Chapter 4

[Alice’s POV]

Later that night, I found myself locked in my familiar nightmare.

The raging fire blazed, devouring everything. The scorching heat was so intense, it threatened to melt everything in its path.

Panicked, I stood in the room, choking on the smoke. There was no way out. I was going to die in there. The fire raged all around me, the flames licked the wooden floor, the air thick with the pungent smell of smoke.  

And then he appeared.

David.

Come to rescue me, to save me from certain death. In the sea of fire, I saw him reach for me hand. But then, he furrowed his brows and cocked his head to the side.

“You’re not the one I want,”  he said, a look of disgust on his face. He tossed my hand to the side and gave me a hard shove, throwing me backwards into the fire.

My eyes flew open as I gasped for air. My chest heaved violently, my forehead covered in sweat.

The bedroom was lit only by a dim wall lamp, its soft light reflecting the familiar room.. It was only a dream. I was safe in my bedroom.

There was no fire, no smoke, only the barely audible hum of the air conditioning system, maintaining a false spring temperature in the room.

Suddenly, I felt a hand gently patting my cheek, wiping away the un-spilled tears from the corners of my eyes with thin, callused fingertips.

“Another nightmare?” David asked, his voice hoarse with the laziness of just waking up. He had a trace of imperceptible tension on his face.

He lay on his side, his arm under my neck, half-circling me in his embrace.

I had no idea what he got home. I’d gone to bed before he did. He must have slipped into bed while I slept.

“When did you get home?” I asked him. “You missed our anniversary.”

I studied his expression as he spoke.

“I’m sorry, Alice.” His voice was filled with just the right amount of regret. “It was my fault. The contract loophole was more difficult than I imagined. The legal side was a mess, and I had to sit in charge. I tried to get home sooner, I really did. But my hands were tied..”

He paused, his fingers unconsciously caressing the shoulder strap of my pajamas.

He was lying.

I lay beside him, wrapped in the expensive silk sheets, wearing my designer lingerie, listening to him whisper carefully woven lies into my ear.

Legal matters, loopholes, tricky contracts...

What a perfect excuse.

If I hadn’t personally heard that woman named Emry’s teasing voice on the intercom, if I hadn’t personally seen David’s location, right there, in the city with my own two eyes…. 

He didn’t even take a shower.

I could smell it, the very faint but very real scent of white tulips lingering under the smooth musky scent of his signature cologne.

It was the scent of another woman. Searching his face, I looked for a remnant of guilt. He’d spent the night at the hospital, with Emry, at a pregnancy check-up.

Instead of here, with me, celebrating our wedding anniversary.

“It’s okay,”I said softly.

“Is it really okay?” David tightened his arms around me, pressing me deeper into his embrace. His chest was wide and solid, his heartbeat frighteningly steady.

I wanted to be held by him. That was the worst part. Even though I knew that he’d lied to me, I still wanted him to hold me. So I couldn’t help but ask him:

“David, do you... want a child?”

His body visibly stiffened for a moment.

There was a long pause before I heard him answer in a low voice: Why are you suddenly asking me this?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “It’s just, that we’ve been married for five years. Don’t you want a baby?”

I desperately wanted to tell him that I was pregnant.

But the words on my lips turned into bitter self-mockery.

This child, in his eyes, was perhaps not a life at all, but a stumbling block that prevented him from searching for the“perfect Sylvia substitute.”

“Alice, I can’t force you to have a baby.” He regained that restrained and gentle tone and kissed the top of my hair. “Your health has never been good. You heard what the doctor said. Your body is damaged. A pregnancy is too risky. Besides,  what we have now is…quite…good.”

Good.

But not great. Because I wasn’t ‘well’.  Which was why he went and found a younger woman to impregnate.

The sharp pain in my head struck again like a tidal wave, and I curled up in pain. A cold sweat erupted on my skin, quickly soaking through my thin lingerie. .

“What’s wrong?” David asked, as I wrapped myself into a fetal position on my side. He turned on the bedside lamp. “Alice, what is it?” he asked, his voice flooded with concern.

The blinding light made my vision instantly swim, and my stomach turned over.

I sat up and pushed him away , scrambling to my feet.

I was going to be sick. I had to get to the bathroom.

“Alice?” he called after me, as I stumbled into the bathroom. Dropping to my knees, I barely made it the toilet in time before I steady stream of vomit erupted from my mouth.