12

Helena suddenly felt the adrenaline rush, as if she were in danger and her body was alerting her because the one who caused her to die was now being mentioned.

She could barely breathe; it was suffocating, and she was having a sudden panic attack, which she tried to keep to herself, but her breath was really feeling tight.

Louis glanced at her when he noticed that she was trying to breathe in her mouth, her fingers pinching each other, and she seemed like she would lose consciousness because of the sudden palpitation she was feeling.

“I need to go to the restroom,” she excused herself weakly, and stood up, but lost her balance so much that she clumsily grazed her hand onto her glass of wine that it wiggled, almost losing its balance, but Louis caught it, and some of the wine splashed onto her dress.

The others at the table cursed a bit and looked at Helena worriedly while Louis stood up and held her elbow to prevent her from losing her stance.

Helena was immediately apologetic for what happened as she shook her head and looked at the others.

“What is happening? Are you sick?” Louis asked.

Helena felt embarrassed that the people at the table were now looking at her. She felt like there was a bucket of cold water that was bathing all throughout her body, and she froze where she was standing.

“I…uh…need to go to the comfort room,” she said and just walked out, her face red as she still tried to maintain her breath.

Damn it, Helena! She was cursing herself, and she just wanted to let the floor swallow her whole as she made her way to the comfort room, closed it, and immediately shut her eyes as she tried to concentrate on breathing.

Her hands were shaking, and her body could still feel the goosebumps when she heard the name of the man whom he loved but only took her for granted.

She was in a rage. The amount of anger she felt while hearing Darren’s name was just too unbearable, and she could not believe that she was still affected because of the way her chest clutched. And as soon as she opened her bloodshot eyes, tears streamed down her face while she looked so angry.

I would never forgive them for the trauma they caused me. I will never forget that they served my death, and they don’t deserve any apology. They were the reason why I was here in this situation, and they killed me!

She turned her hands into fists as she looked at the mirror with pure rage. She wanted to just shout and break down into pieces, but she held back because she needed to protect her own sanity; that’s the only way to keep her sane.

She needed Helena’s body, her new life. She needed to survive in her. She needed to achieve something that could change not just Helena’s life but also hers. And she can’t just be weak every time she hears those names who caused her suffering.

She only calmed herself down, used the tissue, and noticed the stain on her dress, and she suddenly realized that Louis might have felt a little embarrassed for her that she was bringing shame to him.

God, Helena. You are trying to get his trust, to let him know you, and yet you are suddenly giving him embarrassment?

She could barely go out of the comfort room because she was afraid that Louis would only scold her, but she tried to compose herself as soon as she calmed down and went out.

She was shocked to see Louis waiting for him outside the comfort room.

“Are you okay?” He asked, and even though there was no tone of concern in his voice, just plainly asking, Helena felt a little bit of ease that he was asking.

She nodded a little. “Yeah. I just got suddenly dizzy, but I’m okay.”

Louis looked at her for a while, then looked at her dress. She looked at herself and wiped it off using the tissue again.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean what happened earlier,” she said apologetically.

“Be careful next time. Are you sure you can go back?” He confirmed.

She nodded and smiled. She doesn’t want to cause any burden to Louis. She was brought there because he probably needed someone as his date, but she knows that the main reason why he attended is because the people at the table have big names in the town and they were talking about something important.

When she went back, she was asked by the others if she was okay, to which she responded politely. And as soon as she sat again, Louis ordered a soup for her to make herself feel better—a soup that reduces stress.

Helena somehow felt a little bit better as soon as she slurped the soup, and tasting the food, which was very delicious, caught her full attention; she didn’t mind what the ongoing topic was anymore.

“Oh, I could suddenly imagine the genes of the both of you if you decided to have a child. Are you already planning for a baby?” One of them asked, which caught Helena off guard that she coughed a little.

Louis looked at her again. Helena then reached for her water to calm herself while the others were seriously waiting for the others.

“Or are you still planning for the wedding first before having a baby? Is that it?” They added out of curiosity.

In the world of the rich people in the town, having a child is considered powerful because it would be the next heir and the one who would take over the businesses soon enough. It was also considered for breeding their own kind so they could retain their clan’s ability.

That’s why having a baby isn’t because they were madly in love. It was because someone must secure the wealth and expand it for the next generation so the power of their clan would remain relevant.

But in Helena’s understanding, it was something else. She looked at lovemaking as a sacred thing that should be done by two people who are in love with each other after marriage. It was holy in her own understanding, and she would sometimes think that maybe Darren cheated on her because she didn’t want to give in yet without getting married first.

But she slowly accepted now that it wasn’t her fault and Darren is just a dick. She was also glad that she hadn’t given her virginity yet to him, but because of the idea that Darren wanted to claim her so badly, there was a sudden thirst in her that she just wanted to give it away now, to throw it like it didn’t mean a thing to hurt Darren’s ego that it wasn’t him who got him first.

“Do you like kids, Louis?” One of the women asked.

Louis only shrugged. “Not really.”

Helena looked at Louis. It felt like it was a hidden message to her that he was telling her he didn’t want kids with her and he didn’t want to become the father of her children.

“Oh? Why? Isn’t it a waste knowing you two have nice genes?” they pointed out.

Helena couldn’t concentrate on her food now. She wanted to answer, but at the same time, she didn’t want to because it felt like she had no right to voice out her opinion and Louis would scold her.

“How about you, Miss Helena?” Someone asked.

Helena was somehow pressured. She licked her lower lip and glanced at Louis, who just concentrated on his own food. She doesn’t really know what to answer that would please Louis, but deep in her heart, she knows too well that she likes kids.

“It’s actually a dream for me to become a mother,” she chuckled calmly, just answering it truthfully.

Louis then glanced at her unexpectedly, maybe curious about what she just answered.

“I love kids,” she said, smiling.

“Oh really? We could tell that you would be a great mother in the future!”

She smiled solemnly. During her time as Alana, she wanted to have her own kid so she could shower it with love and make it feel like having a real family. She wanted to pour out all the love her younger self deserved, and it would probably be the first one that would make her feel she had a family. She had someone who would genuinely choose her…

It was coming from those experiences that she felt like she wasn’t included, or she didn’t even fit in. All her life, her family made her feel that she was a black sheep. It was also the reason why there is a part of her to give all the love to her own children because she wanted to be a great parent…

“Well, Louis. It seems like your soon-to-be wife likes kids. You might probably change your mind,” someone teased Louis.

Helena only gave a small smile as she concentrated on her food, unable to glance at Louis because she felt like she would only blush if she did it.

“If she likes it, then I’ll give her one,” Louis answered casually without even putting too much emotion on it.

She froze a bit, and Helena could not even glance at him because she was shocked. Her mind was already roaring, and she was already cursing at the back of her mind.

“Is he even serious?!” She whispered to herself unbelievably.