“Not that my opinion counts but I think you should tell him.” Noni says looking at me closely. She stands up from my sofa placing her hands on her waist her face serious. She takes two steps backwards and then she takes three forward. She’s in her thinking mode; she’s looking for to tell me this without sounding judgmental. She’s thoughtful like that. “I don’t think so.” I say looking at her. She frowns at my words and she starts moving backwards again. “Shalom this is a baby we’re talking about here. What’s your plan? Are you going to hide the baby from him?” She asks coming to sit next to me. “I’m not hiding anything from him. He doesn’t even know I’m pregnant. How can I hide something that he doesn’t have prior knowledge of in the first place?” I say and I see the disappointment in her face. “That’s a whole lot of donkey shit and you know it.” She says and I look at her sad. “He deserves to know.” I don’t want to tell Kane. He and I have a complicated situation as is; adding a
“Welcome home.” My cousin Nathan says standing at his guest bedroom door. He looks at me for a long time, silent. He’s looking at me like I’m a stranger. I guess, I kind of am a stranger in a way. We haven’t seen each other in over six years. The last time we saw each other we were young; right at the cusp of becoming young adults. He’s looking at me like he’s trying to figure out who I am; I bet I have the same look on my face. “Thank you for this.” I say gesturing to the room. I walk to the bed and sit down, my body is tired from the flight but my mind is working over time. I’m having sensory overload with being back. My brain is trying to adjust to being back home. It feels like I’m having a culture shock. I know what South Africa is and it shouldn’t scare me but I’ve been away for so long that it feels like I have to relearn everything. My body feels off, I know it’s probably jet lag. “It’s nothing.” He says smiling at me. “I’ll be out of your hair soon,” I say and he shak
“What does your day look like today.” My mother asks walking into the kitchen. She sits at the kitchen table looking at me. I pour her a cup of coffee and walk to the table to give it to her. I sit down sipping on my own coffee. “I don’t have anything booked for today,” I say and she looks at me surprised. “Are you okay?” she asks concerned. I rarely have any off days so she automatically thinks that I must be sick or something “I’m okay. I just thought I should give myself a day off.” I say and she smiles at me. “Do you think you can stick to the day off?” She asks skeptical because she knows me very well. “I’m going to try,” I say truthfully. I work from home as a virtual assistant so it’s hard to take time off. I often struggle to find a balance between working from home and taking time out. I wake up and the work is right there. I just can’t switch off; the only thing that puts me off is when I’m too tired to get out of bed or if I’m sick. I know that neither of these reasons
2 years later “Hi.” I say when Jay opens the door. He smiles at me warmly. “”Hi, come in.” He says moving back to let me in. we hug and then he closes the door. “You look good.” I say walking behind him down the hallway. “I do? Thank you.” He says turning back to look at me. “I started going to the gym.” He says smiling at me. “I can tell.” I say smiling at him too. He really does look good. He lost a lot of weight. I can hear a lot of voices talking at the end of the hallway. I can tell he invited a lot of people. “I want to go back to my university body.” He says when walking into the dining room. I enter the room last and my eyes scan the people at the table. I recognize a few of them but I don’t know a lot of the others. “You were really buff then.” I say smiling at the many faces staring at me. “Hi everyone.” I say at the awkward silence in the room. They’re staring at me open mouthed and they’re making me feel self-conscious. I never know what to do when people stare at me
“I’m glad Jay convinced you to stay.” Kane says sitting on the sofa Jay just vacated. “He was pretty insistent I stay longer.” I say looking at him, feeling a bit weird. I’ve thought about this moment so many times. I’ve spent hours imagining what it would be like to meet him after all these years. But nothing could’ve prepared me for what I’m feeling right now. It feels like I’m the same girl that fell in love with him so many years ago. A decade ago to be exactly, I have the same feelings I would get when he was around. I feel so much excitement, joy, curiosity and intrigue. The only difference is there is a new feeling that plagues me; incompetence. He feels and looks different. He carries himself different; he has this air about him that makes me feel like I don’t belong. I’m struggling with that feeling because Kane is the only person I felt understood me. “I asked him to keep you here.” He says smiling guiltily. “So that’s why he bolted out of here when you walked in,” I say
When I open my front door, Jay is standing there with a big smile on his face. “What’s up?” I ask shaking his hand. “The sky and the sun and the clouds.” He says laughing at his own joke. “Come in.” I say moving to the side so he can walk through. I close the door behind him and turn to follow him down the hallway. “This place is coming along.” He says when we walk into the living room. “Yeah, it took a lot to get here.” I say looking proudly around my house. 7 years of school later I’m finally here. There was a time when I didn’t think I would get here. It has been a long and tedious ride. “I’m so proud of you man,” Jay says walking closer to me and giving me a brotherly hug. “Thank you, thank you,” I say hugging him back. “Speaking of I bought you this. A little housewarming gift.” He says handing me a bottle of Hibiki. “Wow, man,” I say looking at the bottle appreciatively. “You deserve it, man. This is incredible, you’re incredible.” He says a little emotional. “Thank y
“I’m at your gate open up.” Jay says when I answer. “Okay.” I say ending the call and opening the gate for him. About a minute later he knocks on my door. I go to the door and open it. “Hi.” I say when I open the door. “Hi beautiful.” He says leaning in for a hug. “I brought an old friend.” He says just as my eyes collide with Kane’s. I smile to hide the turmoil of feeling I feel when I see him. “Welcome, please come in.” I say letting them both in. “Thank you for having us over.” Jay says as they follow me to the kitchen. “It’s my pleasure,” I say leading them to my kitchen table. “Have a seat.” I say looking from Jay to Kane. “Thank you.” Kane says smiling. He looks around my house with so much interest. “I’ll get the wine.” I say going to the fridge. I need a moment to get my emotions in check. I didn’t think I would see Kane so soon. His being here is throwing me off; I don’t know how to feel about him being in my personal space. “This looks good.” Jay says looking at the
“Hey.” Kane says when I answer my phone. “Hi” I say on the end of the receiver. We stay for a long time; I don’t know what to say because I wasn’t expecting his phone call. I don’t know why he’s silent; he’s the one that called me. “It’s Kane.” He says like he snapped out of something. “I know how you are?” I say trying to move the conversation along. “I’m good and I am outside your house.” He says and I almost trip over myself. I walk to my security monitor in the kitchen and look at the screen. And there is a car at my gate. “Okay.” I say not really sure what to say. It’s kind of late for a visit and I just got home myself. I don’t think I have the energy to entertain anyone at this hour. “I was hoping we could talk.” He says sounding so unsure. I wait looking at his car trying to figure out what to do. My mother is home and I don’t want them meeting. But can I really turn him away? “Come in.” I say opening the gate for him. Hopefully, he won’t stay long; he has a girlfriend t