As I got meet up with Hino, I saw him waiting for me at the cafe we agreed to meet up at. "Hey dude!" He greeted.
I sat on the chair at the other side of his table. "You know, I'm still not used to seeing you with that haircut. It suits you though."
"Thanks. Although this won't last long. I'm definitely going to grow it out again." He touches his hair, unsatisfied with its length.
"Long hair makes you look like a girl. Well, it's just your face that's girly."
"Are you implying that my face looks feminine?" It was weird his face flushed, even so I just ignored it.
"Yep. But with your body, it's otherwise. You're too tall and muscular for a girl."
He chuckles. "You guys keep saying I look like a girl when I have long hair, but no one ever notices you."
An eyebrow of mine raised. "What do you mean?"
"Well, there were times I noticed that you looked girly. You know, with your face and height, I realized you look way more girly than I am."
"What!?"
"You look girly."
"What in the world made you see me that way?" Like hell that I'm girly!
"Hmm… let's try thinking about it, shall we?" He asked with a smirk.
"Okay?"
"To start, let's talk about your face. How were you able to maintain such smooth skin? How do you shave your mustache or beard?" This guy is utterly ridiculous.
"Uh, I don't… my face never grew a mustache nor a beard."
"Haha! Well, I and probably some other dudes grows a lot of hair on our faces. And it's hard to shave it all into such a fine smooth skin like yours. You're a pretty rare guy with that kind of case." He pointed.
Now that I think about it, I did saw Hino and Toma once with little hair on their faces before.
"Next! What about hair on your arms and legs? Is it the same case with the non-existent hair on your face?" I nod, realizing his points were right.
I also just realized that men are supposed to be hair creatures, aren't they? But…
Ugh, I got nothing.
"And then your height! Sometimes I can't help but compare your height with the girls in the campus. Some of them are even taller than you."
"Wha… really?"
"Yep, you're height is the average height of a girl and a small height for a guy." He said. Then he made a square shape with both his thumbs and index, looking at me within the shape he made. "Lastly, when I imagine you with long hair, you can really be pretty!"
"Ugh, I get it now. I look more feminine than you." I told him.
He laughs it off. "I don't mean to put it that way, I just had the feel to share my thoughts about you."
"You really like to observe and imagine about other people, don't you?" Because I just learned that he has one scary imagination. What's worse is that I was pretty much convinced that I'm a little feminine.
"Yep, hehe."
"Okay, now that's over with, we probably should get started with the report." When I mentioned the thing we were supposed to do, his bright face vanished and turned into a frowning one.
"Ugh, back to school work again." We began discussing our topic, though while in the midst of discussing, my mind wanders about my masculinity.
Am I not… 'guy' enough?
By the time the man finally left, mom even gave me loads of money so I could stay away from her. It was then I decided to cut ties with her. I was done dealing with her… "It was a mistake to stay here. I'm leaving." I never should've come back. "W-Wait!" Before mom could stop me, I quickly got to my room and brought all my stuff with me. "Toma, please! Please hear me out!" "…IT'S TOO LATE FOR AN APOLOGY! Don't even think that I'll ever forgive you." I told her while I was running down the stairs. She just kept pulling my stuff to make it more difficult to leave. "No, Toma! I can't—" "Don't stop me!" I glared at her, "I don't want anything to do with you ever again."
Nobody ever knows about it.I kept that very dark secret of mine all to myself. I can't even bother myself to tell my mom about what happened to me, I know she won't give a shit about it. And so, everything that I ever experienced from that man was written down on a journal. That was the only way I could vent all the stress and anger I had.While she was still on a relationship with that man, I would always hide from him so he won't be able to lay a finger on me. But there were times that he would sneak in my room just to make me suffer for his disgusting pleasure. He would often leave with a threat so I wouldn't dare tell anyone about it.I was really scared… no one was ever there for me. But instead of letting myself suffer even more, I try to make myself distracted when I'm out of the house.Y
We moved into a new neighborhood when I was at the age of eight. That's when I met Yuji, the guy who became my best friend… the guy who I came to like. And the one who I fell for.He became the person who I would run to whenever I'm at my worst. Yuji would always welcome me at his house, both his parents treating me like I was a part of their family. I really loved his company, it lets me feel all the things I lacked on my own family."Tomakawa, don't your parents worry if you spend the night here without telling them?" Auntie asked.I shook my head and gave my brightest smile. "They won't. Mommy said it's okay if it's at my best friend's house." It was a lie, and I was not guilty one bit. I don't really want to go home that night."Hmm, alright then."A
When I was about five years old, I can remember how my parents would argue all the time. It eventually led to physical violence, and sometimes I get hurt as well. It was really scary for a child to experience something like that from his own parents.If I remember well, the one who's most at fault for all the arguments was mom. Dad would always come home late and drunk, then mom will start to complain. They argue, fight, and mess up the house."Stop telling me what to do, woman!""I told you a million times already, haven't I?! Stop getting yourself drunk whenever you go home!""Shut up and lock yourself in a room. Seeing your face ruins my mood!""Why, you!… you should be the one locking yourself in a room! You're a wretched mess!"&nb
Since I was kicked out of school, the only place I can stay at was at my mother's house. It sickens me to go back there but I have no other choice. "Hm. And what do you think you're doing here?" Mom asked. Just when I arrived, I didn't expect to see her outside the house to water the plants. Usually, she fools with every man she brings home most of the time. "I'll be here for a few days, I'll leave as soon as I find another place to stay at." "Heh, I heard you were kicked out of school." "None of your business." I just ignored her comments and got inside the house. Seeing this place only reminded me of the past I always wished to forget. Every room, every corner… it was all too disturbing for me. After opening the lock on my room, it was just like how
That was it.Everything is over.I no longer have anything to do with him. When I got back from the hospital, I learned that Yuji's father had storm at my place and took all of Yuji's belonging. They said he'll transfer his son onto another school because of me, though he had never mentioned to the faculty the reasons. But rumors seem to have already spread because of Yuu."How disgusting! The school should expel him.""Is it really that guy?!""I heard he was sexually assaulting his roommate, that's why the father of the victim took away his son.""That fag is a scum!"Many people kept whispering behind my back as I walk on the hallways. I couldn't care less about what they s