She was mine

The insides of my stomach were crumbling at an alarming speed as my twin brother smiled joyfully at me with his glass of champagne raised in a toast, and his free hand securely holding the waist of his intended bride tightly to his side. The room erupted in excitement as everyone raised their own glasses in congratulations.

I too raised my glass, and smiled back just as brightly. The intensity of my heartbreak was overwhelming, but my smile didn't falter even for a second since I was determined to keep my brother oblivious to the fact that, I was hurting terribly from the inside right in front of him.

I had to keep my secret. So I swallowed my scarred emotions, took several deep breaths to steady my breathing, then hugged and congratulated him for his engagement to the only woman I had ever loved in my entire life.

"We are now waiting for your turn Minho" Kristal joked happily as I brought her closer and wrapped my arms around her in a tight hug. My heart almost failed me as I fought so many different emotions that came from being so close to her.

"Huh marriage isn't really my thing sweetheart, so don't you hold your breath" I joked back and everyone in the room laughed because all they knew about me, was the side I allowed them to see. The spoiled Playboy, who only partied around and changed women.

It didn't take too long for everyone to really get into the party and start getting drunk. The room came alive with laugher and chatter as the real celebrations started.

"Congratulations Jeon" I told my brother once again as the two of us stood alone in the middle of our living room with our champagne flutes in hand, and bright smiles on our faces. Mine was pretentious of course, but it didn't matter because it was working just fine.

"Thanks Minho" my brother beamed and shifted his gaze to his fiancee who was now standing across the room from us. She seemed happy too as she entertained some of our guests with some small talk.

Jeon looked really happy as he stared at his wife to be. It was the kind of happiness that emitts waves of joy you can spot from miles away and as I watched him glow, I became overcome with the same familiar guilt that had haunted me for years. The kind of guilt that I was getting more and more certain was going to be the death of me.

Our situation was horrible, I was in love with my brother's fiancee and he had no clue whatsoever of my feelings towards her. I intended to keep it that way because I never wanted to hurt him ever. But my heart still broke each time I was anywhere near her, I wanted her so bad it hurt. But Jeon is my brother who not only played the role of big brother but also practically raised me.

I know that sounds weird considering we are laterally the same age, but when you have millionaires for parents who care more about the companies they build than actual parenting, you end up growing up too fast to take care of yourself. Just in our case, I got to keep my childhood and Jeon was the one who did the growing up so that he could look out for me as the big brother.

That's why I decided a long time ago that I would never tell him how I actually felt for Kristal. And even though, I knew that I was never gonna get rid of my feelings for her, it was still okay, because my brother deserved the best from me and that was honestly all I could give him in return for all that he gave up my sake.

So that night I got drunk. Nobody raised eyebrows at me when they saw me because it was not unusual for me to consume alcohol in large quantities. But what they didn't know was that, this was something else for me. It was drown all my sorrows into alcohol type of drinking and by the time the party was over, I was stinking drunk and crying my heart out from the floor of one of the downstairs bathrooms.

I pulled myself together after my tears stopped coming and then dragged my sorry ass up the stairs to my room. I was struggling to walk of course, but my tolerance to alcohol is something I could proudly call commendable, because I managed to get myself up there all in one piece.

My luck run out as soon as I reached my room however, because instead of getting myself on the bed, I suddenly lost my footing and crashed head first on the floor and then passed out.