Reclaiming my love- A that supurses time

“Not that my opinion counts but I think you should tell him.” Noni says looking at me closely. She stands up from my sofa placing her hands on her waist her face serious. She takes two steps backwards and then she takes three forward. She’s in her thinking mode; she’s looking for to tell me this without sounding judgmental. She’s thoughtful like that. “I don’t think so.” I say looking at her. She frowns at my words and she starts moving backwards again. “Shalom this is a baby we’re talking about here. What’s your plan? Are you going to hide the baby from him?” She asks coming to sit next to me. “I’m not hiding anything from him. He doesn’t even know I’m pregnant. How can I hide something that he doesn’t have prior knowledge of in the first place?” I say and I see the disappointment in her face. “That’s a whole lot of donkey shit and you know it.” She says and I look at her sad. “He deserves to know.” I don’t want to tell Kane. He and I have a complicated situation as is; adding a

“What does your day look like today.” My mother asks walking into the kitchen. She sits at the kitchen table looking at me. I pour her a cup of coffee and walk to the table to give it to her. I sit down sipping on my own coffee. “I don’t have anything booked for today,” I say and she looks at me surprised. “Are you okay?” she asks concerned. I rarely have any off days so she automatically thinks that I must be sick or something “I’m okay. I just thought I should give myself a day off.” I say and she smiles at me. “Do you think you can stick to the day off?” She asks skeptical because she knows me very well. “I’m going to try,” I say truthfully. I work from home as a virtual assistant so it’s hard to take time off. I often struggle to find a balance between working from home and taking time out. I wake up and the work is right there. I just can’t switch off; the only thing that puts me off is when I’m too tired to get out of bed or if I’m sick. I know that neither of these reasons

“I’m glad Jay convinced you to stay.” Kane says sitting on the sofa Jay just vacated. “He was pretty insistent I stay longer.” I say looking at him, feeling a bit weird. I’ve thought about this moment so many times. I’ve spent hours imagining what it would be like to meet him after all these years. But nothing could’ve prepared me for what I’m feeling right now. It feels like I’m the same girl that fell in love with him so many years ago. A decade ago to be exactly, I have the same feelings I would get when he was around. I feel so much excitement, joy, curiosity and intrigue. The only difference is there is a new feeling that plagues me; incompetence. He feels and looks different. He carries himself different; he has this air about him that makes me feel like I don’t belong. I’m struggling with that feeling because Kane is the only person I felt understood me. “I asked him to keep you here.” He says smiling guiltily. “So that’s why he bolted out of here when you walked in,” I say

“I’m at your gate open up.” Jay says when I answer. “Okay.” I say ending the call and opening the gate for him. About a minute later he knocks on my door. I go to the door and open it. “Hi.” I say when I open the door. “Hi beautiful.” He says leaning in for a hug. “I brought an old friend.” He says just as my eyes collide with Kane’s. I smile to hide the turmoil of feeling I feel when I see him. “Welcome, please come in.” I say letting them both in. “Thank you for having us over.” Jay says as they follow me to the kitchen. “It’s my pleasure,” I say leading them to my kitchen table. “Have a seat.” I say looking from Jay to Kane. “Thank you.” Kane says smiling. He looks around my house with so much interest. “I’ll get the wine.” I say going to the fridge. I need a moment to get my emotions in check. I didn’t think I would see Kane so soon. His being here is throwing me off; I don’t know how to feel about him being in my personal space. “This looks good.” Jay says looking at the

“Thank you for cooking for me.” Olive says raising her wine glass to me. I raise mine and we cheers. “De nada” I say and she smiles at me. “I really needed this night in.” She says taking a bite of her food. “That’s why I did this, we’re both overwhelmed and we needed to slow down and enjoy ourselves,” I say taking a bite of the food and making an appreciative noise. I put my foot in this lamb, it really tastes good. “Well, I appreciate you for being so thoughtful. We should do this more often.” She says smiling at me lovingly. “We should, I need to fly down to Cape Town more,” I say smiling at her and she tilts her head sideways looking at me. “Or I could move in with you.” she says and I almost choke on my food. I look at her to see if she’s joking and she’s serious. “Do you think that’s a good idea?” I ask looking at her cautiously. “Yes. We’re in this forever so why not move to the next step? I want to be with you forever, I don’t see why this is not a good idea.” She says