so much focus; I can feel my face warm up. I always find it hard to talk about relationships with exes. I wish I had a man on my arm everywhere I go so they don’t have to ask this very question.

But I don’t. And I hate that I’m this amount of single that I don’t have a fake plus one to take to dinner parties.

“I’m single,” I say and he looks at me in shock.

“I find that hard to believe.” He says the very thing everyone says when I tell them my relationship status. Like what the hell? Is it wrong to be single?

I mean I don’t like it but why judge me?

“Why?” I say looking at him sideways.

“I don’t know… You’re great so I don’t see why you’re still single.” He says smiling.

“Is there something wrong with being single?” I ask curious to hear what he has to say. Maybe there is something wrong and I’m not getting it.

“Not at all.” He says pausing for a moment. “I guess I thought you’d be married.” He says and I recoil in my seat, a little taken aback by his comment. “Shit, I’m saying all this wrong. I don’t mean…” he says looking at me embarrassed.

“Kane, don’t worry. I know you don’t mean anything by it.” I say smiling so I can put him out of his misery. He looks like he wants the ground to swallow him. He looks at me not completely convinced.

“Truly I didn’t mean it that way.” He says and I nod.

“Speaking of marriage, are you tying the knot with Olive?” I ask and he looks at me blinking a few times.

“I’m not planning to get married anytime soon.” He says looking away for a moment.

“Why not? You’re great; I don’t see why you’d want to wait.” I say and he raises his hands like; okay you got me. We laugh at the awkward air that was there a few seconds ago disappearing.

“I still have some things I need to take care of before I can think of marriage.” He says seriously suddenly.

“You want to be stable first,” I state and he nods a little.

“Something like that.” He says looking at me almost staring.

“You never told me how you and Jay met,” I say cutting into the silence. The atmosphere is getting heavy the longer we’re quiet and I can’t deal with that and how he’s looking at me.

“We met through Farrow, years ago. We all volunteered together.” He says smiling fondly.

“Cool,” I say smiling too. I look at the clock behind me to see the time. “I really should go.” I say thinking of my mother.

“Oh yes. We kept you here.” He says looking at the clock on his wrist. “It’s late.” He says when I stand up.

“It was great seeing you.” I say smiling at him. Now that I’m not freaking out, I’m glad we saw each other.

“You too. I’m glad I found you.” He says smiling at me. He looks me up and down like he’s checking me out. But he can’t be because… I don’t know why. I just know that he can’t be.

“Do you know where Jay disappeared to? I need to say goodbye.” I ask feeling so shy.

“Bedroom?” He asks his eyes smiling like he knows something I don’t.

“Let me call him.” I say taking my phone out of my purse. I turn in the direction I know Jay will appear if he’s in his bedroom. But the truth is I’m ignoring the man behind him. Remember when I talked about his aura? It’s big.

I listen to the phone ring a few times but Jay doesn’t answer.

“He’s probably asleep.” He says when I turn back around to him.

“You’ll tell him goodbye for me?” I ask and he nods yes.

“Let me walk you out.” He says smiling at me.