WTF

Thank god he at least admitted to the trick thankfully it wasn’t something that could have blown my arm off with his little light show. If nothing else this was a certain sign it was time for me to get my ass home as soon as possible.

“You know I’m sorry your trick didn’t work out the way you wanted and its awesome that you included me but it’s getting late, and time for me to go home. I really appreciated your help but my cars right over there and I’m sure I can make It by myself so thanks.”

I stood up quickly and he rose beside me and picked up the cause of tonight’s drama and made a few

quick strides suddenly he was standing beside my car. I opened my passenger side door to allow him access to place the man in the seat after placing an old pair of gym clothes across the seat. I closed the door once he was seated and buckled in. I turned to thank him and walk around to the driver seat but was stopped short by how close he was. He was close enough to feel his shallow breathes on my fore head as he looked down at me with the most intense gaze I’ve ever seen.

“Um…seriously thanks so much for your help. I really do appreciate it. Here!” I say handing him a twenty-dollar bill. He stares at the bill as if it was a distant object.

“That’s for your dry cleaning if it's not enough. I could send you more If you email me the info for the dry cleaners, I’ll send them the money. Here’s my email address you send me the information and I’ll get it done as soon as possible,” I slide pass him wave good bye and climb into the driver seat and pull off like a bat out of hell. I see him throw his hands up and clench his fist angrily and shout, before placing his hands on top his head in a frustrated manner and turn to head in the opposite direction. No doubt because he was still covered in another grown man's shit. My heart sank at the abrupt realization he probably had some where to be and now thanks to him trying to rescue me he couldn’t. I made a mental note to try and pay him some type of reward for all his effort, as I drove further out of view.

                             Chapter Two

Glad to be finally putting this night to an end. I drop off my ex at his apartment thankfully he was able to wake up long enough to walk into his place his self. Because I sure as hell didn’t want to take him back to my house and worry about his irrational reaction to me breaking up with him and putting him out in the morning. Although slipping my little break up note and key in his wallet should more than get my point across all the while avoiding his wrath. But for now, it was time to literally wash all traces of him away.

I gratefully started my car and pulled off finally making my way home and putting as much distance between me and this night as humanly possible. I pick up My phone and dial Nicki’s number. The phone barely rang before I heard her pick up.

“Hello?”

“Nicki, I can’t with adulting any more this mess is too much.”

“Is this why you pulled a Cinderella at my farewell party? Because, if it's not a good excuse so helps me, I’m getting an Uber to your house and I’m kicking your ass.”

“Sis I don’t even want to tell you until I get home and boil my skin.”

“Ok… Now I’m intrigued. What the hell happened?”

“John legit shitted his self. And I am now finally on my way home after dropping him off.”

“Are you serious?”

“Girl I’m on the highway and I’m too scared to roll down my windows because I’m terrified, I might get pulled over and be mistaken for some kind of kinky ass feces roleplaying dominatrix and will have to explain in detail exactly why I look and smell right now.”

There was a brief pause before I hear my best friend burst into a fit of hysteria.

“I’m so happy you got a kick out of this. Because while your ass is laughing. I am on the freeway flying down the road to scared to crack my windows, while I am literally covered in hot booty juice. The smell is so bad my eyes are watering, and I refuse to touch my face. I seriously am considering setting my car on fire because I don’t think detailing will be enough.”

She is laughing so hard at this point that I can now hear her chocking over the receiver.

“Oh my god Lena, I’m so sorry Hun, but you have to admit when you pick the bad ones you sure as hell pick the ones that go out with a bang. But are you alright? Girl, please tell me you dumped his ass off at home and wrote him a dear John because there’s no way in hell that shit is worth it.”

I shake my head so frustrated and torn not knowing whether to laugh or cry at my current miserable state. I hear Nikki continue to laugh hysterically. “I know you might be upset sis but this is definitely one for the failed relationships hall of fame.” Loving the fact my best friend knows me so well and exhausted over the night's shenanigans. As a stranger sound escapes as I finally breakdown it came out as a stranger cross between half sobbing and laughing, as I continued telling her how the incident occurred and the many unfortunate events that transpired throughout the night.

“Wow, just wow. I can’t believe your luck.”

“I’ll say I get into a huge fight and break up with my boyfriend. Then I finally meet a handsome chivalrous dude who is a nerd like me and does not seem like he is looking for someone to provide for him. Only to meet him while I am literally being shitted on and of course he is not into me in any way shape or form. I give up Nicki, there is no way I can be this damn unlucky with relationships, this must be a sign seriously. I’m joining a convent tomorrow morning love be damned.”

Nicki sighs heavily on the other end.

“Look I know this was a huge hit to your self-confidence tonight, but you can’t just give up altogether. Sure, this was hard to deal with but honestly Lena John was not a prize and how many times have you said you felt like you were settling for him. Between the drinking, cheating and the constantly putting you out of his place when he started feeling himself until he realized you were needed to help him pay his bills.” She says in her usual gently stern big sister tone of voice.

“Ok yeah but there is obviously something wrong with me if I keep coming across guys like this. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong or how I keep attracting these types of guys.” I groan

“Hun, it’s not necessarily that you might be doing something wrong, maybe it’s just you need to pace yourself stop jumping to fall in love with the first guy that comes along pace yourself.”

I grow quiet thinking hard about what Nicki says. Letting the wisdom of what she says sink in was that what I have been doing? Had I been so desperate for love that I was resolving to settle for any man? Damn Nikki and her knowledge, but she was right I really was just setting myself up for failure at this rate end up in a psych ward from a nervous breakdown.

“Yeah, Nicki your right. So, anyway; now am I excused for my emergency exit.”

“Hmm I don’t know I’ll get back to you after I open my good-bye gift.”

“Well in that case, go ahead and open it now.”

The sound of wresting wrapping paper echoes over the phone, I hear a sharp squeal.

“LEEENNNAAA!!!! Oh My God!!! An autographed wand and full day pass to Orlando studios. I fucking love you, you’re the best.”

I chuckle lightly before saying. “You’re welcome, listen I need to get home and get clean, but I love you and I’m so glad you love your gift I’ll call you in the morning when you get up.”

“You better seriously, Sis thank you so much.”

“I will, I promise, Night sis love you I’ll Text you when I get home.”

I hang up the phone but the conversation we had replays in my mind, for some reason I cannot help but think about the guy in the strange costume and how upset he looked when I left. It did not help that I was feeling bad for being a total bitch toward him because he was being honest when I did not want to hear it. Whether or not he was being a dick about it he was still right, and the fact I was too busy being self-absorbed to realize he might have been inconveniencing his self just to help me out, made me feel like a complete bitch. I glance down at my wrist and the weird tattoo left behind by his magic trick. Which I failed to mention to Nicki I do not know why but something about telling her that part felt wrong somehow like it was private. Not to mention ever since I left the parking lot, I had this eerie feeling like someone was watching me and after tonight I was not risking anything else happening that could further fuck up my already shitty night.