"Not all evil men are evil, some are evil men willing to do good, baby..."
I closed the story book as I watch my little girl close her eyes while I read a bedtime story for her. I tucked Hyan to bed and kissed her forehead before looking at the crib next to her to check if Haley ---- my three year old baby girl is asleep. I smiled as I look at my best girls.
Pinatay ko ang ilaw at lumabas na ng silid nila. Hindi ko isinara ang pintuan para madinig ko kung anoman ang mangyayari sa loob niyon. I went to the boys bedroom where I found my best boys --- Hyron, Hunter and Heath. Hyron is already asleep when I entered their room but Hunter and Heath were still playing doctor who and they only stopped when they saw me.
"Momma's here! She caught us!" Heath yelled at his younger brother. Namaywang ako.
"Didn't your dad tuck you two?" Nakataas ang kilay na tanong ko.
"Dada did but we played him!" Heath said proudly. "Kunwari we sleep na. Kuya Hyron was supposed to be with us but he really did fall asleep from all the reading and stuffs momma!"
Tumaas lalo ang kilay ko. Kinarga ko si Hunter at hinatak ko naman ang kamay ni Heath para ilagay sila sa kama.
"Doctor who is over. You boys need to sleep and you should stop out smarting your dad! He loves you too much!" Hinalikan ko ang dalawa sa noo at siniguro na hindi na sila maglalaro muli paglabas ko ng silid nila. They had a long day and they all need to rest now.
Pinatay ko ang ilaw sa silid na iyon at dumiretso sa silid namin ni Helios. I found him on the bed sleeping with hia book in his chest. Suot niya pa dib ang reading glass niya. He must be really tired. Sumampa ako sa kama at inayos siya. He stirred when I took of his reading glass. Iminulat niya ang mga mata niya at saka ngumiti.
"Hey, love..."
"Your sons have out smart you again, Demitri." Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mga mata. He chuckled. Para bang alam na niya ang ginawa ng mga ito sa silid matapos niyang iwanan ang dalawa.
"They are really smart, love. They took it from your genes." Ngumisi siya sa akin. He put his arms around me. Sumandal naman ako sa dibdib niya. He was half naked but he's wearing his jammies --- the one that matches mine --- yes we wear matching pajamas because I really think it's cute.
"Yes I am smart --- actually very smart and because I am smart I have you here in my little palms and I can get you to do anything I want because you fell for me. HAHA!" I acted as if I was mocking him. I knew that he likes it when I do all the mocking and he'll just laugh at me.
"I missed this..." H******n niya ako sa sentido. Lalo akong lumapit sa kanya. I like Helios' warmth. "I miss you on my bed, love. I've been really busy and I want nothing more but to spend tine with you and the kids. I hate working out of town. I only have Yto beside me and waking up beside your brother although he looks a lot like you creeps the fuck out of me!"
Napahagalpak ako nang tawa sa narinig ko. Last week, buong linggo siyang wala dahil nagpunta sila ni Yto sa Balesin for a client call and he's with Yto. Buong linggo silang magkasama. Hinaplos ko ang mukha ni Helios. The truth is, I have missed him too. Isang buong linggo na ang kasama ko sa kwarto ay ang mga bata and I was really glad he's back. The kids seemed to miss him too especially the young ones.
"Love, have you ever wondered what will happen if you didn't meet me at all?"
Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya tinanong sa akin iyon. Ngayon ko nga lang dina naisip iyon. I looked at him.
"I haven't thought about that but noe that you have mentioned it, I'd probably be married to Zach by now or..." I grinned. "I'd break up with him because he got to famous and he met someone else while on the road and by that time I'd be married to Nicanor San Vicente."
"He tried courting you?" He sounded appalled.
"Oh yeah but I married Hector so he lost his chance then I divorced him and married you then had five amazing kids. I love you, hot stuff!" Kinindatan ko si Hector. "By the way, you should really go to the gym. You're losing your abs! I don't really know if I want a husbabd without abs!"
"Why Mrs. Demitri, did you marry me because of my body? Are you only in for the lust?"
I giggled like a little kid. Niyakap ko na lamang si Helios. I love laughing woth hin and gooffing around with him. Isa iyon sa mga bagay na hinahanap - hanap ko kapag wala siya.
"If ever I have an out of town again. I'm taking you. I don't wanna miss you that much." H******n niya ako sa labi. Pumikit naman ako ay hinayaan ko siya. Mula noong unang araw ko siyang minahal hanggang sa araw na ito ay hindi nagbago ang pagmamahal na nararamdaman ko.
Considering the way we started and the way he treated me that fateful night --- so many things have changed but never the way I love him or the way he looks at me.
Change isn't really the permanent thing in this world but love. Love is permanent --- especially if it's true and if it's with the right person and in my case Helios is my right person who used to be the wrong one.
"I'm always looking forward to spending my lifetime with you, Mrs. Demitri."
"And I, with you."
We kissed again. After that he placed me by his side and he big spooned me. I love being trapped in his arms and I love his warmth.
I love him...
To understand what I am about to tell you, you have to believe in the impossible. You have to believe in those kind of moments where everything counts --- that moment where you could finally say that -- this is it.And in my life, I only said those words five times. I had five moments in my life that I count as the impossible became possible.You wanna know the first moment I said that this is it? It was way back when I realized that I am in deep shit because finally I am in love with her.It didn't take that long before I knew about my feelings for her. It's just really overwhelming to finally have something inside my heart that is bigger than the world it is. Ni hindi ko alam kung paano ko kokontrolin ang nararamdaman kong ito.It is only now that I acted like a teenager who has raging testosterone wheneve she is around. Just one look from her and bam! My world shook. I experienced a chaos inside my body. My walls shook and I am vulnerable. And suddenly, I don't know what to do with
To my lovely wife,It's been... I don't know... eight years since you took your long time vacation, and up until now, I miss you. I still do. Hindi ko masukat, Apollo, kung gaano na ang pangungulilang nararamdaman ko para sa'yo. Sometimes, babe, when I couldn't sleep, I hug the pillow you once laid your head on and just lay there. I would think about our memories together and it's funny how the funny once turns to be the most heart breaking memories I could ever imagine.I miss you, babe... I sometimes wish that you are still with me. That one day, I will wake up with you beside me again – still sleeping. I would stare at your face until you smile and open your eyes. I would kill to hear your voice again, Apollo. I would give up everything just to hold your hand again. I would do everything – even if that's to pawn my soul to the devil – so I could see you again...But... I just have to let it go. Life goes on... Iyan ang sinabi ko kay Laide noong umalis na rin si Adam. I know you two
Dear Mama...I don't know why I am writing you this letter. I just found myself inside Hades'office looking for a piece of paper and a pen. I wanted so much to talk to you. Mama ang bigat-bigat na ng kalooban ko. Hindi naman nagbago ang dahilan, wala ka na at hanggang ngayon napakasakit.Hindi ko nga alam kung ilang beses kong hiniling na sana nandito ka sa tabi ko. I wished for you to meet my kids, to meet my husband and to discover how much of a good person he is. I want you by my side mama. I would kill for anything o have you back. I would even kill Helios if that's what it would take for me to have you back ---but it's too impossible. You have passed n and we all have to move on without you by our sides.And every night for the last five years of my life, I cry because your not with me. I imagined myself having you by my side 'till I am 85 --- lahat yata ng anak ay ganoon ang gusto. There was never a moment in my life when I didn't wish for you.Alam mo, last night, I was watch
"Hindi ba pwedeng tayo na lang ulit, Keith?"Tiningnan ko lang si Nathan. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa naririnig ko mula sa kanya. Nasa dating tagpuan kami – saan iyon? Sa labas ng bahay namnin. Nakaupo kaming dalawa sa tapat ng flower box kung saan niya ako tinanong noong sixteen years old ako. Ang bilis ng panahon, limang taon na iyong nakalipas at break na kami ni Nathan.Nathan and I broke up that night I was about to give him my virginity. He was on top of me – and yes we're in the middle of a very heated make out session but then, he uttered someone else's name and that's the start of a very heated argument which ended our relationship. I thought that I'm gonna hate Nathan forever, but two days later, we became friends again. Mula noon, wala nang Natkeith – meron na lang Nathan at Keith.Minsan kapag iniisip ko, nanghihinayang ako sa naging relasyon namin ni Nathan – sa kanya ko naramdaman iyong kilig na hinahanap ko. He showers me with compliment and surprises. Oo nga at indi siya
Nakilala ko siya noong eighteen ako. Back then, my hair was silver and very short. Palagi niyang pinupuntahan iyong batambatang professor ko sa Psychology. Palagi ko silang nakikitang nagla-lunch at nagkakape. Naisip ko, siguro sila, o baka mag-asawa. Pero noong una hiniling ko n asana magkapatid lang silang dalawa but when I saw him kiss her, alam ko na. Medyo nakadama pa nga ako nang panghihinayang.Bakit ba lahat ng lalaki sa mundo, kundi taken ay bading naman?"Tomorrow, I need you to pass your three hundred word essay about multiple personality disorder, also known as MPD. I want you to discuss about its effect and it originated."I was taking down notes, pero sa isip ko ay naroon pa rin ang lalaking iyon sa isipan ko. Tiningnan ko si Professor Escalona. She's perfect. Napakaganda niya, maganda ang kurba ng katawan niya. Is she having sex with him?"Alright? Dismiss, see you tomorrow."Nagpa-iwan ako. Iniisip ko kung itatanong ko na ba kay Ma'am ang bagay na matagal ko nang iniis
I met him back in my university. Hindi na siya estudyante tulad ko. I guess he's a bit older than me. I am nineteen and he's twenty-two. Akala ko nga estudyante siya noong una ko siyang makita sa library ng eskwelahang pinag-aaralan ko pero hindi, according to the other student's assistant, he works in the library.Mula noong nakita ko siya noong araw na iyon, may kung anong palaging humahatak sa akin pabalik sa lugar na iyon para lang tingnan siya. I am kinda shy so I just couldn't come up to him and ask him his name or introduce myself because my heart gets chaotic every time I see him.I like him. He's mysterious. Hindi ko pa kasi siya nakakausap kaya hindi ko pa nakikita kung anong meron sa likod ng seryosong mukha niya at itim na itim na mga mata.I like watching him arrange books and all. I like watching his face gets bored and then he will smirk and shake his head as if asking himself why he was inside that boring library.Hindi naman kasi siya bagay doon. I imagine him to be a
"Halika na, 'wag ka nang sumimangot diyan!"Pinanlakihan ko ng mga mata ang asawa kong ayaw na namang tumayo mula sa pagkakahiga niya sa kama. Imbes na mainis ako ay natutuwa lang ako sa kanya. I realized this morning that there are a lot of things to be thankful and to be happy about and waking up beside him is one of those things and the best part of it is I have forever to do that."Lukas Consunji!" Sigaw ko. Tumayo ako at umupo sa tyan niya. Hinigit ko ang sando niya tapos ay sinampal ko siya. Pero wala pa ring epekto. Namaywang ako. I grinned. "Ay, natanggal iyong bra ko.""Where? Let me see!"Bigla ay bumangon siya. Natawa ako bigla nang malakas. Napasimangot naman siya."Apollo naman eh! Ilang linggo na tayong diet! Tara na kasi!" Wika niya habang nakasimangot sa akin. Binelatan ko siya."Eh! Red flag nga kasi! Bumangon ka na at tumawag na si Papa Sancho. 'Wag ka daw male-late sa board meeting ninyo, babe kaya maligo ka na, lika na..." Hinawakan ko siya sa kamay. Parang bata pa
Hindi iisang beses kong itinanong sa sarili ko kung bakit ganoon ko kamahal ang asawa ko. Alam ko na mahal ko siya pero kung minsan ay nagigising ako sa kalagitnaan ng gabi, mapapatitig ako sa kanya pagkatapos ay tatanungin ko ang sarili ko kung hanggang kailan ko ba siya mamahalin. Nakakatawa siguro kung iisipin pero minsan ay kinatatakutan ko na bala magising na lang ako isang araw na hindi ko na mahal si Lukas Consunji.Natatakot akong baka hindi ko na siya mahalin at kapag nangyari iyon, ano na ang gagawin ko? Saan na ako pupunta? I don't want to unlove him. I spent years building a world around him and dreaming his dreams for him. I love Lukas with all my heart and soul and all that I can offer him...But until when?Bata pa kaming dalawa. Marami pa ang mangyayari.Hindi naman kaagad nasagot ang tanong kong iyon. Kuntento na lang ako sa araw-araw na nagigising ako at mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya. Pero hindi naman ako nainip sa paghihintay kung kailan ko masasagot ang tanong na i