18 - LOVE ME ENOUGH TO LET ME GO (2)

Morning arrived faster than I had hoped for it to. I was standing before my mirror, looking at the interview details that were open on my phone, as I was also remembering the words Serena had said to me. Take the interview, she had urged me, which made choosing something for myself feel more frightening than choosing her.

The years I spent at the university had taught me how to stay alone, but I came home realizing that one person could make me forget that completely. I picked up my bag, slipped the folder from last night inside, and took my leave before I convinced myself out of going. For once in my life, I wanted to get into the interview room as Maya Thompson and nothing else.

I expected the officer to be bigger than how I saw it, but everyone inside took the project very seriously. They asked me about organization, communication, pressure, ideas, and I gave answers without uttering the name of Serena once. 

I paused before giving the only answer that felt honest to the woman across the table when she asked why I wanted the position. “I want to build something that is mine,” I replied, while my hands remained together. “I have wasted too much time believing I needed to know where I belonged before I could begin.” The woman gave me a convincing smile, wrote something down, and went on with the next question.

When the interview had finished, I was not wondering whether I was able to impress them; rather, I was wondering how strange it seemed to be judged for what I could do instead of being Ethan’s younger sister or just Serena’s girl. 

The woman stopped me before I could reach the door and explained, “We would like you to take the position.” She handed me a printed offer. “There is one condition you need to know before accepting it.” I stared at the paper and saw the start date that was written near the top.

The project is something that was outside town, and they needed me to arrive there within forty-eight hours. It was also on the paper that the project would be on for several months, and most of the work required me to remain on location instead of moving from one place to another back and forth. The opportunity I needed had suddenly turned into a decision I could not shift aside.

I put Serena on the call before I changed my decision, and she picked the phone fast. The sound of her voice somehow made the distance seem smaller than it actually was. “They offered me the position,” I said, moving slowly to the road. “But they want me to be there in two days, which would mean I'd be away for several months.” I could hear the weight of the news in the silence that followed.

“Do you want it?” Serena immediately asked. “Yes,” I admitted, while seeing cars move past me. “I really do.”

I found Serena at Velvet later in the afternoon. The stitches on her face were still visible, and she sat behind her desk with the careful movements the doctor had prescribed. I dropped the offer onto her table and watched her eyes move from the paper to my face.

“They want me to leave in two days,” I explained, while taking the chair opposite her. “If I accept, I won’t be around while you’re still following the doctors’ advice, and I will miss everything happening in here.” Serena moved forward from her chair and checked through the offer.

“Then you need to decide what matters to you,” she murmured, while moving the papers closer to her. “Not what makes staying easier for us.” My gaze remained on her because part of me had thought to ask me to wait.

“What if I take it and everything changes between us?” I asked, while letting my voice remain low. Serena left her seat and came across the desk, closing her fingers around mine. “It probably will,” she replied. “But change is not the same thing as losing each other.”

There was no space for another excuse after her honesty dawned on me. I looked through the club beyond just her office, while remembering how it was like yesterday Serena had given me a place inside her world. And now, I’m offered an opportunity outside it, and accepting the opportunity would mean taking a step out when I had already stepped closer.

“I do not want to leave you as things are finally becoming real,” I made the confession while carefully watching her. She took my hand up and then pressed her lips to my knuckles. “Then let them get real enough to survive you leaving.”

I looked down at our joined hands, and I had a thought of the lake and that old leather jacket I was once wearing, just because being close to Serena really felt like it was the safest place in the world. I believed loving her was to wait until life somehow made room for us. Now it feels like life has given me the room, but demanding that I bring something of my own inside it.

“I’ll be taking the opportunity,” I finally agreed, but Serena nodded, and almost immediately her expression changed when she read the offer again. “There’s something else,” she uttered while looking through the final page.

The company needs me to leave my town the morning after tomorrow and stay near the project throughout the first phase. I would not just be travelling for work; it means I would be relocating temporarily, getting accommodation there, and building just one new routine.

Serena stood slowly and came around the desk. “Go,” she uttered, resting her hands around my waist. “Build the life you wanted before you came back home from the university.” I stared into her eyes, having the knowledge that she was offering me freedom that none of us had known the way to ask for.

“What happens to what is between us when I am gone?” I asked. Serena placed her thumb towards my cheek before giving me an answer. “We would find out whether what we started is strong enough to keep moving on without the need for the same room.”

We kissed slowly, gently, while I was avoiding her injury, and held her for another moment while we were still kissing. As the kiss was getting intense, my phone vibrated right inside my bag, and I brought it out to glance at the confirmation email. My acceptance had been recorded, and there was a final instruction in the message: Report to the project office by eight tomorrow morning.

I looked at the screen in shock before showing Serena. She glanced through the message, and then her gaze met mine. “Tomorrow morning,” my stomach tightened, while she murmured.

I had in mind that I was choosing a job that would take me away for a few months, but it looked like I had just accepted a future that would start almost immediately. And less than forty-eight hours was the only time I had to say goodbye to my family and the life I had only just started building with Serena.