Standing up, I start stripping. I grab the blindfold and put it on, then stand here naked in the corner, waiting. My heart is pounding in my chest, the sound of a drum counting down the seconds for me.“What do you want, Alena?” His voice is quiet. He isn’t his usual self. Typically, when he asks that, he has humour there, knowing that he already knew what I needed.“I want you, like before. I want you like we used to be, no pain, no worries.” I stand waiting for his reply.“I am not sure that is a good idea. I hurt you, upset you and broke you. I saw your face, how much you hated yourself and me.”“No, don’t think of it like that. If I say the safe word, will you stop Jackson?” I hear him moving closer to me as I ask.“Yes, always, no matter what I am doing, I would stop.” Which I know, and that is why, last time, it was my fault.“I promise, if you got too far, I will say it. I won’t hold it in. I won’t ignore the pain, the hurt. I will say it. I promise.” I know I will. After the l
“What do you need? Whatever it is, Jackson, take it, take everything. I am offering everything. We can try again. I know what to do, and I won’t hold back this time. If I have to say the safe word, I won’t hold it in.” His eyes look at mine, his head shaking.“Jackson, I need you, I need you right now. You’re driving me insane. The thought of you hard is driving me insane.” It is; I have never left him hard, never, and I don’t plan to now.“You might want to change your mind. This will be the last chance you get. I don’t want your pretty ass to run away after this.” He takes another step closer, never taking his eyes off me. I stand, waiting. I will at least try this for him.“I am going to fuck you….” his head shakes, and he smirks, “No, I am going to abuse you, and you will fucking love it because you’re a dirty little fucking slut.” His words come out like curses. Still, like every other time, there is love in them. It isn’t full of hate, like the other day.“Don’t even think abou
“So, come on, fantasy, what is it? I know you said to dominate a woman, which you seem to be able to do freely and easily. What are your others?” He looks at me, smiling. “Oh, and when will you be seeing Roxy again?” His smile is getting bigger.“Roxy, I will see when things settle down, just like my fantasy can wait.” We have a lot more important things to sort out than this.“Stop avoiding and answer. I want to know what they are, all of them, why and how you feel about them. Otherwise, I will just lock you in here and turn you into my slave.” His words are teasing me. I feel he has found himself, at least a little bit.“My fantasies are pretty out there, wild and crazy when I think about them. My heart pounds so fast, I get sweaty and imagine them, wondering how it would feel, almost begging myself to do it.” I glance at him before continuing.“You have your own fantasies. You know how it feels. It is like a need for something you can’t get. You are physically unable to get it; it
“By the way, Liam was asking about what you guys do. Apparently, Jackson doesn’t discuss it much with him, but then he decided to ask me if I would want to try it out sometimes.” She laughs, her hand covering her eyes like she is trying to hide from the idea.“What did you say?” I am keen to know if she is open to it or open to trying anything, even just the bondage side of BDSM.“I said I had no idea, I would need to think about it, but thought talking to you would be best, as you do it. How’s the blog going anyway? I have not looked at it yet. I’m too scared of what I might see or read.”“Well, you can ask me anything, but honestly, Jackson is the one who knows most. The blog is crazy. I am getting so many messages and comments, everyone asking me questions. I feel way out of my depth, to be honest.”“Yeah, after today, I highly doubt I would be able to ask Jackson anything like that. You should see it as a good thing, you’re empowering other women to be more open with sex and shit.
Getting to the hospital, I see he is right. Marcus is lying there, breathing on his own, but not opening his eyes. I look at Maria. She looks so withdrawn, pale and unwell. “Go home for a bit Maria. Get some proper sleep in a bed, and Jackson can call if anything happens.” I feel awful for her, knowing the feeling of this after thinking Jackson was dead. I would be surprised if she leaves, but at least he is breathing on his own.That is a good thing. She nods, getting up from the chair, unsteady on her feet. Jackson wraps his arm around her.“I will walk you to the car. Are you sure you can drive?” Jackson looks at her, worried by how weak she looks.“I will be fine but, thank you.” She walks out and we sit here in silence for a short while. “Are you sure you were okay with yesterday?” Turning, I look at Jackson. “After the other day, Alena, you looked broken. I don’t want you to be lying if I hurt you again.” I look at him, shaking my head.“You want to talk about it now?” I look
He stays smiling at me.“Well, I am still grateful, for everything, for you coming to the house and helping us, for you keeping Jackson sane while I was missing, and for taking a bullet for him. I can’t say I kept him grounded. I had never seen him like that before; he changed a lot.” I think back to how he was those first two times in his playroom.“What do you mean, you never saw him like that before? How did he change?” I look at him, wondering how much is too much. Should I be discussing this with him?Then I remember he has seen the videos, the pictures of Jackson and me; he has known Jackson for years and knows him better than I do.“He was a mess, screaming and crying uncontrollably. He wouldn’t talk. He sat in the same spot for hours. Then, when he finally moved, and I tried everything to break him out of the shell, he blamed himself for you being shot.” My memories flood back, him crying that he kil
How am I going to be able to look Jackson in the eye? How can I act like nothing happened? I need to forget Marcus, forget today, forget how hot he is, and forget that he made me so wet within seconds. How did he manage that?I am scared, scared of going home, scared of facing Jackson. I don’t want to ruin his relationship with Marcus, and I also don’t want to hide this from him. How can I pretend like nothing happened? Like Marcus did not just try it on with me?Walking into the house, I look in his direction. He is so happy. How could I destroy that? I really shouldn’t. I can’t destroy his happiness. Nothing happened, exactly. I will keep it to myself for as long as I can. It isn’t just about Jackson and me, or even Marcus, but his wife Maria, she loves him, and the thought of hurting her, the thought that he would do that to her, even though she approves, just doesn’t feel right.Jackson turns. He is smiling, so happy
It is getting to be early morning. Sitting here, the silence surrounding me, I hear the door. I move to get out of bed. No, I shouldn’t go to him. I should wait until he comes here, wait until he is ready to see me and talk about it.I move back onto the bed, sitting, waiting.The bedroom door swings open, hitting the wall with a thud, and he slams it closed, kneeling at the side of the bed next to me like he is surrendering to me. I move to the edge of the bed, and his head drops onto my lap.I have no idea what has happened or what to say. My body has frozen. My mind is unable to talk yet. My hand is resting on his head, waiting ‘til I can find any words to say.“What happened?” The silence finally breaks from my words. I hate that I put him through so much pain in just a few short years. He would not have had any issues if he never met me.“Nothing. By the time I got there, I had calmed down. Sorry for storming out. I didn’t want to fight with you.”It makes no sense. Why would he