CHAPTER THREE

ONE MONTH LATER

A month ago, Tim had broken my heart in the most cruel and spiteful way known to man. Two weeks ago, I left Shiloh creek for college. Two weeks since I left home for college without a goodbye from my mother. I had woken up to the sound of somebody moving around downstairs. It had seemed like a normal morning, which wasn’t right because it was not a normal morning. I was going to college.

I wondered if my mum was still asleep . I wondered if she’d hug me tightly and then tell me she loved me, tell me to take care of myself, tell me to call if I needed anything.

When I finally went downstairs, it was only my father downstairs at the kitchen table on his phone, probably reading the news or scrolling through emails.

My eyes kept darting to the hallway that leads to my parents bedroom. The door was shut.

My father cleared his throat and offered me coffee: “there’s coffee if you want any”

“Thanks”

I didn’t want any, but I poured a cup and took a sip anyway. Just to have something to do.

Then my father grabbed his car keys, patted himself down for his wallet, and nodded towards the door and said “Are you ready?”

I wasn’t ready. I still hadn’t seen my mother. She didn’t come downstairs so it was possible that she wasn’t home. But I was hurt. I am hurt. We didn’t talk about it. Nobody said she’s not coming or she should be here.

And the drive, the drive had been quiet and awkward. My father had done his best, asked me if I was nervous, told me to call if I ever needed anything. Told me he loved me, even clapped me on the shoulder before leaving.

It wasn’t the warmest farewell, but it was something—Something my mother hadn’t even spared. Knowing what my life looks there wasn’t any special goodbyes. I had no friends back at home. I just couldn’t seem to keep them. I can’t say if it stems from inability to fit in or my ability to fit in so well—so well that I’m overlooked or ignored. You might think what about Ellie? Ellie is my mother’s younger sibling. She’s basically my aunt, she’s my friend too. She had come over to see me before I left Shiloh creek. And Tim was with her. Tim was with her. I wanted to scream. I prayed to the universe to open up her mouth and swallow me. I wanted to tear him into a million tiny pieces. I wanted to cease to exist. I could see it in his eyes that he wanted me to do that too. It shocked me to my core, it baffled me too. I didn’t understand what I had done to be on the receiving end of his resentment.

Even lying down and thinking about it now, I’m still baffled by his sudden resentment. I can’t tell if it had always been that way, but maybe i was too desperate and naïve to notice it.

Then, the door swings open, slamming against the wall, with force and breaking through the silence and my thoughts.

I sit up with a start. A very huge and broad shouldered man walks in, dragging a large duffel bag him, wearing a hoodie even though it’s warm outside. You can see his hair is damp, with locks sticking to his forehead. Probably because he’s sweating so much. He pushes his perfect blonde hair with one hand. With a loud exhale he tosses his bag onto the empty bed.

“Yo. You Caleb?” He rumbles

“Yes” I say quietly. My body, already trying to make itself small so we can both fit into the room. He’s huge, gym rat huge, he makes the room feel small.

“Luke” he says. Toeing off his sneakers, then “Hope you don’t snore, man. I need my sleep, big season ahead”.

I bob my head, because what could you say to that?

He grins, it looks like something I’ve seen before. “You snore or you don’t snore?”

“I don’t snore.”

“You play anything?”

“Not really” I shake my head.

“Yeah, figured” He smiles that smile again and the feeling of deja vu creeps in again. “I play hockey, defense. Got recruited. Full ride”

“Cool”

He drops into the bed, leans back on his elbows with a smirk “I was actually supposed to go to Minnesota, but Delaware made me a better offer. Probably a good call. I mean, their program is solid, but I like being on a team where I can actually stand out, you know? Anyway, summer training was brutal, but it paid off. Coach already told me I’ll probably be on the first line. That’s rare for a freshman, but, well…" He smirked that maddening smirk again . "What can I say?"

I nod again like I know what he’s talking about.

“you follow hockey?”

“Not really” I reply quietly, already feeling like I’m disappointing him.

A mild look of irritation moves through his face.

“Anyway, I think you should come to a game. We’re gonna wreck Penn State this year. First game’s in a few weeks. The crowd’s insane, man, you’ll see."

I nod again

“Are you mute, or just selectively ignoring me?” it seems I’m doing a good job of irritating him.

“I’m sorry, just a little tired.”

He nods and stretches his legs “Oh, and if you hear me leaving at, like, five AM, that’s for practice. Gotta keep the routine, you know?"

“Yeah, sure” I say. The silence is stifling.

“You run?”

“Nope. You do?”

“Yes” he says with an air of superciliousness

“Must be tough running with such big body.” Shit. I hope that doesn’t sound weird but Luke looks pleased as he raps himself on his bicep

“This is my summer body.”

“Right”

It’s clear that he’s done talking, so I lean back on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I stare at the ceiling until my vision blurs out. Just as I start to drift off, I feel the sensation of slipping and falling too fast, and my whole body jerks awake. My heart hammers inside my chest, my limbs tingling and twitching with the phantom drop. Luke’s smile flashes in my mind again—bright, with an intensity that distracts you. But if you look closely, past the shine, you see it. The callousness.. It’s Tim’s.