One rainy night

"I can't tonight, I have a paper to write."

That was what Mercedes Samson told me that afternoon while she was lying beside me inside my condo unit. I asked her if she wanted to have dinner with me - it was a surprise. I actually want her to meet my mom. I figured that she has to meet my mom because I'm in love with her. I grinned at myself. I'm in love with her and somehow she doesn't know that. I'm trying hard to make her feel that pero wala. Hindi ko alam kung manhid si Mercedes pero wala talaga siyang nararamdaman.

She took a quick shower and just left. Ganoon naman kami. We don't cuddle. We don't hug, we just fuck and yet she penetrated right through me. Pinanood ko siya habang palabas siya ng unit ko. I realized now that I don't know much about her. It's only her name, where she lives, her birthday and her blood type. Maliban doon wala na. I don't even know her friends, where she goes when we're not fucking. I grinned again.

Last week, I found out that she was always inside the library whenever she has vacant classes and the reason why she's there was because of her only friend. I know that Mercedes doesn't like drama or the likes, kaya siguro sa dami ng tao sa university, sa isang nerd-weirdo siya nakipagkaibigan.

Because I didn't have anything to do that day, naisip kong bumalik sa university para tingnan sa unang pagkakataon ang babaeng palaging pinupuntahann si Mercedes. I arrived at the university, fifteen minutes later. Sa library ako dumiretso, wala masyadong tao doon. I looked around and saw Mercedes' friend - I don't remember her name - naupo ako sa isa sa mga monoblock chairs na malapit sa kanya. She was reading something.

For me, she looked funny. Ang kapal ng salamin niya, wavy ang buhok na umabot lang sa panga niya. She dresses like a fifty year old woman who's desperate for love but what caught my attention was the fact that she doesn't seem to care about the world around her.

Siya ang kauna-unahang babaeng nakilala ko na ganoon. The women in my world seemed to care a lot about what other people thinks but this one, she's very different. Habang nakatingin ako sa kanya, alam ko at sigurado ako na mas makikilala ko si Mercedes kapag sinundan ko siya araw-araw. Hindi ko alam kung bakit takot akong tanungin si Mercedes ng mga bagay tungkol sa kanya. Maybe because if I did, she'll figure the whole thing out and it'll be my defeat.

Araw-araw ay nagpupunta ako sa library. I'd spent my hours just watching her friend interact with the people around her. I realized that she's just not a weirdo but spontaneous. I just sighed.

That day, I decided to talk to her. Tumayo ako at pinuntahan siya.

"Hi." I said confidently. Nang tingnan niya ako ay kumunot ang noo niya.

"Name?"

"Ares Consunji." I had always been proud of my name. Kitang-kita kong natulala siya tapos ay biglang umismid. Naisip ko noon na kilala niya ako. Bakit hindi niya ako makikilala. I'm fucking her friend. Maybe they talk about me a lot. I grinned at that thought.

"Ikaw pala iyon." She snorted.

"And what do you mean by that?"

"Wala kang kwenta. M*****g ka." She hissed at my face. Nag-init ang ulo ko. Binelatan niya ako. For the first time in my adult life, wala akong nasabi sa ganitong klase ng babae. How dare she? "'Wag kang lalapit sa akin! Fuck you ka!" Para bang gigil na gigil siya. Pinagtitinginan kami ng mga tao sa library. Siguro iniisip nila na sinasaktan ko ang babaeng ito. Napabuntong - hininga ako.

"You'll die a virgin." I whispered to her. She just made a face. Umalis naman ako at lumabas ng library pero hindi ako umuwi. I waited for the night at nang gumabi ay sinundan kong umuwi ang babaeng iyon. Naglakad lang siya. Malapit lang naman ang bahay nila ni Mercedes mula sa university. She was wearing a yellow head phones habang naglalakad. I wanted to strangle her.

Hahablutin ko sana siya nang bigla na lang siyang kumanta.

Nagbibilang ng sandal

Pintig ng puso ko'y bumibilis

Alam kong nadarama mo rin...

Magkikita tayong muli

Parang batang kinikilig

'Di mapakali, at masasabik

Mahawakan kang muli.

Then as if on cue, it started raining. Bathseeba - that was her name - I found out last week - stopped walking and looked up. I saw that smile on her face. It was a smile of freedom. I watched her as she dances and sings in the rain...

It's all new to me.

Mundo'y ating iwanan, maaari lang sana...

Dito na lang tayo sa ating tagpuan...

Maaari lang sana, dito na lang tayo sa ating tagpuan...

My eyes widened when she stopped and looked at my direction. Nagtago naman agad ako sa waiting shed at pinakiramdaman siya. A moment later, I noticed that the rain stopped and Bathseeba was nowhere to be found. I watched her little silhouette disappear in the darkness.

She's all new to me...

It's really something.

But then, she'll probably die a virgin.