Chapter 1

Year 2012

"Good morning, gorgeous!" 

 

"Good morning, Braelyn!"

 

"Hi, Braelyn!" 

 

"Hey, Braelyn!"

 

"What's up, Braelyn?" 

 

Those were the usual greetings I received from my classmates, schoolmates, and even the security guard when I stepped onto the school grounds. And, as usual, I replied, "Good morning," to them with a sweet smile, which has become a daily habit for me.

I was already on my way to my classroom, my hands gripping the slings of my bag pack tightly, still smiling, when I noticed my dear and longtime best friend, and also my classmate, Caesar, standing on one of the benches near a particular classroom, staring at something, or more accurately, at someone.

 

I slowly approached Caesar, sneaking from behind his back to surprise him. And when I was finally behind him, I tapped his left shoulder and greeted him very loudly, "Good morning!"

 

Caesar slightly jumped and grunted, then turned to me with wide eyes. "Brae!" he exclaimed.

 

Brae. That is my nickname. Only my parents, older brother, a few relatives, and Caesar call me that. I dislike being called Brae by just anyone, so other than them, everyone calls me by my full name.

 

"How long have you been here?" Caesar asked me while stammering. He looked nervous, as if I had caught him doing something naughty. He had the same expression when I caught him reading a sexy magazine with women wearing only their underwear on the cover when we were thirteen. And so, that fired up my curiosity.

 

"What are you doing here? Who are you staring at?" I looked ahead and saw the classroom of Our Lady of Fatima and two groups of girls and boys. "Just who are you staring at?"

 

"Nothing! I'm not staring at anyone, okay?" Caesar looked flustered when he answered me while trying to block my view.

 

"Nope. There is no way I would believe that. You're clearly staring at someone. Who is it? Have you finally gotten a crush on someone? Are you now finally going through puberty?" Grinning, I asked Paulo one question after another while still trying to look at the group of students from Our Lady of Fatima. "Who is it? Which one of those do you have a crush on?"

 

"No one! Let's go!" said Caesar in a voice that seemed close to being pissed. He's holding one of my hands and pulling me off the bench. But he immediately stopped pulling me when suddenly someone called me.

 

"Hi, Braelyn!" 

 

I immediately turned to where the voice that greeted me was coming from, and it led me to Rhea, one of the most popular students in our school and the most popular student in our year.

 

"Hello, Rhea!" I felt Caesar flinched a little when I greeted Rhea, which increased my curiosity.

 

Caesar tends to get surprised easily, but not as much as this. He is actually overreacting. Or there may be a reason why he is being jumpy right now.

 

Could it be?

 

My smile faded when I started to realize some things. But I immediately returned my smile to hide what I truly felt and pretend that nothing was wrong—that I was okay.

 

I waved at Rhea and invited her to come near us. Rhea quickly ran towards us while Caesar was trying to leave. "I'll go to the classroom first since it looks like you have something to do," he said, but I immediately grabbed his bag to stop him from leaving. "Why? What's the rush? It's not like you have someone waiting for you in the classroom, nor do you have an assignment to finish. So why are you in a rush? Stay here. It'll be quick. I just want to ask you something about Rhea, then we'll leave together, I told him while grinning.

 

"No, I'll leave—"

 

"Braelyn!" Rhea calling my name again made Caesar stop talking. And she is now standing right in front of me and Caesar, whose back is facing Rhea.

 

"Hey!" I said as I tried to make Caesar turn around and face Rhea, but he wouldn't budge.

 

Rhea frowned, then shifted her gaze to me and Caesar, who was still turned away. "Ahm, am I interrupting something? Should I just..."

 

"No!" I immediately answered. "It's okay. Caesar and I are just, you know, teasing each other, I said, then faked a laugh while still trying to take hold of Caesar and making him face Rhea. On the other hand, Caesar was trying everything he could to get away from me, but I was not letting him. Caesar gave me a questioning look, but I just smiled at him cheekily.

 

"Hi, Caesar!" Rhea's sudden greeting to Caesar caused him to flinch.

 

He must have been surprised.

 

Caesar and Rhea are not close and haven't had any conversation, unlike me, who had a lot of chances to talk to Rhea since both of us are the representatives of our classes. So there is no wonder why Caesar seemed so surprised at why the beautiful, intelligent, and popular Rhea is calling his attention.

 

I slowly tapped Caesar's shoulder and whispered, "Hey, she's talking to you. Look at her." But Caesar did not move. He remained rooted to the ground, not even trying to turn his head to look at Rhea, who had a confused look on her face. So I looked at Caesar's face to force him to look at Rhea, and I was surprised to see how flushed his whole face was. Even his ears are so red.

 

So, my hunch was correct. Caesar likes Rhea.

 

My chest throbs, but I ignore it and whisper to Caesar instead. "Dude, Rhea is being weirded out, so pull your shit together and face her. You don't want her to think you are a weirdo, right?" 

 

But what I said did not work out because Caesar remained unmoving with his head down.

 

"Is he alright?" Rhea asked me in a small voice.

 

I awkwardly smiled and nodded. "Yeah. Caesar's good. He's just a little... you know... shy." I replied, then laughed awkwardly while secretly tugging Caesar's uniform. "Stop being like this and face her—hey! Where are you going? Caesar?" 

 

Disbelief filled my face as my gaze followed Caesar, who ran as fast as he could toward our classroom without looking back.

 

"What the hell?" I uttered in disbelief.

 

I can't believe he just ran away like that. I have always known how shy and sheepish he is, but I have never seen him do this.

 

How could he run without acknowledging the person trying to talk to him? That was plain rude!

 

"It seems Caesar doesn't like me that much, huh?" Rhea sadly said, which brought my attention back to her. She also looked flustered.

 

"Oh, no. It's not like that. Caesar's just shy and not used to talking to girls, except me."

 

Rhea nodded. "I see," she said understandingly.

 

"Yeah. So, what can I do for you?" 

 

Oh, I just wanted to inform you that we will meet later in the afternoon, right after our classes."

 

"Really? I did not read anything about a meeting at our group chat." 

 

"Ms. Romina said she didn't have enough time to announce it in our group chat because she was busy and because I was the first one she saw earlier, so Ms. Romina just asked me to inform you."

 

"Oh, okay." 

 

Rhea smiled. "Then, I'll go back to our classroom. See you later!" She said, which I only answered with a nod.

 

Rhea started walking away after that, while I just stared at her, and when Rhea was already away from where I was standing, the smile I put on slowly faded away as I turned my back and made my way towards my and Caesar's classroom.

 

When I entered our classroom, my classmates greeted me, to which I again replied with a smile. After greeting my classmates, I went to my seat behind Caesar. After settling on my seat, I tapped Caesar's shoulder to get his attention.

 

He did not look at me but spoke, "What?"

 

I stood up. And since Caesar's seatmate had yet to arrive, I sat next to Caesar. He wasn't looking at me and remained focused on the book he was reading, which I found amazing. How can you read while talking while still being aware of your surroundings?

 

"Go back to your seat, Brae," Caesar said, which I pretended to not hear and instead just asked him.

 

"What was that, Caesar? Why did you suddenly run away? You got Rhea flustered and confused!" I got no response, so I spoke again, but now, with a fake smile on my lips again, "Is there something you would like to share? I promise I won't tease you." 

 

"I have nothing to share, so stop annoying me and return to your seat." 

 

"You don't want to share. Then, how about letting me guess it?" 

 

"Shut it, Brae."

 

"You like Rhea." 

 

Caesar quickly averted his gaze from his book to look at me, and in complete denial and a defensive tone, he yelled, "I don't!" 

 

I was quite surprised by his sudden yelling, as were our classmates. They even started staring at us with shocked expressions, but I just gave them my usual smile as if telling them we were good.

 

After that, my classmates stopped staring at us and went on with their own businesses.

 

I gathered my attention on Caesar again and hit his shoulder hard enough for him to flinch. I then said while pouting, "Stop surprising me! First, you run away without even giving me a heads-up, and now you're suddenly yelling. Do you want to give me a heart attack?"

 

"Then stop saying weird and nonsense things." 

 

"Weird and nonsense? Yeah, right. If honesty also means weird and nonsense, then yes, I am saying weird and nonsense things." Caesar did not reply and started reading again, so I continued talking. "You don't have to be shy about it, okay? We are not kids anymore. We are sixteen already. We are teens, and it's normal to have our own crushes. There's nothing weird about it. If we would talk about weirdness, then what you did—running away suddenly—that thing is what weird is." 

 

"Stop making things up." 

 

"Stop denying it, Caesar. How long do you think I have known you? We've been best friends since literally we were born. I know everything, okay, maybe not everything, but many things you do. I know when you are shy, when you are embarrassed, when you lie, and when you like something or someone. So don't lie or deny it because I can tell. I know you have a crush on Rhea." 

 

Caesar did not answer again. "Silence means yes," I said, and Caesar remained silent even after I said that, which just gave me the answer.

 

He really does like Rhea. I knew that already, but confirming it from him is still different, though he did not say it in words but confirmed it through his actions.

 

It's much more painful now than just a little while ago.

 

I can feel my heart twitching in pain, but as I have been doing for three years, I held back and hid what I truly felt—the truth that I am in love with him.

 

Yes, I am in love with Caesar, my best friend, and I have been hiding it for three years. And so far, I have been doing well with it.

 

For three years, I have pretended that nothing's changed—that he is still simply my best friend.

 

It's hard. It's hard to keep pretending that I am fine whenever I am with Caesar, when the truth is, I don't, because every time I am near him, I feel like my heart will burst. It's also hard to keep my true feelings in check, afraid that I might have shown him what I truly want from him. But even so, I try my hardest to hide it and not let him know because I am scared.

 

I fear the consequences I will face once I confess—losing him as my best friend and not being with him anymore. I cannot afford to risk my years of friendship with him for my feelings, which have no guarantee of being reciprocated.

 

So, I chose to endure it. I decided to accept the pain and hurt of seeing him like someone else. I will hide my true feelings. I will hide it until my heart gives up and I forget my love for him.

 

I put on my fake smile again and playfully pushed him. "You're a man now, huh?" I said teasingly.

 

"Stop it, Brae." 

 

"Why are we getting shy now? Since when did we become shy towards each other?" 

 

"Brae!"

 

"Want me to help you?" 

 

Confusion filled Caesar's face after I said that. "What?"

 

"I'll help you be close to Rhea. I can help you get closer to her," I said while smiling.

 

That’s right. I'll do anything to keep him from finding out and to keep my emotions hidden. I'll do anything to not let my feelings show, even if it means acting as a bridge between him and the person he wants to be with.